What Is Involved in an Intensive Couples Therapy Weekend?

When couples are stuck in patterns of conflict or emotional distance — or facing a potential breakup — an intensive couples therapy weekend can offer a powerful reset. Unlike weekly one-hour sessions, this format condenses months of progress into just a few days, allowing partners to move past surface-level issues and address the deeper roots of their struggles¹.

In my own work as a marriage therapist specializing in Imago Relationship Therapy, I’ve found that the most lasting change happens when we go beyond communication techniques to explore the early life wounds that quietly shape our adult relationships². This depth-focused approach often produces more transformation than standard weekend retreats that stop at skill-building.

Why the Weekend that You Choose Matters

Weekly therapy has its place — but for couples in crisis, it can feel like just when the session gets going, it’s time to leave. In psychotherapy research, extended, uninterrupted sessions have been shown to help couples maintain emotional engagement long enough to access vulnerable material and make deeper repairs³.

With a weekend intensive, there’s no need to spend the first 15 minutes “catching up” like in weekly therapy. Instead, we build continuously on each insight until real breakthroughs occur.

What Makes This Approach Unique

While many intensives focus mainly on teaching communication skills, my work combines those skills with guided exploration into the unconscious patterns we carry from childhood. Imago therapy proposes that we are unconsciously drawn to partners who embody both the positive and negative traits of our early caregivers⁴.

Why does this matter? Because many heated arguments are not about the “here and now” — they’re about old wounds being reactivated. A late arrival to dinner may trigger the same feelings of neglect someone experienced as a child, making the reaction disproportionately intense.

By naming and working through these patterns together, couples can begin to turn conflict into connection.

Inside our Typical Intensive Weekend

1. Pre-Weekend Relationship Clarity

Before meeting, we have a short conversation about:

• Some relationship history/details
• Your hopes for the weekend

This preparation ensures that we begin with clarity and direction⁵.

2. Day One – Connection and Pattern Mapping

We start by establishing safety through the Imago Dialogue — a structured conversation process where each partner speaks, listens, and reflects without interruption.

We then identify recurring conflicts and connect them to past experiences. Couples often have an “aha” moment when they see that their partner’s reactions are less about malice and more about unhealed pain.

3. Day Two – Deep Healing Work

Here, we do the heaviest lifting. Using dialogue, role reversal, and imagery exercises, each partner shares formative experiences that shaped their needs and fears.

For example, a spouse who reacts strongly to being dismissed may recall a childhood marked by emotional invalidation. In the intensive, their partner learns — and practices — how to offer validation in a way that is healing⁶.

In my experience, this “90/10 Rule” (90% old wound, 10% present behavior) explains much of what couples fight about — and once understood, it dramatically reduces reactivity.

4. Integration and Planning

We close by:

• Identifying specific new behaviors to replace old reactive patterns
• Creating daily connection rituals
• Outlining a follow-up plan to reinforce progress after the weekend

Why This Can Be More Impactful Than Other Retreats

Many intensives stop at surface communication coaching. Rabbi Shlomo’s approach, in contrast, blends skill-building with the healing of childhood-origin wounds in real time, with your partner present as the safe witness. That’s why couples often leave not only communicating better, but also feeling fundamentally closer.

Quick Self-Assessment: Is an Intensive Weekend Right for Us?

Answer yes or no to each question:

1. Do we feel stuck in recurring conflicts that never seem to resolve?
2. Have we tried weekly counseling but felt it moved too slowly?
3. Do we have at least one partner feeling emotionally disconnected or ready to give up?
4. Are we willing to be vulnerable and share personal history, even if it’s uncomfortable?
5. Can we commit to at least 12–16 hours of focused work over two days?
6. Are we both open to learning new communication tools and practicing them on the spot?

If you answered “yes” to 4 or more questions:
An intensive weekend may be an excellent fit for your relationship.

If you answered “yes” to fewer than 4 questions:
You might consider starting with weekly sessions or a shorter-format workshop before diving into a multi-day intensive.

Key Takeaways

• Intensive couples therapy weekends offer a deeper, faster path to change than weekly sessions.
• Rabbi Shlomo’s Imago-informed process helps couples uncover and heal childhood wounds that fuel present-day conflicts.
• Extended time together allows couples to reach breakthroughs that are harder to achieve in shorter formats.
• A self-assessment quiz can help determine if an intensive format is the right choice for you.

Sources

1. Eubanks, C. F., et al. (2019). Therapist responsiveness to negative client process: Revisiting the research on repair of alliance ruptures. Psychotherapy Research, 29(4), 492–503. ↩
2. Hendrix, H., Hunt, H., & Luquet, W. (2015). Imago Relationship Therapy: Perspectives on Theory. Routledge. ↩
3. Benson, L. A., et al. (2012). An integrative approach to couples therapy: Pre-treatment preparation. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 3–21. ↩
4. Hendrix, H. (2007). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Henry Holt & Company. ↩
5. Knobloch-Fedders, L. M., & Pinsof, W. M. (2010). The role of the therapist in couples therapy. Family Process, 49(1), 84–107. ↩
6. Johnson, S. M., & Greenman, P. S. (2013). The path to a secure bond: Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(5), 499–509. ↩