Do we still believe in marriage?

In 2017 I published an article called “How My Therapist Destroyed My Marriage“.

It was pretty controversial.

I got a lot of “hate mail” from other therapists.

Others Have Experienced Nightmarish Marriage Counseling Fails as Well

I must admit that I felt a little intimidated until my phone started ringing (and still does) with those formerly in a relationship that experienced these situations telling me I was on point.

In some scenarios not only had their spouse decided to suddenly ask for a divorce after going to therapy…

Some people even “ran off” WITH their therapist!

This Inspired Me to Create an Ethics of Couples Therapy CEU (Continuing Education) Class

This led me to create a CEU class for marriage counselors called Ethics of Couples Therapy as a way for therapists to check their biases on marriage and understand how their position as clinician holds tremendous power over a couple. (If you’re a therapist and you’d like to know more about the class, don’t hesitate to reply here and let me know)

This unfortunate dynamic still exists heavily today.

And I see it manifested greatly in smaller communities such as my own within the Jewish community.

It extends beyond therapists and also includes clergy, friends, family.

I hear this all too often-“My Rabbi, therapist, friend, family member told me I should get divorced because my spouse is abusive”.

This is NOT a post about abuse as that warrants an entirely separate CEU class…

And it’s wonderful that therapy is no longer a stigma for so many.

But I’d like to know.

Do we still believe in marriage?
Do we still use discernment?
Do we really think about where people are being trained to work with couples and from where are they getting their information?

For instance- families probably don’t know that the “bible” of therapy, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual changed a lot around sex addiction.

Is that because sex addiction no longer exists?

Or because we as society decided that it’s ok to open up our marriage to other things like pornography or even other people when it’s not satisfying anymore?

We must use discernment.
Especially in a religion like mine, where the Torah is our guide not the DSM.

If you’re someone with the power to hold hope for a family or destroy it with your words, please do everything in your power to learn what is out there to help couples.

Not sure where to look?

Behold, the Healing Powers of Imago Relationship Therapy for Couples

I’ll always advise learning Imago therapy, not only because it saved my own marriage, but because I haven’t seen any other therapeutic modality that holds hope for a couple to be able to withstand whatever life circumstances throw at a family and get through it together.

At its foundation, Imago believes that we were born in relationship, are wounded in relationship, and are healed through relationship.

Not through “canceling” someone because they’re just too toxic.
Not through a separation or trial period.
Not through “evidence based research” that can tell if you’re likely to get divorced or not.

But through infusing the Divine into a couples everlasting quantum connection.

That’s what’s steadfast and unchanging.