Many couples panic when the warm, connected feelings of the early relationship fade. Suddenly you’re asking:
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“Do I love my spouse anymore?”
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“Why do I feel so disconnected?”
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“Is my marriage over?”
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“Did I marry the wrong person?”
These thoughts are alarming—but completely normal.
They often signal that you’re entering Stage 2 of the 3 Relationship Stages, a predictable developmental phase all long-term couples go through.
Understanding these relationship stages is one of the most effective ways couples regain hope, normalize their struggles, and begin healing.
Why Understanding Relationship Stages Saves Marriages
Most couples have no idea that relationships evolve through three predictable phases—and that Stage 2 is supposed to feel messy, confusing, and even hopeless at times.
When couples learn this, they often say:
“No one ever told us this was normal.”
Knowing the roadmap stops couples from prematurely giving up and helps you recognize that the disconnect you feel is painful, but solvable.
The 3 Relationship Stages (and How to Know Which You’re In)
Stage 1: Romantic Love (The Honeymoon Stage)
The stage where everything feels magical.
What couples experience:
- intense attraction and connection
- idealization (“everything about them is perfect”)
- lowered conflict
- feeling understood, seen, chosen
- a sense of “this is my person”
Why it feels so powerful:
Neuroscience research shows the early romantic phase floods the brain with phenylethylamine, dopamine, and oxytocin, which heighten pleasure, bonding, and optimism—while temporarily muting pain and logic.
This chemical cocktail is why:
- red flags are ignored
- incompatibilities seem small
- everything feels easy
But—Romantic Love is not designed to last forever.
And that’s not a flaw. It’s the gateway to growth.
Stage 2: The Power Struggle (Where Couples Panic)
This is where almost all couples start thinking:
- “I don’t love my spouse anymore.”
- “This is not the person I married.”
- “We fight all the time.”
- “I feel unappreciated, unseen, or misunderstood.”
- “Maybe love just dies.”
This stage is NORMAL.
It happens because the romantic neurochemistry wears off and childhood patterns, defenses, and unmet needs rise to the surface.
Common signs:
- recurring fights
- increased irritability
- emotional distance
- resentment
- defensiveness
- sexual disconnection
- fantasizing about escape
Most divorces happen here—not because couples are incompatible, but because they don’t realize this stage has a purpose.
The Power Struggle is the relationship’s call to growth.
It pushes both partners to:
- face old triggers
- heal childhood wounds
- learn communication skills
- restore safety
- understand each other’s deeper needs
- grow into a conscious, securely attached partnership
With support (therapy, intensives, workshops), this stage becomes the bridge to the best relationship you’ve ever had.
Stage 3: Real Love (The Conscious Partnership)
This is the goal.
What couples experience here:
- deeper emotional connection
- healthy communication
- secure attachment
- compassion
- acceptance of each other’s differences
- fewer fights
- faster repair
- mutual growth
- shared goals and vision
In this stage, couples stop trying to change each other and start asking:
“How can we help each other heal and become our best selves?”
This stage is not a fantasy—it is the natural outcome of doing the work in Stage 2.
Why Most Couples Never Reach Stage 3
Because they assume disconnect = incompatibility.
But in reality, disconnect = unhealed material resurfacing.
Research from Imago Relationship Therapy (Hendrix & Hunt) shows couples are unconsciously drawn to partners who activate their unfinished business from childhood—because marriage is the arena where the deepest healing becomes possible.
Your partner is not necessarily the problem.
They are the mirror revealing the parts of you ready to grow.
Proprietary Insight: How the 5-Step Marriage Restoration Model Fits Into These Stages
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we emphasize:
Step 1 — Stop the Bleeding
Rapid stabilization so conflict stops escalating.
Step 2 — Understand the Root Causes
Identify cycles, triggers, and childhood-based patterns driving the Power Struggle.
Step 3 — Rebuild Emotional Safety
Structured communication that rewires the nervous system for connection.
Step 4 — Reconnect & Repair
Daily practices to restore closeness, empathy, and intimacy.
Step 5 — Create the Conscious Marriage
Move into Stage 3 with long-term tools to prevent relapse.
This model integrates seamlessly with Imago stages while adding our own high-impact methodology proven across thousands of couples.
Why the Power Struggle Is Not a Sign Your Marriage Is Failing
The Power Struggle feels like:
- losing love
- growing apart
- incompatibility
- failure
- hopelessness
- “irreconcilable differences”
But underneath these behaviors is your brain attempting to protect old wounds.
When couples understand this, the meaning of conflict changes from:
“Proof we’re failing”
to
“Proof the relationship is ready for deeper intimacy.”
This shift alone saves marriages.
Examples of How Stage 2 Triggers Childhood Patterns
A classic example you shared:
Sam & Sarah
- Sam grew up without structure → became serious
- Sarah was spontaneous → initially attracted Sam
- After infatuation faded → her spontaneity triggered Sam’s instability wound
The conflict was not about personality differences.
It was about unhealed childhood experiences resurfacing.
This is exactly how the Power Struggle works.
How to Move From the Power Struggle to Real Love
Here’s the path couples actually need:
1. Normalize the Stage
Understanding what’s happening reduces fear and blame.
2. Learn Safe Communication Tools
Interrupt reactivity and repair faster.
3. Heal Underlying Wounds
Shift the emotional root of repetitive conflict patterns.
4. Reconnect Emotionally
Rebuild intimacy, empathy, and trust.
5. Get Structured Support
Most couples need skilled guidance to navigate Stage 2.
A weekend marriage intensive fast-tracks this transition and gives you a year’s worth of progress in two days.
When You SHOULD Seek Help
Seek support when:
- you feel numb or disconnected
- you’re fighting the same fight over and over
- you’re considering divorce
- you feel like roommates
- you’re stuck in resentment
- communication turns into criticism or shutdown
- intimacy is gone or inconsistent
- you feel hopeless or confused
These are not signs the marriage is over—they’re signs you’re in Stage 2 without tools.
You Can Get to Stage 3 — Even If You Feel Lost Right Now
The Power Struggle is the hardest part of marriage.
But once you recognize it’s a stage, you gain the clarity needed to move forward.
Your marriage is not broken.
It’s asking for new skills, new growth, and new tools.
This is exactly what our 2-Day Marriage Restoration Retreat is designed to do.
If you want to avoid years of slow weekly therapy and get real momentum quickly, this is where to start.
FAQ About the 3 Relationship Stages
Is it normal to feel like I don’t love my spouse anymore?
Yes—this is one of the defining experiences of the Power Struggle stage. It is reversible with understanding and the right tools.
How long does the Power Struggle last?
Without support, couples can stay stuck for years. With structured intervention, couples can transition out of it in weeks to months.
Can Stage 3 really bring back the love?
Yes—Stage 3 creates a deeper, more mature, more secure love than the honeymoon phase.
What if only one partner wants to work on the marriage?
We see partners re-engage frequently once emotional safety is restored and reactivity decreases.
Is every marriage salvageable?
Not every one—but most couples who are still searching for answers (like reading this page) are not done; they’re discouraged, not incompatible.
Key Takeaways
- Feeling disconnected doesn’t mean your marriage is over—it means you’re in Stage 2.
- All couples move through Romantic Love → Power Struggle → Real Love.
- The Power Struggle is where growth happens, not where love dies.
- Understanding these stages brings clarity, hope, and direction.
- With the right tools, couples can reach deep, lasting connection.
Sources
- Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. (2013). Getting the Love You Want.
- Carroll, L. (2014). Love Cycles: The Five Essential Stages of Lasting Love.
- Fisher, H. (2016). Neuroscience of romantic love.
- Gottman Institute research on marital conflict cycles.
- Hazan, C., & Shaver, P. (1987). Attachment and romantic relationships.
- Levine, A. & Heller, R. Attached.
