You hear a lot about marriage counseling making things worse. Well, is that true? Does marriage counseling make things worse?
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Does marriage counseling work or make things worse? As it is hard to address years of conflict in a 60 minute, or if you’re lucky, 90 minute session, it is not uncommon that you may walk out in the beginning feeling a little reactive or wanting to respond to what your spouse said. You may even have some of your worst fights after those first few sessions. ( One client likened it to peeling off a scab. It may not feel good in the beginning, but the initial discomfort allows for the healing process to occur.)
While sometimes things have to get worse in order to get better, if you are walking away weekly feeling even more pessimistic with no sense of hope, you may want to reassess what you are doing.
Some post-therapy reactions that are not helpful to your marriage
- Do you feel yourself getting more agitated by your spouse now since therapy has begun?
- Have you noticed “problems” that you didn’t previously notice?
- Are you catching yourself quoting your therapist against your spouse, “Well my therapist said….”
- Are you suddenly having doubts as to whether you should stay together?
While there are many good therapists out there, there are also plenty who are not competent at helping couples and can undermine your relationship.
If you are going to therapy to make your marriage better, a good marriage counselor will help work with you to make that goal a reality.
Good marriage counseling helps you work together and doesn’t take sides or place doubts in your mind about the relationship. It encourages you to connect, provides real hope that your relationship can heal, and empowers you with the tools to do so.
If you feel like marriage counseling is actually making your marriage worse, talk with us about our 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat. It can be an adjunct to you going to therapy that is working but provide you with that much needed intervention and intensive experience that will jumpstart your success, giving you insight that is almost equal to 6 months of the very BEST marriage counseling! There’s a reason our marriage retreat has a 90% success rate and that is due to the 2 months of followup sessions provided so that you don’t backslide into old, poor habits, and the clarity you develop on your past baggage so that you no longer bring it into your current relationship. Talk with us today about the 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat so that you can benefit.