When any couple reaches a breaking point in their marriage and the dreaded word, ‘divorce,’ starts to rear its ugly head, they may already feel like their relationship is on a path towards failure. Whether it’s due to infidelity, lack of communication or an outright betrayal, this is a dangerous path for any married couple to trek. In some situations, the issue at hand may just seem so overwhelming and impassable that divorce seems like the only solution.
However, before any couple decides to throw in the towel and take the first steps towards divorce, it’s important to take a step back and think about the true price that comes along with it – the financial and emotional costs. It’s not something that’s often considered until couples are well into the process already, but the true cost is of the utmost importance to keep in mind when thinking about divorce. If you’re interested in learning more about the real price of divorce, we’re happy to help. Keep reading to discover the financial and emotional implications of deciding to divorce rather than working to keep your marriage alive.
The Financial Costs of Divorce
Let’s begin with a quick examination of the financial costs that more often than not come with divorce. While the division of assets and lawyer fees are quite obvious costs, there are other, hidden costs that often come into play when a couple decides on divorce. Not only will couples need to split up their marital assets, including investments, homes, cars, savings and retirement funds, and hire an experienced lawyer to help them do so, but they’ll also need to consider other financial obligations.
One such financial obligation is the allocation of debt. If either or both spouses have outstanding debt, such as credit cards, personal loans or student loans, this debt will need to be split between both partners. This process can often be contentious and complicate the transition from a two-person marriage to single adulthood.
When going through a divorce, it’s important for each member of the former couple to have their own legal representation in order to make the transition as smooth as possible and to protect their future. However, this legal guidance comes with a high cost, with fees ranging from $500 – $50,000 over a 12-month period. This total is often in addition to other financial costs, such as court filing fees, division of asset fees and any other evaluations that must be conducted throughout the process.
In addition, another consideration in the financial costs of divorce is the loss of income and increased living expenses. If one partner in a relationship is the breadwinner or is bringing in most of the income, the other may be left high and dry, needing to re-enter the workforce or take on a second job to cover expenses. This is in addition to any alimony that must be paid as part of the divorce, which can be up to 40% of the paying spouse’s total income.
Another consideration to make is that splitting up the household will involve separate living arrangements. This can absolutely increase housing and travel costs for both former spouses, with average costs ranging from a few thousand dollars to tens of thousands of dollars. Child support is yet another consideration to make with a split household, which does vary state to state but is averaged at approximately .25% of annual salary.
On top of separate housing costs and child support, a final financial cost to consider with divorce is that of therapy. Not only will both spouses likely require some sort of therapy to help them through the process of separation and grieving their relationship, but also their children will need therapeutic assistance. This is often court-mandated, with fees averaging at about $150 per session or about $2400 per year.
Cost of a Contested Divorce
Traditional couple; man with a 100,000 job; 2 children
| Service | Description | Low | High | Monthly Avg | 12-Months |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Attorney Costs | Hourly fees average $350 an hour + (x2) | $10,000 | $50,000 | $46,000 | $46,000 |
| Court Costs | Filing fees | $250 | $500 | $400 | $400 |
| Child Support | Formula varies by state – 25% of salary | $0 | High | $1,875 | $22,500 |
| Alimony | Formula varies by state (40% of the paying spouse’s income) | $0 | High | $1,690 | $20,280 |
| Evaluations | Home studies, etc. | $0 | $10,000 | $2,200 | $2,200 |
| Division of Assets | Appraisals and valuations | $0 | $25,000 | $8,550 | $8,550 |
| Moving/Living Expenses | Double rent, utilities, furnishing, etc. | $0 | $10,000 | $3,700 | $44,400 |
| Therapy & Counseling | Court-ordered therapy – $150/session | $0 | $25,000 | $300 | $2,400 |
| Total Cost | $64,715 – $146,730 | ||||
| Emotional Costs: Life-changing event | |||||
Coast of No Contest Divorce
2 children, both spouses working with a combined income of $80,000
| Service | Description | Low | High | Monthly Avg | 12-Months |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Attorney Costs | Hourly fees average $350 an hour + (x2) | $500 | $10,000 | $970 | $970 |
| Court Costs | Filing fees | $250 | $500 | $400 | $400 |
| Child Support | Formula varies by state – 25% of salary | $0 | – | $625 | $7,500 |
| Alimony | Formula varies by state (40% of the paying spouse’s income) | $0 | – | – | – |
| Evaluations | Home studies, etc. | $0 | $4,800 | $1,200 | $1,200 |
| Division of Assets | Appraisals and valuations | $0 | $0 | $0 | $0 |
| Moving/Living Expenses | Double rent, utilities, furnishing, etc. | $0 | – | $3,200 | $38,400 |
| Therapy & Counseling | Court-ordered therapy – $150/session | $0 | – | $0 | $0 |
| Total Cost | $4,400 – $39,600 | ||||
| Emotional Costs: Life-changing event | |||||
The Emotional Costs of Divorce
In addition to the financial costs that so often come with divorce, it’s of the utmost importance to consider the emotional price that each member of the family will pay when a divorce is brought to the table. There will be obvious increases in stress and anxiety among both spouses, as they seek out to navigate the complex and arduous process of separating out their lives that were once so closely linked. This will also be present in any children in the relationship, as they will be experiencing a highly distressing emotional upheaval in their lives, no matter how amicable the split was.
Stress can also be increased significantly as couples navigate through financial issues, such as one partner being forced to restart a career that was put on hold to be a stay-at-home parent in order to support themselves. This stress can also be amplified following a divorce, as single parents adapt to new lives in which their children are not with them full-time, as in cases of co-parenting or split custody.
Another emotional cost of seeking out a divorce is the grief, sadness and anger that can come with a separation. One or both partners may not be fully bought into the idea of a divorce and will subsequently feel grief for their relationship and sadness about the situation in which they find themselves. This can also often be accompanied by anger and resentment, especially if the separation was contentious or if there were other factors at play, such as infidelity. These emotions will also be experienced by any children, as they work to navigate this new reality while mourning the family that they once had.
How to Avoid the True Price of Divorce
Simply put, the best way to avoid paying the true price of divorce is to not go through with it or learn how to create safety in your relationship as coparents. Rather than deciding to separate from your partner, take a step back from the situation and decide to fight to stay together. This will involve a lot of work from both members of the relationship and the input of an experienced professional. At this point, seeking marriage counseling is important to help you navigate the rough roads ahead and get you back on the right path towards a happy marriage. You can also take the plunge on something to really jumpstart rekindling your relationship, such as a private marriage intensive or couples retreat. Asking for help is not giving up – it’s taking the first step towards reinvigorating your marriage.
The True Cost of Divorce: Why Saving Your Marriage May Be the Better Option
When couples begin to hit the point in their relationship where they are considering divorce, it may feel like it’s the end of the road. However, before any couple decides to move forward with divorce, it’s important to take a step back and consider the true costs involved with a divorce, both financial and emotional. Between massive legal fees and the distress that can come from a separation for both spouses and their children, the cost of divorce might just be too high to consider as an option. To avoid this cost, couples should seek out a licensed marriage counselor or couples therapist to help them fight through the rough patch and get back on the road towards a happy, loving relationship.
