If you hold traditional values and want marriage counseling that aligns with your faith, you may wonder: What does the Bible actually say about marriage—and how should that shape counseling?
Though I am an Orthodox Rabbi, my therapy practice is non-denominational. Sometimes couples who are seeking Christian marriage counseling or Bible-based therapy ask me to share biblical wisdom.
Marriage as a Reflection of the Divine
From the Sinai revelation—described by the commentator Rashi as Gd going out to meet Israel like a bridegroom meets a bride—to the tender poetry of Song of Songs, Scripture repeatedly uses marriage to depict our covenant relationship with Gd¹.
Why? Because the marital relationship uniquely combines covenant, love, and sacrifice—the same elements that define Gd’s bond with His people².
The Talmud teaches: “You shall follow the attributes of the Holy One… just as He clothes the naked, so shall you clothe the naked; just as He visits the sick, so shall you visit the sick”³. When we bring mercy, grace, and compassion into our marriages, we are not only loving our spouse—we are walking in the Gd’s ways.
Marriage as Wholeness: A Match Made in Heaven
Ancient Jewish mysticism (Zohar) explains that husband and wife are two halves of a single soul, separated at creation and reunited in marriage⁴. The joy of finding one’s destined spouse comes from restoring that original wholeness.
As the Midrash tells it, even after creating the universe, Gd’s “work” is still to bring couples together⁵. Believing that marriage is a match made in Heaven can help couples persevere through rough seasons, trusting that Gd’s plan includes both the joy and the challenges.
Biblical Principles for a Healthy Marriage
The wisdom of Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) 1:14—taught by Hillel—offers timeless guidance for marriage:
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“If I am not for myself, who will be for me?”
Take responsibility for your part in the relationship. You can’t change your spouse, but you can change how you show up. Self-responsibility is not selfish—it’s the starting point for growth⁶. -
“If I am only for myself, what am I?”
Personal growth must be paired with compassion. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s struggles as “their problem.” The call of marriage is to bear one another’s burdens. -
“If not now, when?”
Don’t postpone investing in your marriage. Spiritual and relational renewal begins today, not “when things calm down.” The Bible calls us to act with urgency in love and reconciliation.
Why Your Counselor’s Values Matter
If you’re seeking Christian or traditional marriage counseling, make sure your counselor’s approach honors your convictions. Secular therapy models sometimes frame personal happiness as the highest goal—even if that means encouraging divorce.
A values-aligned counselor will:
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Support marriage as a covenant, not just a contract
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Avoid taking sides, working instead to strengthen the bond
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Integrate your faith into communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy
As Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Choose those counselors wisely.
Learning to Love God Through Loving Your Spouse
We are commanded to love Gd, but it’s through human love that we begin to grasp what divine love truly is. Marriage teaches us humility, selflessness, and steadfastness—the same virtues we need in our walk with Gd.
When you serve your spouse with compassion, you are also serving Gd. In this way, marriage becomes both a spiritual discipline and a holy joy.
Key Takeaways
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Marriage reflects God’s covenant with His people and is the highest human relationship for practicing holiness¹².
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Viewing marriage as a match made in Heaven gives couples resilience during trials⁴ ⁵.
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Biblical wisdom offers practical tools like personal responsibility, compassion, and urgency in love⁶.
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A values-aligned counselor can help preserve your marriage instead of undermining it² ⁵.
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Loving your spouse is also loving God, deepening both faith and marital intimacy.
FAQ: Bible-Based Marriage Counseling
1) Is Bible-based counseling only for Christians?
No. Although I don’t usually bring in any spirituality into my work as a therapist, when religious couples from any faith asks for something more spiritual, I bring a biblical based frame of reference- being that I am also ordained as a Rabbi.
2) What if one spouse is less observant or of a different faith?
I find that when the core conflict is dealt with, those issues aren’t as prevalent anymore and couples find a way to see a way forward together without any external pressure.
3) Does Bible-based mean the counselor will tell us to “just stay married” no matter what?
No. If there’s ongoing violence, coercion, or untreated severe issues, we prioritize stabilization and protection while seeking wise counsel. (See also ³ on compassion as action.)
4) Do you bring Scripture into sessions?
I usually don’t bring in scripture or anything religious into my intensive sessions however, when a couple is religious and asks me to bring in biblical principles, I can. We use verses/themes as guiding lenses (covenant, teshuvah/repentance, forgiveness, justice) alongside evidence-based tools (e.g., structured dialogue) so faith fuels repair, not blame.
5) What about “roles” and submission?
We emphasize mutual reverence and responsibility. The biblical call is to love and honor one another, and pursue peace in the home—applied with humility and care.
6) Can biblical counseling help after betrayal or deep disconnection?
Often, yes. The path includes truthful disclosure, empathy, boundaries, and a plan for rebuilding trust. For those looking for biblical counseling, the covenant frame can motivate change and sustain the hard work of repair.²
7) Will we get homework or spiritual practices?
Usually: brief daily connection rituals, appreciation practices, and optional prayer/Scripture reflection that align with your tradition (e.g., reading a verse on kindness before dialogue).
8) How fast will we see change?
Many couples feel calmer and more hopeful within a few sessions; deeper change grows with steady practice. “If not now, when?”—small faithful steps compound.
9) Do you work with intensives, weekly, or both?
Both. Some couples start with a 2-day intensive to build momentum, then follow with weekly/biweekly integration.
Sources
¹ Rashi on Exodus 19:17
² Hosea 2:19–20
³ Talmud Sotah 14a
⁴ Zohar I, 91b
⁵ Midrash Rabbah, Genesis 68:4
⁶ Proverbs 4:23
¹² Leviticus 19:2
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