Money can be a constant source of stress and it can impact your marriage and relationship every single day. You may already know how much MONEY creates fights in marriage and relationships, but did you know that men and women react differently to money issues? Let’s learn more about how we react differently, what triggers fighting for each, and how to prevent money fights.

Did you know that there is an underlying reason behind WHY money creates so much stress and fighting in a marriage? Men and Women react differently to money for several reasons, including a power struggle, fear of failure, and more.

Revealed by and Dorcas Cheng-Tozun (@dorcas_ct)

Author of Start, Love, Repeat: How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World (Hachette Center Street), Dorcas Cheng-Tozun did a fabulous job highlighting what entrepreneurs and start-up founders need to know so that money issues don’t threaten to destabilize their world and included us in her work. Thank you to for featuring her well researched piece!

“According to Rivka Slatkin, co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, “how men and women react to money and not having money is very different.”

Women tend to worry about safety and security; men fixate more on shame and failure. If faced with homelessness, Slatkin explains, a woman would be most concerned about her physical safety. A man would focus more on his inability to earn a living.

Because of these different outlooks, the entrepreneurial couple who is struggling financially could end up in a terrible downward spiral. Worried about insecurity, the woman might nag her husband about their financial troubles. If he’s the entrepreneur, she might tell him to get a “real” job or offer to find a higher-paying job herself.

Each of these actions, while not intended to do so, could push a man into further shame and even depression. He might then take this out on his wife through conflict or withdrawal. This would, understandably, cause her to feel even more insecure and anxious–continuing the painful cycle.

“In start-ups, funds are so tight that it would be really helpful for men and women to understand the fear-shame dynamic,” Slatkin explains. Once we understand this dynamic, we can understand the harm that our instinctual responses cause, and we can begin to figure out how to break that cycle.”

Even Celebrity Marriages Struggle with Money Fights in their Relationships

Top New York based matrimonial attorney Ira Garr, who has represented some of the biggest names in Hollywood and on Wall Street, says celebrities have “bigger egos and bigger wallets,” which can make things more difficult than they have to be.

“In any divorce case, the issues are the same,” He says. “Custody, support, division of marital property.”

Startup Founders and Business Owners have it harder

Because you may be running your own business and are a startup owner, you may be often strapped for cash or TIME.

Predictable income is hard and there are a lot of ups and downs financially.

This puts additional strain on the marriage especially due to the differences in how men and women respond to money.

Continue learning…

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Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online. Contact or