If you’re religious or hold traditional values and are looking to know how to blend your values along with marriage counseling, you’ll appreciate this article which is sourced in biblical references having to do with marriage. It’s written by an Orthodox Rabbi, but the message is non-denominational. All those looking for Christian marriage counseling or bible-based marriage therapy can appreciate these sources. Schedule a free 30 minute clarity call to learn more about what’s been going on or email us to ask a question/
What does the Bible have to say about marriage?
And Moses brought the people to meet God. . . This teaches that the Divine Presence went forth to meet them, like a bridegroom who goes forth to meet the bride . . .~ traditional Jewish commentary (Rashi) on Exodus 19:17
From the love story detailed in Song of Songs to the wedding customs that hark back to God’s revelation at Sinai, marriage is used throughout Scripture as a metaphor for the relationship between God and man. Why was the marriage between husband and wife chosen to depict our relationship with the Divine?
What is meant by the passage, “You shall walk after the Lord, your God” (Deuteronomy 13:5)? How is it possible for a human being to walk after the Shekhina (the Divine Presence)? Doesn’t it say, “For the Lord, your God is a consuming fire” (ibid 4:24)? This is what it means: You shall follow the attributes of the Holy One, blessed be He. Just as he clothes the naked … so should you also clothe the naked. The Holy One, blessed be He, visited the sick . . . so should you also visit the sick ~Talmud, Sotah 14a
The ideal we strive for is to walk in God’s ways – as He is a “consuming fire.” To emulate God. When we emulate the Divine attributes of mercy and compassion in our relationship with all of creation, we bring Godliness into the world. There is no greater human relationship that provides us this opportunity to be holy than that of a husband and wife. In fact, the word for betrothal in Hebrew, kiddushin, means consecration and sanctification. As we are consecrated towards each other, we are compelled to become sensitive to the needs of an “other.”
On the other hand, it is through the marital relationship itself that we can better understand what it means to be in a relationship with God. We are commanded to love God, yet it is through human love that we are able to even begin to fathom what love is. One can better understand what it means to be humble before God and to go beyond our ego by practicing these virtues in our own committed relationship.
More inspiration on biblical marriage counseling:
- Principles for a happy, biblical marriage
- What does the Bible say about marriage?
- Marriage Encounter Christian marriage retreats
- Christian Marriage Counseling Near You
Yet while these ideas may also apply to other interpersonal relationships, couple-hood is unique in that it calls us to wholeness.
A man who is not married is not a man, for the verse says, “Male and female He created them” (Bereishit 1:27) and He called them Man. (Talmud Yevamot 63a)
Ancient Jewish mysticism (Zohar part I, 91b) explains that husband and wife are really one soul that was divided in half—half of it in a male body and its other half in a female body. Finding our destined partner enables us to find our lost half and return to our original wholeness. This is why marriage is accompanied by an unparalleled amount of joy. God has brought the couple together and the Divine plan has become manifest.
A Roman matron once asked Rabbi Yosi ben Chalafta, “Now that God has finished creating the universe, what does he do?” The rabbi replied that God now makes matches, bringing couples together so that they can marry each other. ~ Midrash Rabbah (Bereishit 68:4)
Believing that marriage is a “match made in Heaven” provides solace for couples when the luster begins to wear off, for even the rough patches are integral to achieving our original wholeness.
In our increasingly confusing world, wholesome family values and the idea of marriage as a commitment until death do us part, are often scorned. If you are seeking traditional marriage counseling, make sure it is based on sources with similar values about marriage or is at least respectful enough of where you are coming from. Otherwise, you don’t want to go to marriage counseling to save your relationship and wind up being encouraged to get divorced.
Hillel used to say: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?” (Ethics of the Fathers 1:14)
Hillel’s famous aphorism in Ethics of the Fathers provides us great insight into human relationships and especially marriage.
3 Questions to Ask Yourself if you Want a Healthy Christian Marriage
1) If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
No one else can change your reality but you. You cannot rely on anyone else to help you, especially if you do not help yourself. What can you do to change the situation? Part of emotional maturity in a relationship is taking personal responsibility. While it may be easy to focus on what your spouse is doing wrong, the only person you have the power to change is yourself. Waiting for your spouse to change will only bring you heartache. This victim mentality is paralyzing as it holds us back from seeking a real solution for our situation and it leads to further resentment and ill will.
I am always amazed when I hear stories about successful people who have overcome adversity. How did they get through those challenges in their life? They did not wallow in self-pity. They picked themselves up and did what they could to achieve what they wanted in their life.
In a marriage, it takes two to tango. We both contribute to the situation in which we find ourselves, for good or for bad.
If your relationship is strained, what are you doing to bring this rupture about? What can you do differently to change the situation? How can you be the best spouse you can be? When you develop an attitude of personal responsibility, it has a ripple effect in the relationship. It is actually a more effective way of bringing about change in your spouse than blaming them for your woes and expecting them to do the work.
2) And if I am only for myself, what am I?
The trap of personal responsibility is that we can become self-righteous. When our spouse is upset, we may quip, “I have worked on myself. This is your ‘stuff’ and you need to deal with it.” Our personal growth should not come at the expense of being callous to another in pain.
Being in a relationship is the greatest opportunity to develop compassion for another human being.
Lend a caring ear, validate their feelings, and provide empathy for their situation. Knowing they can count on you to be there for them in their pain, is often what they may need to heal and move forward.
3) And if not now, when?
There is no better moment to heal your relationship than now. Couples fool themselves by thinking their relationship can coast on auto-pilot and they can work on it later. Life is busy and it may seem like there are more pressing issues to attend to than your relationship.
Big mistake. Don’t wait until your kids get older and leave the house. Don’t wait until you make more money and can afford to get help. We never know how much time we have on this planet. Tragic stories of people who are here today and gone tomorrow wake us up and provide us with a greater appreciation of the present. Now is the time to create your ideal relationship. Now is the time to start being kinder and more appreciative to your spouse. Now is the time to make your marriage a priority. Asking yourself, “If not now, when?” reminds you of your sacred duty to wake up and take action. Don’t look back on the missed opportunity and regret years of your relationship that could have been remarkable.
How Couples All Over the World are Transforming their Marriages in 2 Days
Bring God Back Into Your Marriage
A Comprehensive Solution with Built-In “Say No to Backsliding” Followup Sessions
What if you could infuse your marriage with Holiness, finally having the calm, support, connection, and harmony that you’ve so yearned for with Christian marriage counseling and relationship therapy honoring bible scripture? You love God, but maybe right now you just aren’t feeling the same way about your spouse. We offer Christian couples therapy in Baltimore, MD; NYC, NY; and Jersey City, NJ and have had amazing results with couples across the country using imago relationship therapy. Call (410) 429-8788 to schedule therapy or to learn more about our experience and counseling services.
Learning to Love God Through Our Marriage
Here’s what may not seem so obvious: It is through the marital relationship itself that we can better understand what it means to be in a relationship with God. We are commanded to love God, yet it is through human love that we are able to even begin to fathom what love is.
One can better understand what it means to be humble before God and to go beyond our ego by practicing these virtues in our own committed relationship.
Nonjudgmental, Caring & Traditional Marriage Counseling
If you’re religious or hold traditional values and are looking to know how to blend your values along with marriage counseling, you’ll appreciate our approach. We’re Orthodox Jews but our message is non-denominational. If you’re looking for marriage counseling for Christians or bible-based marriage therapy, you can feel safe in our office.
If you would like to be able to trust that your marriage counselor does not have an agenda of his/her own, will not take sides, and will support your traditional views about family, keep reading!
What does the Bible have to say about Marriage?
Here’s What We Know to Be True About Relationships:
- Believing that marriage is a “match made in Heaven” provides solace to couples when the luster begins to wear off, for even the rough patches are integral to achieving our original wholeness
- The ideal we strive for is to walk in the Lord’s ways. When we act with mercy, grace, and compassion in our relationship with all of Creation, we spread God’s blessing in the world. There is no greater human relationship that provides us this opportunity to be holy than that of a husband and wife.
- Ancient Jewish tradition explains that husband and wife are really one soul that was divided in half; half of it is a male body and its other half in a female body. Finding our destined partner enables us to find our lost half and return to our original Wholeness. This is why marriage is accompanied by an unparalleled amount of joy. God has brought the couple together and the His divine plan has become manifest!
Traditional Marriage Counseling in a Modern World
In our increasingly confusing world, wholesome family values and the idea of marriage as a commitment ‘Til death do us part’ are often scorned.
If you are seeking traditional Christian marriage counseling, make sure the program is based on sources with similar values about marriage or is at least respectful enough of where you are coming from. You don’t want to go to marriage counseling to save your relationship and wind up being encouraged to get divorced!
Our marriage retreat, while not specifically religious, will provide you the encouragement and hope that you need to restore your marriage as well as practical tools that will get you there in a safe way that is in line with your religious values.
What Happens During the 2 Day Intensive Retreat:
My name is Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin and I am a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and a Certified Imago Relationships Therapist (Advanced Clinician). Over the past decade, my work has saved countless marriages and has been featured on news sources such as The Huffington Post and Fox.
I’ve put together a tried and true formula for you so that that you can feel optimistic and hopeful again about enjoying a marriage that is respectful, supportive, and healthy. It would be a privilege to work with you and support you in effectively bringing back clarity and love into your relationship.
If you’re experiencing difficulties in your marriage, you NEED to have an intensive experience in order to create a breakthrough for your relationship.
And it is also crucial to have a follow-up to integrate what you’ve learned so that your results will be long-lasting- which is what you want!
Unlike a marriage workshop where you participate in a group setting with other couples, the retreat will give the privacy you need to deal with some of the most painful and personal issues you are facing in your relationship.
The Marriage Restoration Retreat is two full days of Imago Therapy, plus 8 follow-up sessions in person or on Skype, where you will see how Imago theory applies to your unique situation, including why you chose each other, why you are now experiencing conflict, and how the Imago dialogue and other processes can provide you with healthy, supportive tools to unburden your relationship- calmly and comfortably to achieve maximum growth and healing.
Let us share the excitement that we have for Imago Therapy and help you transform your marriage today!
Dr. Harville Hendrix, Founder of Imago Relationship Therapy has to say about Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, Imago Relationship Therapist Advanced Clinician.
“Any couple interested in restoring their marriage and sustaining it will be blessed if they follow the logical and clear steps and processes described by Rabbi Slatkin, MS, LCPC in the Marriage Restoration Project.”
Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. co-author with Helen LaKelly Hunt of Making Marriage Simple: Ten Truths for Changing the Relationship You Have into the Relationship You Want.
Read Tracy and Fred’s personal story*
We’d be separated right now if not for Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin. Ten years of marriage, 3 kids under 6, and ongoing arguments about the same issues brought us to a fork in the road. We had a breaking point that started the divorce process. After a week of separation, we agreed to seek counseling. We found a praised relationship counselor, but our meetings with him led to increased resentment, new ways to hate each other, arguing, and the worst feeling either of us have ever had. Counseling failed miserably. I was seeing an independent therapist, who happened to be an Imago certified counselor, and he gave me the book “getting the love you want,” and the text resonated with both of us. After searching for retreats, we found Rabbi Slatkin. My wife was raised Catholic and I was raised without religion. Finding a new point of view was important to both of us. We wanted to truly listen to and seek guidance from a new influence. We live in Michigan and drove to Baltimore for the session. My wife and I found what we were looking for! We found each other in the deepest way possible. No arguments. No resentment. We felt like we started a second marriage or graduated from “marriage college”. We are eager to recommend the Imago process, and Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, to any couple. Especially those seeking restoration of their marriage, a deeper connection, or couples who need to “find each other” again.
Tracy & Fred, Michigan *
*Individual Results May Vary.
By the time you finish reading this, another marriage will end in divorce. Good news, you can do something about it! Contact us to talk more about your situation.
There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.
If you’re looking for Christian Marriage Counseling that will safely support your religious values, look no further. Our marriage retreat, while not specifically religious, will provide you with an environment that will safely support your marriage in a way that is in line with your religious values. Click here to read more about The 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat.
There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.
