Communication works best when there is NO BLAME & NO SHAME
It’s easy to point fingers when you’re feeling wronged by your partner. Not only does that not help right the wrong, it will actually bring about more of what you don’t want and further distance you from each other. For years we struggled with this in our own marriage.
Coming from a reactive home and being an adult child of divorce didn’t help our couplehood either. We discovered that we could start by fixing our communication and understanding more about the nature of our conflict. That’s when everything started to change…
There’s something your marriage is trying to tell you.
If only I had paid attention to what my marriage conflict was trying to tell me over 20 years ago.
Instead, my wife Rivka and I wasted a lot of time, money, heartache, and effort, fighting over the big and small things- sometimes the same fight resurfacing in different ugly ways- over and over again throughout the course of our marriage.
My marriage was trying to tell me something and I didn’t listen at first which was a big waste.
Safe Communication is Key.
In order to be able to withstand all of the challenges that life throws at us, we need to be able to know how to communicate safely with our spouse. That’s what this self guided marriage course is all about.
You need to learn how to communicate in a way that doesn’t threaten, shame, criticize, or blame our partner. Because that only makes this worse and definitely doesn’t get you anywhere.
The following video will show you exactly how I use the Intentional Dialogue “No Shame, No Blame” process to communicate with my wife Rivka so that you can use it in your own marriage to be able to withstand all of life’s stressors.
The following is a talk given to a Jewish audience. Our online couples communication course available for purchase are non-denominational and do not contain religious material.
Maybe you’ve seen advertisements of our happy family pictures before. Or pictures of the 2 of us as a couple and thought, “Wow, they look so happy, I would love to have that.”
Who are we?
We Help Couples Find New Hope & Create a Happier, Deeper Connection in 2 days with our “No Blame, No Shame” Couples Therapy & Workshops
After 19 years of marriage and over a decade serving couples in our global marriage counseling practice, Rivka and Shlomo founded TheMarriageRestorationProject.com as a global initiative to help keep couples together and happy.
Shlomo is an ordained Rabbi and a licensed clinical professional counselor with a Masters of Science in counseling psychology and an advanced clinician in Imago Relationship Therapy.
Rivka is marketing director of TheMarriageRestorationProject.com and co-presenter of the Worldwide Getting the Love You Want Couples Workshop.
But it wasn’t always picture perfect for us!
We’ve experienced parenting stress, household stressors, ADHD, addictive behaviors that worked to tear us apart.
And they almost did. Several times.
Luckily, we came across a marriage counseling process that dealt with all of these issues at their root, instead of trying to slap a “band-aid” on each of these problems only for them to keep occurring.
The process works because it moves you from living in fight/flight mode to the higher part of your brain so that you can access your highest thinking and ability to enjoy clarity even in a difficult situation.
Wouldn’t it feel amazing to be able to communicate as a couple in a way where you can?
- Be heard and understood
- Get your needs met without having to nag, complain, or yell
- See a change in your partner instead of feeling like everything is on your shoulders
That’s why we developed the “No Blame, No Shame” Marriage and Communication Video Course.
In this online marriage counseling course, we’re going to give you everything you need to know to strengthen and secure your marriage from any outside stressors, (even those due to ADHD).
A LOOK INSIDE THE HAPPY MARRIAGE & COMMUNICATION COURSE
Rabbi Shlomo’s Foundational 5 Step Action Plan Book for a Happy Marriage, Workbook, Checklist, Assessment Downloads
14 Mirroring, Validation, and Empathy videos
Transcripts, Audio Recordings
Bonus Courses on Addictions, Household Chores, and Parenting Class Included
- Practical Steps – You’ll learn practical steps to be able to start communicating safely as soon as you watch
- Conflict Crusher – Watch as we walk you through our own relationship conflicts and resolve them
- Easy to Follow – No fluffy, hard to understand psychology terms and concepts, in just an hour, you’ll understand actionable steps to start noticing a difference immediately.
- Relatable – Sneak peek inside our own flights at home! Easy to relate to so everyone can change the painful patterns in marriage
- How to address the things that leave you feeling disappointed in your relationship: like your spouse not following through, or hearing you, or committing to you.
- How to communicate in a way so that your partner CAN hear you and support your needs, regardless of their “issues”.
Watch this example of the Imago Dialogue- you’ll get access to 13+ Dialogues in this course!
We’ve developed this system because so many couples are experiencing the same frustrations in their marriage, especially with communication!
“This short video can really help you and your spouse, and your overall marriage! These are very important skills and tools that are hard to fully understand and integrate unless you see it and hear it. Rabbi Shlomo and Rivka Slatkin of course make it look a lot easier than it will be, but thank you for putting this out. They are calm and straightforward, and easy to understand. I love the ending: “wishing you much success in your journey together!” That’s exactly what marriage is, and I am glad I watched this to gain/review the tools needed to having a loving relationship.”
Happy Business Owner
“These videos are produced by a very caring and compassionate team genuinely invested in your/ my marriage success! They offer reproducible well illustrated tips for how to start improving partnerships immediately.”
I have spent thousands of dollars over the course of a forty-three-year-old, uncommonly painful marriage. Rabbi Shlomo and Rivka synthesize the relationship theories into easy-to-understand steps. Furthermore, I truly feel their desire to make marriage work. The words now rest on my heart!
Seeing is Believing!
Because, if you don’t have a system for navigating the difficulties of marriage correctly…
✔️ You’ll think your spouse just isn’t committed to you
✔️ You might think they’re lazy or that you are lazy, crazy, or stupid!
✔️ It’s hard to get through all of the challenges of life without a partner you can rely on
✔️ An impulsive partner can end friendships, take on debt, and put you at risk
✔️And it’s easy to become an emotional wreck feeling like you’re making all of the wrong decisions or just not wanting to go at this alone
After 19 years of marriage- working on our relationship, with 5 children,
…we face similar challenges that you face related to parenting and household stressors but have learned how to apply our marriage counseling techniques towards fixing those problems. That’s why we think this is one of the best online marriage courses out there.
We’ve been where you are.
And we’re not the only ones it’s worked for.
Read our many success stories below.
Real Life Couples Testimonials from the No Blame, No Shame Online Couples Communication Course
I’ve been listening to your wise words for years and transforming, very slowly, into a more positive, respectful spouse. I know your couples therapy would have helped my marriage more quickly, but for those spouses who refuse, I can attest that my husband has responded very positively to the changes in me.
I wanted to share how my story was/is effected by your awesome work.
For me the first step was reading your book as I was preparing for our 30th wedding anniversary. The Power of Commitment touched me very deeply and opened my eyes not just to the impact it has on our marriage.
I first realized on a personal level, how I needed to commit to myself, my own well-being, before I could commit to a marriage. Wow, after being with someone for 30 years, raising children together, this was HUGE!
Without that first step to make a commitment to myself, I couldn’t commit to my spouse, even though I really wanted our marriage to work.
Later, I talked my husband into signing up for Marriage School together.
He reluctantly agreed, and we did the first few Modules together.
At a certain point (asking for an appointment to dialogue) he quit and said it’s not working. I was quite upset at first, but then just continued on alone. I could apply the principles of Communication even without him formally agreeing to participate. Not in a manipulative way. Just naturally, asking for feedback (mirroring), asking if I / it made sense etc.
A few months into this “invisible” (on his part) Marriage School practice, we are so close and so much more gentle with each other.
I love sharing appreciations and acknowledgements and have naturally softened myself in the process. I don’t feel threatened anymore even when we disagree. I don’t panic even when he loses his centre and comes from the “Little Boy”..
Talking about self empowerment!
You are right, I’ve been on the spiritual path form my adolescence and Desired Truth and Enlightenment, and nothing compared to the Practice Ground of Marriage to truly feel En-Lightened and Em-Powered.. when we have the right guidance and tools as well as Commitment, Patience and Willingness!
Deep Gratitude for your work, may it resonate with many!
After going through your program, I feel like a completely different person. Although we have spent years in therapy, we were still on the verge of divorce. The skills we have learned with your imago therapy have helped us break the vicious cycle of conflict and we are actually able to enjoy each other’s company again.
When we listened to your audios, we thought you were talking directly to us. Everything you said was so relevant to our situation.
32 years in it’s like our honeymoon again!
The Marriage Restoration Project has helped me to renew and restore and revive our marriage. After 32 years, and 5 kids, we were not used to being alone. The easy 5 step program helped us open communication and reconnect with each other. Now we are using the 5 steps to help the next generation heal and help their marriages.
The videos are professional and inspiring. I was impressed with the way they demonstrated how to turn frustration, blame, and criticism into opportunities for closer connection, better mutual understanding, compassion, and growth as a couple. When I practiced offering appreciation statements, I realized just how valuable and healing this is when done right, and how easy it is to compliment one’s spouse yet miss the mark!
I receive your weekly blogposts and read your recent post entitled “ How do you know when your marriage is over?”. You debunked common reasons that couples see as warranting divorce and boldly claim that even the worst marriage can be saved. I wanted to write you so that you can share with your readers our story because if any marriage was doomed to fail, it was surely ours.
We came to see you almost a year ago for therapy. As you may remember we only came for one session and we were in bad shape. My husband did not want to continue and being that we he was unemployed and I was making a meager salary, we couldn’t afford weekly sessions. We did get your digital program though we didn’t touch it for months. I thought it was over. Things only got worse from there. My husband was put in jail on false charges, I lost my job, and then I found myself sick for months. I discovered there was a sewage leak in my bedroom that was contributing to my condition. This was the turning point. When we started your communication training, I downloaded your audio mp3s to my husband’s phone, hoping he would listen to them.
I started to notice that our communication had changed. He had implemented some of the strategies you suggest on his own. We began connecting again. We stopped the constant bickering. For the first time in a long time, I had hope that our marriage could succeed.
We are now expecting our first child any day now and couldn’t be happier. Thank you so much. Your program saved our marriage and we are eternally grateful. Please continue to let other couples know that if your program could help us, it could help anyone, as you would be hard pressed to find a marriage as bad as ours was.
We are forever grateful to you! The suggestions in your marriage program are working so well, even with our infidelity situation. Outbursts due to the rupture from affair are becoming less frequent!