Individual therapy can be wonderful for self-growth. It helps you process emotions, become more conscious, and develop emotional health. But when it comes to marriage problems, relying solely on individual therapy can sometimes backfire—and even make your relationship worse.
When Individual Therapy Helps
There’s no question that individual counseling can:
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Build self-awareness
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Improve emotional regulation
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Help you identify triggers and patterns
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Encourage honesty with yourself
These benefits can make you a stronger partner. But marriage is more than one individual—it’s a system. That’s why working only on yourself, without including your spouse, sometimes creates unintended consequences.
When Individual Therapy Hurts a Marriage
Unfortunately, many couples have found that individual therapy can actually deepen marital conflict. Here’s how it happens:
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Spouse-blaming instead of self-reflection: Some therapists unintentionally validate a client’s complaints by labeling their spouse (e.g., “He’s a narcissist,” “She has anger issues”)—without ever meeting the partner.
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Pathologizing unseen partners: Diagnosing someone without assessment is not only unprofessional, it fuels resentment.
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Encouraging divorce prematurely: Some therapists may suggest leaving the marriage without exploring couples therapy first.
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Biases influencing advice: Therapists are human; personal experiences or biases may color how they view your marriage.
This can take an already fragile relationship and push it toward collapse.
Why Does This Happen?
Many individual therapists are well-meaning, but not all are trained in couples therapy. In fact, most graduate programs offer only one course on relationships. That means a therapist with an advanced degree may still lack the tools to address marital dynamics responsibly.
When you’re vulnerable and struggling, your therapist may be the only confidant you have—which makes their words carry extra weight. If they add negativity toward your spouse, you may internalize it as truth, even if it’s one-sided.
What Therapists Should Do
An ethical, responsible individual therapist will:
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Keep the focus on your thoughts, feelings, and reactions.
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Help you explore why you’re triggered by certain patterns in your marriage.
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Avoid diagnosing your spouse without meeting them.
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Encourage you to seek couples counseling when the issues are relational, not just individual.
Protecting Yourself (and Your Marriage)
If you’re in individual therapy while struggling in your marriage, keep these guidelines in mind:
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🚫 Stop the session if your therapist begins labeling or diagnosing your spouse.
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✅ Ask directly whether they have advanced training in couples therapy.
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👥 Consider seeing a licensed couples therapist (especially if divorce is on the table).
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🧭 Use individual therapy to better understand yourself, not to make final decisions about your marriage.
Final Thoughts
Individual therapy can be life-changing—but it’s not always the right tool for marital problems. Without proper training, therapists may unknowingly make a bad situation worse by encouraging blame, labels, or even divorce.
That’s why we’ve made it our mission to train therapists in how to handle couples’ issues responsibly. But ultimately, it’s also up to you, as the consumer, to make a wise choice.
If your marriage is struggling, consider couples counseling or a marriage retreat designed for both partners. This way, you’ll get clarity and healing without the risk of one-sided advice.
FAQ: Individual Therapy and Marriage Problems
Can individual therapy hurt my marriage?
Yes—if your therapist validates your complaints without addressing the relationship as a whole, it can create more distance between you and your spouse.
Why would a therapist suggest divorce?
Some therapists believe they’re protecting you, but without seeing both partners, they don’t have the full picture. It’s often premature.
What if my therapist calls my spouse a narcissist?
That’s a red flag. Diagnosing someone they’ve never met is unprofessional. A responsible therapist will focus on you, not label your partner.
Is couples therapy better than individual therapy for marriage issues?
Yes. Couples therapy is designed to address the relationship dynamic, not just one person’s perspective.
Key Takeaways
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Individual therapy is powerful for self-growth, but can unintentionally harm marriages when used alone for relationship issues.
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Red flags include therapists who blame, diagnose unseen partners, or encourage divorce.
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Most individual therapists lack advanced training in couples work.
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The safest path for relationship struggles is couples counseling or intensive retreats, where both voices are heard.
Sources
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Gurman, A. S., & Fraenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy: A millennial review. Family Process, 41(2), 199–260.
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Doherty, W. J., & Carroll, J. S. (2002). The difficult couple: Building clinical competence with couples and families. Guilford Press.
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American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT). Consumer Resources: Finding a Qualified Couples Therapist.
More information on how individual therapy can adversely affect your marriage:
