Intentional validation in marriage is the act of validating your spouseโs feelings and expressions intentionally to ensure they feel like their feelings are valid. Have you ever felt like your husband or wife wasnโt really โgettingโ what you were trying to say? Unfortunately, many of us have experienced this feeling. In the rush of day-today life itโs easy for us to become disconnected from one another and lose the spark that once shined brightly.
Expressing intentional empathy is also part of the validation process, because when we share their emotions and feelings itโs a truly beautiful experience. In addition to sharing someoneโs emotions and feelings itโs also important to express your understanding and acceptance of what they feel is causing them to experience these feelings.
Improving Intentional Empathy & Validation in Your Marriage
When you communicate effectively and intentionally you strengthen your emotional connection and bond. A deeper emotional connection leads to more intimacy and relationship satisfaction overall. We compiled a list of resources, exercises, and downloadable worksheets to help you and your spouse improve empathic validation.
Related Reading…
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- The 5 Step Plan to a Happy Marriage Guided Journey to Lasting Love
- FREE Marriage Guide: 60 Second Plan for a Happy & Healthy Marriage
- Healing Childhood Trauma & Meditation Journal – Download & Print
- Downloadable DIY Pre-Marital Counseling Workbook
- Couples Communication Worksheets & Journal
- Delicious Conversations Couples Game & Conversation Starter
Empathically Validating One Another
Communication is not a one-way street, and effective communication cannot happen when one party does not empathically validate one another. When a person doesnโt feel validated, the communication cannot continue because one party does not feel they have been heard. Thatโs when itโs time to use Imago dialogue exercises like mirroring.
Characteristics of Empathy
There are certain characteristics that people express when communicating empathically.
- The ability to see another personโs perspective
- Communicating without judgment
- Recognizing and validating a personโs emotions
- Communicating effectively and openly
Itโs important to recognize the characteristics of empathic validation as well as red flags indicating a lack of it. When you communicate with your spouse and do not feel validated or that your partner is expressing empathy for your feelings (or vice versa) itโs important to stop the unproductive conversation. Depending on your moods you may decide to continue with the conversation using the imago dialogue technique or picking it up later when you have had time to calm down.
It is never a good idea to attempt a conversation when you are upset because the likelihood of either spouse having an emotional outburst they later regret is very likely.
The Importance of Empathy & Validation for a Healthy Relationship
Validation vs. Agreement
Validation in communication does not mean you agree with what someone feels, itโs reassuring them that you understand how they feel and accept it as valid. Validation is the process of expressing your acceptance of someoneโs feelings as real and meaningful even when you donโt agree with why they think they feel this way. Feelings are experience, they are not fabricated (at least not in a healthy relationship).
If your partner expresses their concern about your eating habits for example, you may not agree but itโs important that you hear them out and show them that you recognize and accept their feelings.