After the doozy that was 2020 and 2021, is there even a point to setting a New Year’s resolution when so many things are out of our control?
That may be your inner perfectionist talking- if it can’t be perfect why do it in the first place?
It’s wonderful to have the blessings of a new start and a chance to be different, we’re lucky to have these natural points of renewal every year, why not take advantage of the opportunity?
For some it’s really hard to think about planning and motivating one’s self to stick to a resolution. For others, they look forward to planning and embracing change.
Setting yourself up for a successful New Years resolution
A resolution doesn’t need to be thought of as a permanent change. In fact, the definition of resolution is: “a firm decision to do or not to do something.”
There is no time requirement or permanence attached to the resolution. Therefore, if you can set a doable time-limited resolution for the next two weeks and stick to it and be successful, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at your ability to set a resolution and stick to it!
Let’s build on that.
Work up the motivation to set a resolution
It’s often hard to see a way out of the situation that we’re in because there are so many layers and layers piled on top of it. In our couples therapy workshops, we have a process where we have couples share a frustration they have with each other and turn that frustration into a request. The request is based on S.M.A.R.T goals- a request that is time-limited, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time- limited.
You know what the goal is and you can achieve it because it’s doable and you’re willing to try it. As a result, couples feel good about their success and their effort to make the situation better. When that happens, couples often are pleasantly surprised, extending the request, because they realize it wasn’t so hard to do in the first place!
An example: a couple sleeping in separate bedrooms. It seems insurmountable to move back in together for so many reasons. But she asks that only for the next two weeks her husband move back into the bedroom with her. It’s a specific, measurable, time limited request- (one that an outsider can come in and measure so it’s not amorphous like – for the next two weeks you show me love. Well how does that get measured exactly?)
They sleep together for the next two weeks and it wasn’t so bad. They decide to try it another two weeks.
See how that goes?
You CAN succeed at a New Year’s resolution and no one said it has to last all year, everyone take a collective sigh of relief 🙂
We invite you to think about what New Year’s resolution you can take for your relationship- whether it’s having more intimate moments or enjoying more fun with each other. We offer opportunities for you to enjoy both downtime and the hard work that is couples therapy in our tropical couples therapy destination retreats. Check the upcoming calendar or talk with us about how you can learn to enjoy your relationship a lot more than you currently do by schedule a time to speak with us here or using the form below.
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