If your wife ignores you, no doubt you are feeling lost, angry, and uncomfortable. We recommend that you keep reading to gain more clarity about what is going on and what you can do about it. Quite often the underlying reason your wife or partner ignores you can be surprising. There are also different types of behavior to consider, such as whether your wife ignores you sexually, avoids physical contact, stops talking to you, or pretends you are not even present.

Reasons Your Wife Ignores You

Examine the possible reasons that your wife ignores you. There are many possible reasons you are feeling ignored or had not considered before. Here are a few examples.

  • She may be feeling hurt about some aspect of your relationship and she’s pulling away as a way to protect herself from being hurt further (this is called intimacy avoidance).
  • She may simply be preoccupied with other activities in her life and isn’t devoting as much attention to you or the relationship.
  • She may be angry and resentful toward you because of unresolved marital issues.
  • There may be something important that needs to be addressed in the marriage and she is ignoring you as a way to avoid addressing it.


It’s very unpleasant to be ignored. This quiz can explain why your wife ignores you. Take the Maximizer/Minimizer quiz here.

Your Perception of Her Behavior

It’s also important to examine your perception of what’s happening. Is your wife actually ignoring you or are you feeling neglected even though her behaviors haven’t changed? Sometimes people make assumptions about their partner that aren’t always true and it’s important to examine how realistic it is that your wife is actually ignoring you.

For example, a husband who finally completes a stressful project at work may finally have more time and energy to devote to his family. However, upon trying to spend more time with his family, he may find that his wife seems busy and preoccupied. He assumes she is now ignoring him.

In reality, her behavior didn’t change. He simply didn’t notice how busy she was previously because he was preoccupied with work. When his situation changed, he perceived that she had started ignoring him.

Take a look at your wife’s behavior and see what evidence you have that says she’s ignoring you. For example, is she literally not answering you when you talk to her? If that’s the case, ask yourself why. Better yet, ask her why directly. Is she preoccupied with her phone, or on her computer and doesn’t hear you? Or is she purposely giving you the silent treatment?

Once you have a clear answer about what specific behavior is causing you to feel ignored, it’s important to address it with your wife.

However, the way you choose to address your concern will have the biggest impact on the type of results you’ll likely receive.

Communicate without Blaming

Tell your wife that you’re feeling ignored by using “I statements.” Say things like, “I’m feeling ignored lately.” Avoid blaming statements such as, “You aren’t paying enough attention to me.” Or “Why do you keep ignoring me?” Our couples communication coaching utilizes Imago dialogue and communication exercises to help couples hear one another and express themselves more openly.

If you’re not sure how to use these statements and communicate well without fumbling, we recommend you try our Communication Training Program.

To learn how to STOP the cycle of stonewalling, gaslighting, and ignoring, watch the 5 step No Blame, No Shame Communication Training System.

Once the conversation gets started, reflect back what she has to say to show you are truly listening. Listening to her side of the conversation will help you to understand what is happening with her.

Once you have a better understanding of what it is going in the relationship, you can begin to take steps to repair the marriage.

You really can’t afford to wait much longer with the current dynamic that you have going on. Change it now by taking charge of your marriage by enrolling in the NO Blame, No Shame Marriage and Communication Program.

Talk with us today to begin healing the past, improve your health, become more successful with our 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat. We’ve already done the work and created the proven formula that helps 90% of our couples stay together and happy. Talk with us today about the Marriage Restoration Retreat!

More inspiration about what to do when your wife ignores you:


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Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online. Contact info@themarriagerestorationproject.com or