What’s the Best Way to Save a Marriage? 15 Questions to Ask Before Choosing a Counselor

Should You Invest in a Marriage Counselor? A Guided Approach

When your marriage feels like it’s at a breaking point, asking “What’s the best way to save a marriage?” is natural. The answer often lies in choosing the right marriage counselor—one whose expertise and methods align with your needs.

Below are 15 carefully crafted questions to guide you toward the best choice—and the research supporting why they matter.

1. What type of therapy or approach do you use?

Different counselors use different methods—such as Imago Relationship Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), or The Gottman Method. The best way to save a marriage is to work with a counselor who uses an approach that fits your personalities and your unique challenges.

Evidence-based methods like the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) show 70–75% success in improving relationship satisfaction⁴.

2. Do you specialize in couples counseling?

If your goal is to save your marriage, you’ll want someone who works with couples every day—not a generalist who only sees a few couples a year. Specialization leads to deeper expertise and better results. Specialized counselors tend to yield better outcomes—common factors like empathy, alliance, and collaboration contribute significantly to success (over 30%)—while specific treatment methods account for under 1%⁸.

3. Have you worked with couples in our specific situation?

Whether you’re dealing with infidelity, constant arguments, or feeling like roommates instead of partners, choose a counselor who’s helped couples through the same struggles—and helped them succeed.

4. Will you take sides or stay neutral?

The best marriage counseling creates a safe, balanced environment. A counselor should remain neutral, giving both partners space to share their truth without fear of being judged or ganged up on.

5. How will you engage a reluctant partner?

One partner may be eager to repair the relationship, while the other is hesitant. Skilled counselors know how to bring both people into the process so the healing can start.

6. How much experience do you have with saving marriages?

Ask not just how long they’ve been in practice, but how many couples they’ve successfully helped move from crisis to connection.

7. What training or certifications do you have?

Look for specific training in marriage counseling methods—especially those proven to help couples heal deep rifts.

8. How much of your practice is focused on couples?

The best way to save a marriage is with someone who dedicates most or all of their work to couples therapy and relationship repair.

9. What outcomes can we realistically expect?

No counselor can guarantee results, but they should be able to share what successful change looks like and how you’ll know if it’s happening.

Overall, couples therapy improves outcomes in 70–80% of relationships, placing its effectiveness among top psychosocial interventions⁷.

10. How will we track progress?

Saving a marriage isn’t about vague “feeling better”—it’s about tangible change in how you relate, communicate, and resolve conflict.

11. Do you have testimonials or client stories?

Real couples’ success stories can give you hope and show you that change is possible.

12. Do you offer ongoing support after counseling?

A follow-up plan—like check-ins or maintenance sessions—can keep your relationship strong long after the initial work is done.

13. What is the cost, and can we use insurance or HSA/FSA funds?

Saving your marriage is an investment in your future. Understand the financial commitment and available payment options.

14. Do you offer in-person, online, or hybrid sessions?

Flexibility can make it easier to stay committed to the process, especially if life is busy or you’re navigating travel.

15. What’s your philosophy on saving a marriage?

Some counselors are strongly pro-reconciliation, while others are neutral about whether couples stay together. Find someone whose philosophy matches your commitment to saving the marriage.

How These Questions Lead to the Best Way to Save a Marriage

The best way to save a marriage isn’t just showing up for therapy—it’s choosing the right therapist who has the skills, experience, and approach to help you succeed.

When you find someone who meets your needs, understands your struggles, and has a clear plan for change, you give your marriage the strongest chance of not just surviving, but thriving.

Bottom line: If you’re asking, “What’s the best way to save a marriage?”—start by asking the right questions. The right marriage counselor can help you break old patterns, restore trust, and rebuild your relationship from the ground up.

P.S. In our experience – saving marriages for 20+ years- what we find to be the best combination of saving your marriage without having to wait a long time- is a highly trained pro-marriage couples therapist that also offers a private marriage retreat or intensive session. Our practice is entirely intensive based as we know that most couples don’t have a lot of time to spend when crisis hits and who doesn’t want the best and fastest results possible?

Key Takeaways

• Evidence-based therapies like EFT and Gottman lead to tangible results in about 70–75% of cases⁴.

• The therapeutic relationship matters more than technique—factors like empathy and alliance account for over 30% of outcome variability⁸.

• General couples therapy shows 70–80% effectiveness, offering a robust foundation for healing⁷.

• Choosing a specialist with proper credentials (e.g., AAMFT) and methods boosts your odds of successful intervention⁶.