Love Will Keep Us Together—True or False?
Many couples panic when they no longer feel “in love.” The spark fades, the attraction wanes, and they wonder: Is this the end? Should we divorce?
The truth is, what you’re missing may not be love at all—it’s intimacy.
Marital intimacy is deeper than romance, sex, or physical attraction. It’s about oneness—a connection that binds body, mind, and soul.
The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy
We recently met with Rabbi Manis Friedman, producer of The Lost Key, to talk about the deeper meaning of marital intimacy. What he shared was eye-opening:
“Constant pleasure is no pleasure at all.” – Baal Shem Tov
“When man and woman connect, they become one body, one soul, and a spirit of holiness is present.” – Zohar
Here’s what Rabbi Friedman explained:
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Sex is physical. Intimacy is spiritual.
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Sex is about taking. Intimacy is about giving and being present.
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Sex can satisfy the body. Intimacy nourishes the soul.
When we pursue pleasure alone, we become trapped in instant gratification—always craving more but never truly fulfilled.
But when we pursue intimacy, we experience the greatest pleasure of all: connection.
What Is Marital Intimacy, Really?
It’s hard to define intimacy because it’s not about candles, wine, or sensuality. Those may enhance the experience—but intimacy itself is something sacred.
Intimacy is:
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Feeling safe and seen by your partner.
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Being fully present, not distracted.
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Sharing your inner world—hopes, fears, vulnerabilities.
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Experiencing unity that transcends words or touch.
As Rabbi Friedman says:
“Intimacy is a mini-miracle. The oneness is nothing but a divine experience.”
How to Achieve Marital Intimacy
1. Shift the Focus from Performance to Presence
True intimacy happens when both partners slow down and become fully there—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.
Ask yourself: Am I connecting or just completing an act?
2. See Your Spouse as Sacred
When you remember that your spouse is not just your partner but a soul bonded with yours, the relationship takes on new depth.
Every interaction—touch, conversation, laughter—becomes an act of holiness.
3. Communicate Openly, Without Judgment
Talk about your emotional and physical needs without fear or blame.
Intimacy thrives in safety and understanding.
4. Replace “Falling in Love” with “Choosing to Love”
Our culture idolizes infatuation, but real love is a choice.
When you decide that your spouse is worthy of love simply because they are part of your life’s story, you create the foundation for lifelong intimacy.
5. Allow Sex to Evolve into Intimacy
Sex is not the opposite of intimacy—it’s a potential gateway to it.
When approached with respect, tenderness, and mindfulness, physical connection can become a spiritual experience that unites two souls.
Why Couples Lose Intimacy
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Stress, busyness, and technology create distance.
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Old wounds and resentments block vulnerability.
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Misunderstanding love as just attraction or pleasure leads to disconnection.
But when you reframe intimacy as something larger than pleasure—as the pursuit of oneness—you reignite what was lost.
More Inspiration About Achieving Marital Intimacy
FAQs
Q1. What’s the difference between sex and intimacy?
Sex is physical pleasure; intimacy is emotional, spiritual connection. You can have sex without intimacy—but true intimacy will naturally enhance your physical relationship.
Q2. What if I no longer feel attracted to my spouse?
Attraction can be rekindled by emotional closeness. Focus on kindness, empathy, and gratitude. When you feel connected again, desire often returns naturally.
Q3. Can intimacy exist without sex?
Yes. Intimacy starts with emotional safety, deep conversation, and mutual care. Physical connection becomes more meaningful once the emotional bond is strong.
Q4. What role does spirituality play in marital intimacy?
Seeing your spouse as sacred transforms the relationship. As the Zohar says, the unity between husband and wife mirrors divine oneness—it’s not only emotional, it’s holy.
Q5. How can we rebuild intimacy after years of distance?
Start small. Express appreciation daily, listen without judgment, and prioritize time together. Consider attending a couples retreat or intensive session to restore connection.
Final Thought
Couples often fear the moment when “love” fades. But love is not a feeling—it’s an action, a choice, a sacred commitment to oneness.
When you stop chasing pleasure and start pursuing presence, you’ll discover that intimacy—true intimacy—is the greatest pleasure of all.
