It’s no wonder Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb is a runaway best-seller. Written by a therapist about her own personal journey into therapy, it is full of intrigue, vulnerability, and gives the reader insight into the many questions we may have about the world of the therapy and those who practice it. While there are many takeaways, here are a few that we have found particularly powerful.

Lessons worth sharing from Maybe You Should Talk To Someone

1. Lesson #1: Providing Clarity- the role of a therapist

A therapist is not there to fix you or tell you what to do, but to help you get clarity and see things from a different perspective. Those who go to therapy come in with a problem. Something is not right in their life. There is a tendency to blame circumstances or people around us, to be judgmental, and to point fingers. Rarely do we look inward and ask ourselves questions about our role in our nightmare. What am I doing to create this reality? A good therapist gently guides you to begin making these self discoveries so that you can reclaim your life, make intentional choices, and shape your reality the way you want it.

2. Lesson #2: Getting out of your own self imposed ‘prison’

Along these lines, sometimes our pain is self-inflicted. Our own mind is often our worst enemy. We make up a story about who we are, what we can achieve, and limit our reality through our own thought process. A good therapist can help serve as a witness to these thoughts, point them out to us, and help us realize that the jail cell may even be open, we just need to take a step out towards freedom. It’s often how we see the situation that makes all the differences. When we become aware of different possibilities, the different part of ourselves that we were not conscious of, we see a brighter future ahead.

3. Lesson #3: The Healing power of relationships and the relationship between therapist and patient vs patient and spouse

Even more than any technique, the relationship between the therapist and client is often the key healing factor. Having someone else who believes in you and who can be a safe and non-judgmental witness is so restorative. An attachment (an appropriate one of course) is built as the therapist is often the one person who truly experiences your vulnerability.

This last point is especially important with couples therapy. For married folks, it is the relationship with your spouse that is the healing factor. That’s why we discourage couples from getting individual therapy for a marriage problem, for this ultimate non-judgmental relationship where you can be fully safe and vulnerable is precisely what is not happening in the marriage. The therapist’s job in couples work is to help facilitate this connection between both partners, which in turn helps them heal in a profound way. So while it is wonderful to have a therapist to provide this relationship, it is even more powerful with your spouse if you do have one. When closing, Lori writes about her final session with her therapist and the termination process. In a marriage, your spouse will always be there, and you won’t have to pay them by the hour!

If you are experiencing frustration in your marriage and you would like to gain some clarity about your situation, we would love to chat with you. Setup a time to speak with us here using our calendar link. 

Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online. Contact or