Communication or Provocation? Tips to Improve Communication for Couples

Just got off the phone today with a customer service experience that was quite hellish. Clearly, this business owner never learned how to communicate effectively. It’s amazing that he is still in business with his abusive manner and communication problems..

More inspiration on fixing communication problems in marriage.

In a marriage, we need to make sure we communicate effectively.

Do you use effective communication? Or are your words provocation? Are they pulling your spouse closer or farther away from you?

 4 Tips For Effective Communication with Your Partner.

  • Eliminate all name-calling, finger-pointing, blaming, and shaming. A toxic relationship cannot thrive. Angry outbursts chip away at the love and trust that a couple has for each other.
  • Take ownership for your feelings and frustration by focusing on why your spouse’s actions disturb you. Replace the “you” of “you always do this” with “I” – “how I felt when…”
  • Learn to ask for what you want. It’s so easy to complain that we often forget what it is we are missing. Rather than focusing on how your spouse ignores you, share how badly you crave his love and attention.


To learn how to STOP name calling and communicate with no blame and no shame, take the 5 step Communication Training.


Following these communication tips will “Detox Your Marriage”. Not only does detoxing your marriage help remove the poison from your relationship, it will make your spouse much more amenable to meeting your needs.

Detoxing your marriage will also help to eradicate verbal abuse.

Not sure how to start?

You’ll want to get a copy of our book, The 5 Step Action Plan to a Happy & Healthy Marriage.

1. In Step 4 of our book, we talk about entering the world of the other.

One of the painful realizations that married people discover is that “my spouse is not me.”

In order to make room for the other, it is critical to learn how to acknowledge that your spouse may see the world very differently than you.

2. Get into the habit of asking, “Is now a good time?”

Get into the habit of asking, “Is now a good time?” instead of dumping a verbal assault. If the goal is to connect, make sure your spouse is mentally and emotionally available to connect.

Once you’ve agreed upon a time to speak, try to enter the other’s world by listening and understanding without responding or interjecting. Although in your world things may look entirely different, be curious and interested in what your partner is saying. You may be surprised what you discover.

Couples are so often caught up in their own world that it is hard to make sense of the other’s experience. In successful relationships, both partners are allowed to express their own feelings safely and can work together to bridge the gap between their worlds. The best way to achieve that is in our 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat. Talk with us today about scheduling your own private retreat experience!

There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.

    You will receive our free 60 Second Plan to a Happy Marriage, along with transformational emails that will help you with your marriage.

Tags: communication communication problems in marriage