When school starts, schedules fill up, and kids’ needs seem endless, it’s easy for your marriage to slide into the background. Many parents tell me they’ve become “co-managers of the household” and years later realize they’ve lost the spark that once kept them connected.
But here’s the hard truth: if you consistently put your kids before your spouse, your marriage suffers—and ultimately, so do your children.
In fact, research shows that a strong, stable marriage is one of the best predictors of children’s long-term well-being . Prioritizing your relationship is not selfish—it’s one of the most loving things you can do for your family.
Why Your Spouse Should Come First
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Children thrive when parents are connected. Kids feel more secure when they see a united, loving partnership. Conflict and disconnection between parents can create anxiety in children .
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Marriage is the foundation of the home. Parenting is temporary—your kids will eventually leave. But your spouse is your lifelong partner.
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Couples who prioritize each other stay happier. Studies show that investing in your marriage increases satisfaction, intimacy, and resilience through parenting challenges.
How to Keep Your Marriage First (Without Neglecting Your Kids)
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Schedule couple time like you do carpool. Even 20 minutes a day to connect—without screens or kids—is powerful.
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Don’t only “talk shop.” Skip logistics and grievances sometimes; laugh, flirt, and enjoy each other.
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Practice “Love Infusions.” Small, daily acts of care and gratitude (a text, a hug, a kind word) change the tone of the relationship.
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Model healthy love for your kids. Children learn how to treat their future partners by watching you.
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Invest in intentional support. If disconnection has already set in, consider a structured marriage retreat or program to reset the relationship.
When Kids Come First: The Risks
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Couples become roommates or co-parents rather than lovers.
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Marriages atrophy, leaving spouses with “nothing in common” when kids leave home.
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Children unintentionally carry the burden of being at the center of the household dynamic.
Key Takeaways
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Putting your spouse first isn’t selfish—it’s the greatest gift you can give your kids.
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A strong marriage models love, stability, and healthy communication for your children.
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Small, intentional changes—like daily connection and scheduled fun—go a long way.
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If you’ve lost sight of your marriage amid parenting, it’s never too late to reprioritize and rebuild.
Sources
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Amato, P.R. (2014). The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children. Journal of Marriage and Family.
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Cummings, E.M., & Davies, P. (2010). Marital Conflict and Children: An Emotional Security Perspective.
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Markman, H.J., et al. (2010). Relationship education research: Current status and future directions. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
