by Shlomo Slatkin, LCPC, licensed clinical professional counselor and co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project
Do you have a fear of drifting apart in your relationship? You’re not alone.
Even committed couples can quietly drift apart when life gets busy, routines take over, and connection becomes an afterthought.
The truth is simple:
Staying happily married requires intentional effort.
Without it, emotional distance creeps in — slowly, silently, and often unnoticed until it feels overwhelming.
Why Couples Drift Apart
Love naturally changes over time. It grows stronger when nurtured and weakens when neglected. Even healthy relationships can become distant when connection isn’t maintained.
1. Life gets busy
Work, responsibilities, and stress pull your attention away from each other.
2. Parenting takes over
When children dominate the schedule, couples often forget how to be partners instead of just co-parents.
3. Empty nest transitions
Once kids leave home, many couples discover they haven’t invested enough in their relationship as a couple.
4. Lack of intentional connection
Relationships don’t survive on autopilot. They require ongoing emotional engagement.
Regardless of the reason, drifting apart is almost always rooted in a lack of consistent connection — but the good news is that you can rebuild closeness with intentional habits.
How to Prevent Drifting Apart in a Relationship
If you’re afraid of drifting apart, take that feeling as motivation to start reconnecting. Here’s how to rebuild closeness in simple, practical ways.
Make Your Marriage a Priority
Recommit to showing up for your relationship. Let your spouse know you’re dedicated to growing together, not just coexisting.
Schedule Consistent Quality Time
Regular connection is essential. Try weekly date nights, shared coffee in the morning, evening walks, or daily check-ins.
Remember: The goal is presence, not perfection.
Nurture Your Relationship Beyond Parenting
Your marriage must have an identity outside of your roles as mom or dad. Cultivate shared interests, conversations, and dreams.
Try New Activities Together
Novelty creates excitement and helps couples feel more bonded. You can try a new restaurant, take a class, volunteer, plan a day trip, or work on a home project together. It’s less about the activity and more about the shared experience.
Build Emotional Intimacy Daily
Small gestures build deep connection:
Eye contact, compliments, affection, appreciation, hugs, gentle touch, and checking in during the day.
Emotional closeness improves communication, conflict resolution, and physical intimacy.
Seek Professional Marriage Help
Every couple experiences seasons of disconnection. What matters is addressing it early before the gap widens.
If you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure how to reconnect, a structured therapeutic setting can help.
Many couples find that a 2-Day Marriage Intensive allows them to rebuild connection, strengthen communication, and make breakthroughs faster than traditional weekly counseling.
Key Takeaways
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Drifting apart happens when intentional connection fades.
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Love fluctuates naturally — staying connected is a daily choice.
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Quality time, shared activities, and emotional intimacy keep your relationship alive.
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You can absolutely reverse emotional distance with consistent effort.
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Support is available if you feel stuck or disconnected.
FAQs About Drifting Apart
Why do couples drift apart?
Because they stop nurturing the relationship in the small, daily ways that matter.
Can you reconnect after drifting apart?
Yes. Connection can be rebuilt when couples become intentional again.
What are signs we’re drifting apart?
Feeling like roommates, reduced affection, less conversation, more conflict, or emotional distance.
What is the quickest way to reconnect?
Small moments of attention: eye contact, quality time, appreciation, and shared fun.
What if we can’t fix this on our own?
A structured marriage intensive can help you reconnect quickly and effectively.
More inspiration about drifting apart in a relationship:
- 3 Stages of Relationships. Which one are you in?
- 6 ways to stay in love forever
- The easiest way to avoid falling out of love is to do what every Imago therapy session requires
Reasons Couples Drift Apart
Love is a feeling that can actually wax and wane over time.
In a truly committed marriage, both partners behave lovingly toward one another, even if they aren’t currently feeling “romantic love”. (You can understand more about how love can fade over time in our article about the stages of relationship and relationship cycles).
When couples don’t put a concerted effort into growing together, they can drift apart.
Sometimes couples drift apart because they’re both busy with their own careers and hobbies.
At other times, couples drift apart when the kids leave the home.
There are many things that can cause couples to drift apart over time but it all comes to down to the fact that they may not be putting in enough connection time into the marriage. If you have a fear of drifting apart in a relationship, roll up your sleeves and get to work!
Prevent Yourself From Drifting Apart
Prevent yourself from drifting apart by making your marriage a top priority. Make it known that you are going to devote yourself to your spouse and that you are willing to work hard to make your marriage work.
Spend time together as a couple. Schedule a weekly date night if possible. Take turns planning your date night destinations. Remember, that date nights don’t need to be extravagant or expensive. Instead, keep the focus on spending quality time together.
If you have children, nurture your relationship outside of your roles as parents. Remember, that you’ll need to have more in common than having children together if you want your marriage to last long after the children have left home.
Find new activities to enjoy together. Engaging in new activities can help build excitement and prevent boredom. Get creative and don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone when it comes to trying new activities together.
While some couples may enjoy volunteering together, others may enjoy working on home projects as a couple. It doesn’t matter what you do together but it’s important that you spend time together talking and growing together as a couple.
When you work on your emotional intimacy, you’ll find that all aspects of your relationship will get better. You’ll communicate better. You’ll be able to solve problems and deal with conflict in healthier ways. Your marital intimacy is likely to improve as well.
Seek Professional Marriage Help
Growing together as a couple is an essential component in any lasting, happy marriage.
It takes a lot of energy and commitment but there certainly are steps you can take to avoid drifting apart and going “stale”.
Sources
- Gottman, J., & Gottman, J. (2015). 10 Principles for Doing Effective Couples Therapy. Guilford Press.
- Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
- Markman, H., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S. (2010). Fighting for Your Marriage. Jossey-Bass.
- Aron, A., & Aron, E. (1986). The Self-Expansion Model and Motivation in Close Relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an Interpersonal Process. Handbook of Personal Relationships.
- Sprecher, S. (2013). Relationship Maintenance Behaviors. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
- Huston, T. L., Caughlin, J. P., et al. (2001). The Connubial Crucible: Newlywed Years as Predictors of Marital Success. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Levenson, R. W., & Gottman, J. (1983). Marital Interaction and Satisfaction: A Longitudinal View. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
- Collins, N. L., & Feeney, B. C. (2000). A Safe Haven: Support-Seeking and Support-Giving in Marriage. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
- Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The Longitudinal Course of Marital Quality and Stability. Psychological Bulletin.
