Many couples quietly admit: “My spouse and I are drifting apart.” If you’ve had that thought, you’re not alone. Posts on Reddit and relationship forums are filled with people asking the same question: How do I know if this distance is normal, or if it means my marriage is over?
The truth is, staying happily married requires active participation in growing your relationship. Without it, the pressures of daily life—work, kids, technology—make it all too easy to drift apart from the person who should mean the most to you.
The good news: it’s possible to reconnect. Whether you’re deciding whether to save or end your marriage, or you’re simply worried about losing closeness, there are concrete steps you can take today.
Why Do Couples Drift Apart?
Love isn’t static—it waxes and wanes over time. In a committed marriage, both partners need to behave lovingly even when they don’t feel “in love.” (See the stages of relationships and relationship cycles here).
Couples drift apart for many reasons:
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Long hours at work or separate hobbies
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Prioritizing kids while neglecting the marriage bond
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Becoming “roommates” instead of lovers after years together
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Empty-nest transitions once children leave home
But at the core, drifting apart almost always comes down to lack of intentional connection time.
Prevent Yourself From Drifting Apart
If you’re searching “how do I reconnect with my spouse after drifting apart”, the answer starts with making your marriage a top priority.
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Schedule date nights. They don’t need to be fancy—what matters is showing up for each other.
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Nurture your relationship beyond parenting. Your marriage must be built on more than shared kids.
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Try new activities together. Adventure builds excitement and prevents boredom.
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Work together. Even simple home projects or volunteering side by side create connection.
When you work on your emotional intimacy, you’ll find that all aspects of your relationship will get better. You’ll communicate better. You’ll be able to solve problems and deal with conflict in healthier ways. Your marital intimacy is likely to improve as well.
6 Daily Habits to Keep the Spark Alive
These daily practices are simple, but they are what separate couples who reconnect from those who keep drifting apart.
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“Us” Time
Weekly date nights, overnight getaways, or vacations where the focus is only on each other. -
Connect Throughout the Day
Send texts, emails, or lunch calls. Small gestures create big emotional deposits. -
Give Appreciations
Replace criticism with gratitude. (Learn how in Step 4 of the 5 Step Plan).
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Try New Things
Cooking class, hiking trail, or even trying a new show together—novelty keeps relationships fresh. -
Make Each Other Laugh
Shared laughter diffuses tension and strengthens bonds. Laughing can create the same chemical bond as marital intimacy. Humor reconnects couples in powerful ways. -
Compliment Your Spouse’s Appearance
Even a simple “you look great today” reassures your partner that they’re still attractive to you.
The Power of Eye Contact in Marriage
One of the simplest yet most powerful ways to reconnect is through intentional eye contact.
That’s why every Imago therapy session asks couples to sit knee-to-knee, face-to-face, for 90 minutes. When couples take time to look deeply into each other’s eyes, everyday pressures fade and they feel cared for again.
Practical ways to use eye contact at home:
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Gaze into each other’s eyes for 15–30 seconds daily
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Pair eye contact with an appreciation or affirmation
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Use this time as a mini “reset” after stressful days
Watch our video below to see why eye contact is the easiest way to fall back in love again.
Watch the video below and you’ll understand.
Key Takeaways
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Couples drift apart when they stop prioritizing intentional connection.
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Daily habits like gratitude, laughter, and “us time” prevent disconnection.
- Marriage counseling intensives or Imago therapy provide deeper tools if you’re stuck.
FAQ: Drifting Apart in Marriage
Q: Can couples reconnect after drifting apart?
A: Yes—through intentional habits, open dialogue, and sometimes therapy. Many couples find that structured retreats or intensives accelerate reconnection.
Q: What if my spouse isn’t willing to try?
A: Start by modeling change yourself. Use daily habits, express gratitude, and invite small steps. If they remain resistant, discernment counseling may help.
Q: Is drifting apart the same as falling out of love?
A: Not necessarily. Love often fades without nurture, but reconnecting through new habits and communication can reignite it.
Sources
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Doherty, W. J. (2002). Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart. Guilford Press.
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Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2004). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Henry Holt.
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Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on Divorce: Continuing Trends and New Developments. Journal of Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650–666.
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Verywell Mind (2021). Signs You’re Drifting Apart in Your Marriage and How to Fix It.