If your husband ignores you, you may be feeling uncomfortable, sad, or even mad. Keep reading to gain more clarity about what is happening and what you can do to positively impact the situation.
Reasons Your Husband Ignores You
While there are many possible reasons you are feeling ignored by your husband, here are a few possibilities:
- He may be pulling away from your relationship as a way to protect himself from being hurt further or because of anxiety disorder.
- He may be preoccupied with other activities in his life like work or hobbies and isn’t devoting as much attention to you or the relationship.
- He may be angry and resentful toward you because of unresolved marital issues.
- There may be something important that needs to be addressed in the marriage and he is ignoring you as a way to avoid addressing it.
Is your husband really ignoring you?
Sometimes people make assumptions about their partner that aren’t always true and it’s important to examine whether your husband is really ignoring you. Although you may feel neglected, have his behaviors actually changed?
For example, a wife who spends her evenings putting the kids to bed, becomes an empty nester. She finally has time to enjoy her evenings with her husband when he returns from work. Excited about this new chapter in their relationship, she becomes disappointed to see he is preoccupied with reading his newspaper or watching TV. She assumes he is ignoring her.
In reality, his behavior didn’t change. She simply didn’t notice how he would relax by himself in the evenings, because she was preoccupied with bedtime. When her situation changed, she perceived that he had started ignoring her.
Take a look at your husband’s behavior and see what evidence you have that says he’s ignoring you. For example, is he literally not answering you when you talk to him? If that’s the case, ask yourself why. Is he preoccupied with his smartphone and doesn’t hear you? Or is he purposely giving you the silent treatment?
Once you have a clear answer about what specific behavior is causing you to feel ignored, it’s important to address it with your husband.
However, the way you choose to address your concern will have the biggest impact on the type of results you’ll likely receive.
What to do if your husband is ignoring you
Tell your husband that you’re feeling ignored by using “I statements.” Say things like, “I’m feeling ignored lately.” Avoid blaming statements such as, “You aren’t paying enough attention to me.”
If you’re not sure how to use these statements and communicate well without fumbling, we recommend you listen to the 5 Step Plan to a Happy Marriage Program.
Once the conversation gets started, reflect back what he has to say to show you are truly listening. Listening to his side of the conversation will help you to understand what is happening with him.
Once you have a better understanding of what it is going in the relationship, you can begin to take steps to repair the marriage.
Do this if he is ignoring you
While many cases of ignoring can be dealt with effectively through a safe conversation, there are certain scenarios that may be a bit more complicated. If your husband is exhibiting what you feel are narcissistic behaviors, he may be purposely ignoring you to get back at you for what he perceives as you ignoring him or not giving him enough respect.
If you do suspect that you are married to a narcissist, listen to our podcast episode on Married to a Narcissist: What can you do besides leave and still lead a happy life?
