How to Stay Connected as a Couple During the Holidays
Key takeaways Holiday stress and marriage often collide; short, scheduled holiday couple check-ins keep you aligned. Create small holiday traditions for couples to anchor connection amid busy calendars. Learn how to say no during the holidays so you can say “yes” to each other. Volunteering as a couple builds shared purpose and boosts well-being. 1) […]
How to Support Your Spouse Through Grief or Depression (Even When It Lasts Longer Than You’d Like)
When your partner is going through grief or depression, it’s natural to want them to “get better” quickly—not only for their sake, but for your own. But healing rarely follows our preferred timetable. In marriage, part of the journey is learning to make space for the other, even when life feels disrupted. What Would You […]
What to Do When Your Spouse Is Unreliable (and How to Rebuild Trust)
Feeling like your spouse is unreliable can be deeply disappointing. Life is hard enough—raising kids, working, managing responsibilities—without feeling like you can’t depend on your partner. For many couples, unreliability creates frustration, resentment, and even questions like: “Can I stay in this marriage if my spouse doesn’t change?” Here are some common reasons your partner […]
Should You Work on Your Own “Stuff” Before Trying Couples Therapy?
Should I go to individual therapy before couples therapy? What if my therapist says I’m the problem in my marriage? Can couples therapy help if childhood trauma is involved? Do I need to fix myself before marriage counseling? For many couples, even deciding to go to marriage counseling is a big leap. You may worry […]
When to Seek Marriage Counseling: 14 Signs It’s Time to Get Help
If you’re wondering when to seek marriage counseling, and if it’s too late or not, you’re not alone. Many couples ask this question—sometimes when the signs are glaring, and other times when things feel “off” but not catastrophic. What’s obvious to one partner may not be obvious to the other. Signs that marriage counseling can […]
What is the best marital therapy? How is Gottman different from Imago therapy?
With all of the choices of marriage counselors practicing different kinds of therapy modalities out there, how can you know what is the best marital therapy and most importantly, what is the best marriage help for your unique situation? Let’s talk about the differences between Gottman therapy and Imago therapy as those are two very […]
When your partner upsets with negativity
Sometimes there’s a situation in a relationship where one partner is working hard to be more positive and the other partner is consistently negative. This can start as a minor annoyance and grow to something catastrophic for a marriage. It’s a relationship dynamic that can be incredibly hard, especially for the one that is working […]
What to do if you are no longer physically attracted to your spouse?
Life happens, kids happen, weight gain happens. And sometimes our partner can look very different than they did when we first met. What can you do if you are no longer physically attracted to your partner? Let’s think back to when you first fell in love and knew you wanted to commit to the one […]
Are there any couples that are beyond help? Is it ever just too late?
Lots of couples talk with us about their situation and then ask if they’re the worst couple we’ve ever seen. The answer is usually no, of course. Underneath their question lies a deeper one—“Are we beyond hope? Is this just too messy to fix and is it just too late for us?”¹ So, what works? […]
Can a Marriage Survive Sexual Trauma? Healing Intimacy and Rebuilding Trust
Any past traumatic experience keeps a person in survival mode—a tensing of the body and mind, as the brain’s main job is to keep you safe. Anything that reminds you of that trauma can trigger reactivity, keeping you stuck in fight-or-flight. Sexual trauma is no different. In fact, trauma from many years ago—even childhood—can continue […]
How can you go to couples therapy when your spouse betrayed you?
If your trust has been broken by your spouse—through infidelity, lies, financial betrayal, or other breaches—you may be asking: “Why should I even consider couples counseling if I can’t trust them?” It’s a fair, painful question. After all, you didn’t choose to betray your marriage. So why should you be the one to sit in […]
How Is Imago Marriage Counseling Different? Comparing Options When You’ve Tried Everything Else
One of the most common questions I hear from couples is: “How is your marriage counseling program different from the other counseling we’ve already tried?” At our last group retreat in Baltimore, a couple asked on the very first day: “Our previous therapist told us we were too volatile and should get divorced. How is […]
How to Deal With a Toxic Family Member: 4 Steps That Work
Key takeaways Confirm the signs of a toxic family member before acting. Set boundaries with toxic family using short, specific rules—then follow through. Expect pushback; hold consequences calmly (no JADE: don’t justify, argue, defend, explain). Prioritize safety. If behavior crosses into abuse, make a safety plan and seek support. Is this toxic—or just a tough […]
How Trauma from the Past Affect our Adult Relationships
Sometimes when we try to succeed in life, we are held back by trauma from childhood. Trauma plays a huge role in relationships. Not only does childhood trauma impact your relationship with your parent, it unconsciously influences your partner selection and can impact all of your relationships. We find that people tend to look for […]
When Parents Argue – Do Kids Notice?
Children are receptive to the intricate nuances and body language their parents display in front of them. As much as we would like to believe that our children are spared from the marital discord we experience, John Gottman’s research proves that children experience trauma when their parents argue and fight. “Marital discord can influence children […]
Silent Treatment in Marriage: Why It’s Toxic and How to Stop It
Whether you’re on the receiving end or giving it to your partner, the silent treatment can create a toxic dynamic in marriage. Most of us know what it feels like to shut down during conflict—walking around in cold silence, refusing to respond, or withdrawing behind walls. In the moment, silence may feel like safety or […]
Should you really talk to someone? A couple’s therapist review of ‘Maybe You Should Talk To Someone” by Lori Gottlieb
It’s no wonder Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb is a runaway best-seller. Written by a therapist about her own personal journey into therapy, it gives readers a vulnerable and intriguing look into what happens behind the scenes of therapy—for both clients and therapists. But beyond being an enjoyable read, it raises […]
How to Bring Up an Issue With Your Spouse Without a Fight (3 Proven Starts)
Key takeaways The way you start a hard talk predicts how it will end; a soft start-up lowers defensiveness. Prepare your message first (facts → feeling → need → single clear ask) so you don’t drift into blame. “Read the room”: pick a good time, ask permission, and create safety to avoid stonewalling or blowups. […]
That’s Funny, Honey: Tips for Using Humor During Marital Conflict to Stop Fights in Their Tracks
Want to know why bringing the heat down a notch during a relationship conflict is so important? Close your eyes and picture the last time you and your spouse laughed together. Really put yourself in that memory, conjuring up how it felt. It felt good, right? Want to feel it again? There’s no question that […]
Online Family Counseling: Is Zoom Therapy Right for Your Family?
Families have always faced conflict—between parents and children, siblings, or extended relatives. What’s new is how we can resolve these disputes. Today, families can meet with a licensed therapist not just in person, but also virtually. Online family counseling via Zoom makes it possible to bring everyone together—even if they live in different cities or […]