If you’re thinking about going to marriage therapy, you might quietly be asking yourself: Does this mean something is wrong with my relationship? Many couples are asking the question, “Is there something wrong with going to couples therapy?” You are NOT alone.
Seeking therapy is often a sign of strength, not failure. The reason your future counselor wants you to know this—and a few other key things before you begin—is simple: preparation helps you make the most of counseling so you can see meaningful results.
Whether you’ve experienced a major betrayal like an affair or financial infidelity, or you just want some expert guidance to reconnect, counseling can help you and your spouse build a stronger foundation. If you’re feeling stuck, disconnected, or noticing warning signs that it’s time for professional help, don’t delay.
Here are four things therapists wish every couple knew before starting counseling—so you can walk in feeling confident instead of concerned.
We’d love it if more couples knew these four things before signing up for a marriage counseling retreat with us.
1. People Attend Couples Counseling Much More Often Than You Think
Here’s the toxic thing about social media; it isn’t “real”—it’s a highlight reel. In other words, every couple faces their own seasons of struggle and private challenges, no matter how idyllic their relationships appear in public.
Behind the filtered vacation photos and anniversary posts, nearly 1 in 5 married couples seek professional counseling at some point in their relationship1. This includes happily married couples who simply want to improve communication, deepen intimacy, or strengthen their connection.
Choosing counseling doesn’t mean your marriage is on the brink of collapse—it means you’re investing in its longevity.
2. Trust Your Gut & Don’t Delay
Couples often wait six years on average before seeking help for ongoing relationship issues2. Unfortunately, those years can allow resentment to build and communication patterns to worsen, making recovery harder.
Think of it like going to the doctor: ignoring symptoms rarely makes them disappear—it can make them worse. The same is true for your relationship. If either of you is thinking about counseling, that’s a sign it’s worth scheduling an appointment now, not “someday.”
When it comes to couples therapy, too soon is probably better than too late (assuming there is even such a thing as “too soon” for counseling!). If you or your spouse are having problems communicating, fighting about money, or you just want to have a deeper connection emotionally and physically therapy can help.
As we’ve frequently cited from our colleague, Dr. John Gottman, couples typically hold out for about six years before finally seeking help after experiencing struggles in their relationship. That’s way too long! So many things can be said and done in that time period that are preventable. Some may even lead to contempt, which is the biggest indicator of divorce one of the four horsemen of relationships.
But just like waiting too long to see a doctor about a small issue (e.g., a worrisome mole) could allow the issue to turn into a major problem (e.g., cancer that spreads), waiting too long to see a marriage counselor about your relationship could make reconnection and resolution that much more difficult.
So, don’t assume that putting off or ignoring an issue in your marriage will make it go away. If the thought of counseling has come up for either of you, take it in good faith that your insights are valid and that it’s a good time to schedule an appointment.
3. Seeking Therapy Doesn’t Mean Your Relationship is Doomed
In fact, research on evidence-based couples therapy models like Imago and the Gottman Method shows high success rates when couples actively engage in the process3 4. At The Marriage Restoration Project, we’ve found that about 90% of couples who were considering divorce decide to stay together after our retreats.
Your willingness to show up, be vulnerable, and do the work is a positive predictor of a healthier relationship—not a red flag.
In many ways you and your spouse’s willingness to seek therapy is a positive indicator because it means you are willing to put in the work to help heal your marriage.
And in case you were wondering: at the Marriage Restoration Project, we’ve achieved a 90 percent success rate thanks to our unique approach. We measure our success by looking at the number of couples who come to us thinking about divorce but, after therapy, decide to stay together.
4. Know How to Make it Count
Deciding to attend relationship counseling together is already a major step in the right direction! If you and your spouse have already come this far, give each other some credit and a pat on the back. You’ve already proven that you’re committed and willing to put in the work.
We also invite you to prepare yourselves mentally and emotionally for therapy so you can really get the most out of your time with your counselor. We encourage couples to:
- Commit to therapy like you would any other doctor’s appointment or work function—show up on time, well-rested, and ready to focus
- Lead with curiosity and an open mind
- Be willing to work honestly on yourself as well as your marriage
- Do your homework!
- Research that your counselor has both parties’ best interests in mind
Key Takeaways
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Going to couples therapy is common and doesn’t mean your relationship is “broken.”
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Early intervention is best—waiting years often makes issues harder to repair.
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Therapy success rates are high when couples engage fully in the process.
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Your commitment matters—how you prepare and participate affects your results.
Sources
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Williamson, H. C., et al. (2021). Who seeks couples therapy? Demographic and psychological correlates. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
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Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books. ↩
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Shafritz, L., & Herget, R. (2018). Effectiveness of the Imago Relationship Therapy model. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy. ↩
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Gottman, J. M., Ryan, K., Swanson, C., & Swanson, K. (2019). Clinical outcomes from the Gottman Method. Journal of Family Therapy.
