Lots of couples talk with us about their situation and then ask if they’re the worst couple we’ve ever seen. The answer is usually no of course 🙂 Underneath their question is a deeper one which is- “Are we beyond hope? Is this just too messy to fix and is it just too late for us”?
So, what works?
When practiced to the fullest extent of what the therapy intended to be, Imago therapy has worked time and time again to pull couples back from the deep misery and darkness that they are in.
That’s due to the structure that it provides- creating the emotional safety needed for couples to feel safe enough to share with each other, opening up deep compassion and understanding when they truly become heard.
It a radical shift to any kind of marriage counseling that allows for blame, shame, or simply is a repeat of what you’re pretty much doing at home- yelling, calling names, walking out of the room…
Here’s the answer to your question
There are “rules” to Imago and the answer to the question about whether a couple is truly beyond hope is- Are you both willing to participate in a new way of relating to each other? Are you willing to try something completely different than what you’re used to?
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Even if you’ve gone to 20 different marriage counselors and “failed”, if you are open to trying something different and following our “rules” which require no blame and no shame and an environment of safety than you too can be helped.
These two situations are indeed harder…
That means if you are unwilling to follow the structure or participate in trying something new, then the process of fixing your marriage will truly be an uphill battle for you.
But if you can let go and follow the advice of an advanced, skilled, certified Imago Relationship Therapist, then we believe that you can absolutely be successful.
If you or your partner is actively in an affair, lying, cheating behind your partner’s back, and still pursuing extramarital influences in the marriage, that would not fall in line with the safety rules that Imago is going to demand. That situation too would be an uphill battle.
Talk with us to be sure
For the most part, if you’re in a physically safe situation but experiencing some marriage conflict that seems beyond repair, you can feel some reassurance that you are not the worst situation we’ve ever seen. If you’re not sure, try us! Schedule a time to speak with Rabbi Shlomo to gain some clarity about what he feels would be most beneficial for you and get some clarity on it.
New Form for Intensives Page 6/2018