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Can Marriage counseling help incompatible relationships? You bet it can. Think about it. There must have been something that drew you to your spouse in the first place. How is it that all of a sudden you are no longer compatible? Perhaps, you were never actually compatible and you still feel for each other. That’s because opposites attract. It’s not just a cliche but it’s something we see time and time again in relationships, and for a very good reason.

The purpose of relationships

We find that relationships serve a deeper purpose. According to Imago therapy, marriage is for the purpose of growth and healing. This means that we don’t pick our partner by happenstance but there is a really good reason we fall in love with him/her over everyone else. We unconsciously choose a partner who will be in many way incompatible. During the courtship stage when we feel fully safe and connected, we don’t notice this because our partner is able to access their full selves, but after the romance wears off we realize they are very different. In fact, some of the things we thought we fell in love with actually bother us to no end.

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How do we fix  the incompatibility?

The key is to work through these differences so that we can balance each other out. Our partner holds is our other half, they hold the very things that we have cut off or suppressed. While it feels great in the romantic stage, that’s because we feel like we have found our lost selves. Yet, once the inevitable power struggle ensues, we become triggered by the very things we loved. By becoming conscious about these triggers and working through them together, we can both work to make the relationship a safe place to be. The stark differences can be smoothed out as both partners work to be more balanced and reclaim a little bit of what they lost growing up.


There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.

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