Married to an unwilling spouse who won’t work on your relationship with you? One of the questions I am frequently asked by readers, is what do I do if my spouse is not interested in working on the relationship. I would like to share an amazing email I received last week from one of our readers.

My husband just told me he no longer knows how he feels about me. I was devastated. I read the 10 Step Challenge to Winning My Husband Back. At first I thought…no way, but at this point what did I have to lose? I am not good at communication. I tend to hold a lot in and talk to myself instead. Needless to say I tried it. It has been 2 months since my husband told me that he did not know how he felt. The hurt of that I’m sure will stay as a reminder to me that I NEED to open up to him and with that I started taking initiative with my unwilling partner to listen, take responsibility for my role, etc. My husband has been kissing me hello and goodbye, calling me during the day while he is gone to work. It has been amazing and wonderful to have my best friend back. I wanted to tell you “Thank You” for helping me find my way back to our marriage. Appreciating him and telling him is now coming easier than I thought I could do before. Again, thank you! Melanie

Is there hope for you and your unwilling spouse?

While it would be nice if we could convince our unwilling spouse to come to counseling, there is still hope even if they are disinterested. When we take responsibility for our role in our relationship like Melanie and show up with our best selves, we can cause our partner’s feelings towards us to change.

You can learn how to do this better by watching our No Blame, No Shame, Communication Marriage Training Video. It’s a Total Marriage Transformation Program that is a comprehensive way for you to get marriage help that works without having to drag your spouse to therapy! We’d love to hear your success story like Melanie.

For more help on winning back an uninterested spouse, take the 10 Steps to Win Your Spouse Back Challenge.

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More inspiration on working on your marriage alone:

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Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online. Contact or