Beyond the long to-do list you’ll have as the mother or father of the bride or groom, one of the most important roles you’ll step into is learning how to support your adult child in their new marriage—without overstepping.
You want to remain a caring parent, but not get overly involved in your son’s or daughter’s relationship. And that can feel especially hard when you witness your child and their spouse fighting.
Should Parents Step In When Married Kids Fight?
It’s natural for parents to feel protective when their child is upset. If your son or daughter comes to you angry at their spouse, your first instinct may be to take sides.
But here’s the problem: when their conflict resolves (as many do), your involvement may leave lingering resentment, especially toward you or your son/daughter-in-law. Research shows that parental interference in adult marriages often increases stress and lowers marital satisfaction¹.
The best approach isn’t to rescue your child—but to empower them to handle conflict in healthy ways.
How Parents Can Support Without Interfering
Think of it as teaching someone to fish rather than fishing for them. Instead of inserting yourself into the middle of their conflict, give your kids the tools to build a healthy relationship on their own.
Practical steps include:
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Encourage communication skills. Point them toward resources (like counseling or retreats) rather than giving them “advice” in the heat of conflict.
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Share wisdom carefully. If you share lessons from your own marriage, keep it constructive. Even if your marriage had challenges, frame them as insights rather than warnings.
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Stay neutral. Avoid choosing sides. Affirm both partners and remind them they are a team.
The Best Wedding Gift: Premarital Counseling
Instead of household items that may gather dust, consider giving your child the lifelong gift of skills for a healthy marriage. Research shows that premarital counseling improves relationship satisfaction and reduces divorce risk².
Options for Engaged Couples
1. DIY Marriage Preparation & Counseling Course
This online course includes a book, workbook, audio recordings, and transcripts focused on communication. Couples also watch 14 videos where real conflicts are resolved using Imago Dialogue—a proven method for creating emotional safety and connection.
2. Engaged Couples Retreat – Getting the Love You Want
Hosted around the world (and virtually), this immersive group workshop helps couples:
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Explore their relationship history
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Understand how childhood experiences shape adult patterns
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Practice new communication skills through structured dialogue
Couples leave with tools they’ll use for a lifetime—and many describe it as the most meaningful premarital preparation they could have received.
Talk With Us About a Wedding Gift for Your Married or Engaged Children
Many parents we work with say they wish they had access to these tools when they first got married. After nearly two decades of marriage ourselves, we know the difference that communication skills make.
That’s why gifting your children a premarital counseling course or retreat isn’t just another box on the registry—it’s a gift that can strengthen their marriage from day one.
Key Takeaways
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Parents should avoid interfering in their adult child’s marriage conflicts. Taking sides often backfires.
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The healthiest way to help is by empowering kids with relationship skills and resources.
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Premarital counseling has been shown to boost long-term relationship success.
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Gifting a premarital retreat or online course may be one of the most impactful wedding presents you can give.
Sources
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Curran, M., et al. (2015). Intergenerational effects of parental involvement on marital satisfaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 29(5), 731–742.
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Stanley, S. M., et al. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and divorce: A randomized clinical trial. Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 117–126.
