There’s no doubt that one of the most exciting times of a parent’s life is seeing your children successfully reach adulthood and move on to the next stage of their lives. Whether this is heading off to college or moving out to start an adventure on their own, flying free from the nest is an amazing accomplishment for both children and parents to witness and experience.
But when the kids move out and you have, for the first time since you were married, an empty nest, what do you do now? When so much of your life has revolved around your children, their activities and their future, it can be daunting to suddenly find yourself in a place where you and your partner suddenly have an influx of free, uninterrupted time to spend apart or together. And while this can be exciting and refreshing for so many parents, it can also put strain on any relationship as you and your partner are alone, perhaps for the first time since you had children, and may be unsure of what to do next.
If you’re a recent empty nester or are about to become one in the near future and are worried about what to do next with your marriage, we’re happy to help. We’ve put together a few key steps to help you and your partner rediscover your relationship once the kids fly the nest. Keep reading to discover more.
Reframe the Idea of an ‘Empty Nest’
When the kids leave home, it can be tempting to label the situation as an ‘empty nest’ or you and your partner as ‘empty nesters.’ While this can be a cute and fun way of referring to the situation, it can also bring with it some negative connotations. Rather than focusing on the opportunities that this situation brings, it draws attention to the negative aspect, the fact that the home is empty of your children.
By simply reframing how you speak to the situation and your relationship with a more positive spin, you can set yourself up for a happy transition. Rather than thinking of this as a loss of what it means to be a parent, think of it as the next phase of your life as a parent. You’ll still be involved in your childrens’ lives, just in a different way with different expectations and results. Think of this transition as the opportunity for you and your partner to grow and evolve even more, both as a couple and as parents. By simply reframing this idea, you can create a positive outlook and inspire both you and your partner to move into this new phase of life with open arms and willing hearts.
Get Out and Get Social
One of the most common aspects of this next phase of life is for couples to feel like they’re sort of stuck spending time with just one another. The truth of the matter is that, yes, while it’s great to have more time to devote to your relationship and build your marriage, there’s also the opportunity to get out of the house and be more social with other friends and family members around you. This is especially crucial for the time immediately following your children moving out, as you’ll likely feel like you have nobody to talk to other than your partner and no reason to really seek out social interaction without your children present.
With the additional free time that you and your partner have, you can take part in additional activities and social events that you may not have had time or bandwidth for before. Whether it’s signing up to volunteer for a local organization that both you and your partner love to support, finally joining a new exercise class that you’ve always been interested in or calling up your longtime friends to finally go out for that drink that you’ve been putting off, you’ll have plenty of time to spend with friends and family alike.
Take a Trip Somewhere New
An amazing method of rediscovering a relationship following children moving out is to finally take a fun trip somewhere new and exciting with your partner. Getting out of the house and into new scenery can be a great way to reset your mind and help remind you both why you chose to make the lifelong commitment of marriage in the first place. In addition, creating new happy memories together can be a great way of rekindling the passion in your relationship that may have been lacking or missing altogether with the responsibilities of children.
A trip with your spouse doesn’t have to be all fun and games – sometimes you need something a little extra to help get your relationship back on track after the kids fly the nest. In these situations, a marriage intensive retreat or a couples counseling retreat might be a great option to get out of the house, make some new treasured memories and reignite your marriage. These more involved retreats will entail meeting with a licensed marriage counselor throughout the trip, giving you the time you need to focus on your relationship and rebuild anything that may have been crumbling or fading away.
Spend Some Time on You
In addition to spending time together and out socializing, it’s just as important to take some time to spend just on yourself. For many parents, having children move out of the home can make them feel like they’re losing a huge part of their identity. After all, if you used to spend so much time and energy taking care of your kids and ensuring that they are successful, it can be debilitating to have that suddenly vanish from your life as they move on into adulthood.
After the kids move out, take some time to focus on yourself and rediscover what it really means to be you. Think about what you’re passionate about and what you’re interested in doing with your free time, whether it’s catching up on the latest hot book series you’ve been hearing about or taking on a new hobby or artistic outlet. Consider what you want for the future and how your spouse plays into that vision.
Rebuild Communication with Your Spouse
The last, but certainly not least, key step to take to rediscovering your relationship after the kids move out is to rebuild your communication with your spouse. Oftentimes, with the hustle and bustle of life and taking care of children, it can be easy to let communication between you and your partner slip and slide. When you suddenly don’t have this hurdle in the way, it’s crucial to rebuild how you communicate in order to keep your relationship healthy and supportive. Take the time to actually sit down and talk to your spouse about what you want to do next and how you want to work together to achieve your goals both as one person and as a couple. While this step may seem small, it can make waves in how you and your partner move forward in your relationship together.
Turning the Empty Nest into a New Beginning
When your kids finally reach the age where they have grown up and move out on their own, it can be a time of happiness and excitement. You and your partner will no doubt feel proud of their accomplishments and excited to support them in their next phase of life. However, this can also be a daunting and stressful time for couples, as they often feel that they lose a part of their identity as parents when children move out, and as a result, relationships can feel strained and suffer. By reframing the idea of children moving out with a more positive light, getting out of the house and being social, taking a quick trip somewhere new and rebuilding your communication, you can set your relationship up for success and rebuild a firm foundation of love and support going forward.
