Fix a Sexless Marriage: When your Wife Doesn't Want Intimacy

If you’re a man whose wife doesn’t want marital intimacy or she flat out refuses intimacy, you are not alone. The good news is, that even if your wife refuses intimacy, there are some things you can do to help her become more interested in being with you intimately again. How do you fix a sexless marriage?

More inspiration about what to do when your wife does not want sex:

Below are a few suggestions for you if you’re the husband of a wife that does not want  sex and what you can do about it. We’ve reprinted this with permission from Rivka Sidorsky, LCSW-C, sex therapist. Here’s what she has to say.

marriage book

One of the most challenging aspects of any marriage is differences in desire.  It is particularly difficult when the discrepancy is vast.  Not only do you want it a lot, but your wife seems to hardly ever want it.  Even when she does, she doesn’t seem to enjoy herself very much.  Here are some ways to help the situation:

1) Ask yourself—what are you doing outside the bedroom?  Sex is not an isolated incident.  For women, sex is part of a greater experience of intimacy.  Physical intimacy should begin far before you enter the bedroom—and by that we mean that loving acts, kind words, help with housework, and some flirtation are good ways to begin the process.  While you may not need time to awaken interest, your wife likely will. We focus more on how to go about doing this in Step 5 of our marriage counseling program- Love Infusions.

2) Work on your emotional relationship.  How is your relationship in general?  Do you seem to argue a lot?  Are you on the same page with parenting?  Working on your emotional intimacy and closeness may help her feel that she wants to be closer to you physically. If you are feeling disconnected from each other, it’s no wonder why your wife may not be interested in intimacy. We have found that working on your marriage often is the key to creating more intimacy in your marriage as the absence of sex is often symptomatic of greater relationship issues.

3)   Are you going too fast?  Are you even trying to please her?  Try to have a long span of foreplay (30-45 minutes) so that she can become sufficiently interested. Ask her what makes her feel good and focus on giving to her. By becoming other focused, you will have both feel more connected.

4)    Ask her if you are hurting her—physically-speaking.  If she is experiencing any genital pain, that is a very good reason why she does not have interest in intimacy Talk to her directly about this and ask for her openness and honesty.  If she is experiencing vaginal pain, she should speak to her gynecologist right away as a first step to solving the pain.  If that does not help, consider seeing a sex therapist.

5) Talk to her about how you feel about your intimate life.  Tell her how much you love her and wish you could connect more on this level.

A marriage cannot survive without intimacy. If you are living in a marriage with no intimacy, it is essential that you work now to gain it back in a safe manner. Talk with us about our private 2 day marriage intensive retreat. It’s the best way for you to rebuild the trust and regain intimacy.

There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.

    You will receive our free 60 Second Plan to a Happy Marriage, along with transformational emails that will help you with your marriage.