When couples first fall in love, compliments and sweet words flow naturally. But over time, life gets busy, routines take over, and the spark that once felt effortless can fade. Many couples eventually ask: “How do we keep the spark alive in our marriage?” or “What should I say to my spouse every day to avoid falling into a rut?”
The good news? You don’t need grand gestures or expensive gifts to keep love alive. Small, intentional words spoken daily can make the biggest difference.
Why Words of Affirmation Matter in Marriage
Research on marriage satisfaction shows that daily expressions of appreciation and gratitude significantly improve relational happiness and resilience¹. When partners feel seen, valued, and cherished, they are more likely to stay connected even during stressful times.
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we encourage couples to create a daily ritual of appreciation. This doesn’t have to take long—just a few heartfelt words can reset the energy of your marriage from mundane to meaningful.
Things to Tell Your Spouse Every Day
1. Express Appreciation
“I really appreciate the way you…”
Appreciations remind your spouse that their efforts are noticed. Even something as simple as thanking them for making coffee or handling a stressful situation keeps the marriage fueled with positivity.
2. Offer a Compliment
“You look great today.”
Compliments don’t have to be elaborate. Small acknowledgments of beauty, kindness, or competence reinforce attraction and affection.
3. Share Gratitude for Your Relationship
“I’m so glad I get to share life with you.”
Expressing gratitude for the relationship itself keeps couples from taking each other for granted. Research shows that gratitude is strongly linked to deeper emotional intimacy².
4. Speak Hope Into the Future
“I’m excited for our plans this weekend.”
Looking forward together builds anticipation and reminds both partners that their shared life is full of joy, not just obligation.
5. Say “I Love You”—and Mean It
It sounds simple, but couples often forget to say it consistently. Adding specifics like, “I love you because…” deepens the message.
How to Make Daily Affirmations Work
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Schedule it in. Just like a date night, create a time for sharing daily appreciations. Ritualizing the practice helps it stick.
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Ask if it’s a good time. If your spouse is stressed or distracted, say: “I’d like to share an appreciation with you—would now be a good time?” This ensures they can fully receive it.
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Clear out negativity. Daily affirmations work best when couples address and detox negativity from past conflicts. Studies confirm that unresolved resentment dampens the impact of positive gestures³.
Common Questions Couples Ask
“What if I don’t feel like saying nice things to my spouse?”
Start small. Even if you feel distant, focusing on one small thing you appreciate each day can shift your mindset and rekindle warmth over time.
“Isn’t this going to feel fake?”
Not if you’re genuine. The key is sincerity. Over time, this habit becomes natural and deeply rewarding.
“Can this really keep the spark alive long-term?”
Yes. Research shows that couples who consistently express gratitude and affection maintain higher levels of satisfaction even decades into marriage⁴.
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we’ve worked with thousands of couples across the globe. In over 20 years of clinical experience as licensed couples therapists, we’ve found that the simplest interventions—like daily affirmations—often create the most lasting change.
Key Takeaways
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Daily affirmations like appreciation, gratitude, and compliments keep love alive.
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Ritualizing this practice helps couples avoid falling into the “roommate” rut.
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Negativity must be addressed for affirmations to take root.
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Even small, sincere words have a compounding effect on marital happiness.
Sources
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Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233.
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Gordon, A. M., & Baucom, B. R. (2009). Gratitude and relationship maintenance in intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96(2), 256–274.
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Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (2010). Of memes and marriage: Toward a positive relationship science. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 2(1), 4–24.
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Lambert, N. M., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). Expressing gratitude to a partner leads to more relationship maintenance behavior. Emotion, 11(1), 52–60.
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