You didn’t get married expecting to feel this alone.
The tension. The arguments over the smallest things. The silence that lingers even when nothing is wrong. You start to wonder:
“Are we just too different? Are we even compatible anymore?”
It’s a painful question. But before you decide incompatibility is the issue, consider this:
Most couples who believe they’re incompatible are actually stuck in a pattern of unresolved conflict that’s left them disconnected — not incompatible. And the good news? That pattern can be changed.
Incompatibility vs. Unresolved Conflict
What many people call “incompatibility” is often a buildup of hurt, miscommunication, and emotional distance that hasn’t been repaired. You keep having the same fight. You both shut down. You stop trying.
But underneath all of that is still a desire to connect — you just may not know how anymore.
That’s where support comes in.
We created a 2-day marriage retreat to help couples like you get out of survival mode and reconnect again — fast. Whether you attend online or join us in person across the U.S. or in Costa Rica, you’ll learn how to:
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Break negative communication cycles
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Understand each other’s emotional triggers
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De-escalate arguments before they spiral
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Start healing — even if you’ve been stuck for years
How to Turn Disagreements into Opportunities & Build a Stronger Bond
Fighting Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing
According to Dr. John Gottman, couples disagree about 69% of the time. So if you’re arguing, you’re not alone — or broken.
What matters is how you handle those disagreements.
Do you:
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Attack or shut down?
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Get defensive when your partner brings something up?
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Avoid topics to keep the peace — but secretly feel resentful?
These patterns don’t mean you’re incompatible. They mean you need new tools for conflict — and connection.
The Power of Repair (And Why It Matters More Than Being Right)
Everyone makes mistakes in a marriage. What matters is whether you learn to repair the damage — and accept your partner’s attempts to do the same.
A repair might sound like:
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“I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I’m sorry.”
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“Can we try that conversation again later when we’re both calmer?”
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“I know this is important to you. Help me understand why.”
If you feel your conversations keep turning into arguments, try using “I” statements to shift the energy. For example:
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“I’m starting to feel overwhelmed — can we take a break and come back to this?”
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“I hear what you’re saying, and I want to understand more.”
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“I don’t feel like we’re getting anywhere right now, but I don’t want to avoid this. Let’s revisit it tonight.”
These are small shifts. But they make a big difference.
Pick Your Battles (Because Most Aren’t Worth Fighting)
If your spouse says something you disagree with, do you jump to correct them?
Do you listen to respond — or listen to understand?
When conversations become battlegrounds, neither of you wins. And 99% of the time, the disagreement isn’t worth the emotional fallout.
Here’s what is worth it: learning how to fight fairly and with love.
Related Reading…
- On Fighting Fair: How to Disagree with Your Spouse Without Fighting
- Why The Most Important Thing for a Healthy Marriage is NOT Conflict Resolution
- 10 Relationship Repair Attempt Examples: What They Are & Why They Work
- Marriage Counseling to Improve Intimacy
- All-Inclusive Costa Rica Marriage Retreats Featuring Imago Therapy
- Immersive 2-Day Marriage Counseling Retreats
- Group Couples Workshops to Improve Marriage in Baltimore
- 3 Imago Dialogue Steps: Mirroring, Validation & Empathy
- Imago Relationship Therapy Worksheets, Books & Resources
Learn Each Other’s Triggers — and Respect Them
One of the most powerful things you can do as a couple is recognize and name your emotional triggers. Then work as a team to avoid pushing those buttons.
If you know your partner feels abandoned when you walk away during a disagreement, say:
“I’m overwhelmed. I just need ten minutes — but I will come back.”
If your partner knows you feel dismissed when they cut you off, they can practice active listening and mirroring:
“What I hear you saying is… Did I get that right?”
This is how trust gets rebuilt. One moment at a time.
Is “Incompatibility” Just Another Word for Giving Up?
A 2014 study found the top reasons for divorce were:
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Lack of commitment (75%)
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Infidelity (59.6%)
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Too much arguing (57.7%)
Too much arguing came in third. Not incompatibility.
Blaming the end of a marriage on “incompatibility” often reflects a feeling of hopelessness or emotional fatigue — not a lack of potential. But when couples stop trying, stop listening, or stop believing the relationship can improve, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You can change that.
What to Do Next
If you’ve read this far, it’s because you care. You’re willing to work. You just need a process that actually works for where you are right now.
That’s exactly what our 2-day private marriage retreats are designed to offer — clarity, tools, and hope.
Whether you’re on the edge or just tired of the same old patterns, you don’t have to stay stuck.
Let’s help you turn your marriage into a partnership that feels safe, connected, and real again.
