While there are so many positive experiences that come along with marriage, the unfortunate truth is that there are some not quite as exciting experiences that every couple faces. Namely, conflicts with your spouse. Whether this is a disagreement over something simple, such as what to have for dinner, or a fully fledged argument over a larger topic, like what to do with a family issue, any level of conflict, both big and small, can create stress within even the healthiest of relationships.
When facing conflict, there are different responses that can be expected that vary greatly from person to person. Some react in anger, some in sadness and some will go all-in on the silent treatment. And while withdrawing from the conflict may feel like a safe option to reset and reestablish your perspective, the truth of the matter is that this can actually be very harmful to your relationship. Rather than communicating effectively, you are removing yourself from the situation in the hopes that it will be resolved. However, this often just builds tension and resentment, leading to escalating conflict or further arguments in the future.
If you’re in a relationship and one of you is prone to withdrawing and giving the other the silent treatment when conflict arises, never fear. We’re here to help you overcome this hurdle together with tried-and-true steps to get you back to healthy communication. Keep reading to discover how you can work with your spouse to overcome conflict without withdrawing.
Confront the Conflict Head-On
In tense or confrontational situations, it’s easy to feel tempted to just escape the situation through avoidance or withdrawal. However, as previously mentioned, this can actually breed further resentment and tension, which can lead to a bigger and more explosive argument or confrontation later on. Rather than avoiding the conflict, approach it head-on and keep communication between you and your partner active and engaging. This will lead to a quicker resolution and less stress for the both of you in the long term. Additionally, it will limit the temptation to withdraw and avoid the conflict altogether.
Brush Up on Active Listening
Another crucial step in navigating conflict with your spouse is being an active listener. When it comes to conflict and argumentative situations, we all have a natural tendency to listen to respond rather than listen to understand. Give your partner a chance to speak their mind and actively listen to what they have to say. This active participation shows that you value your relationship and value them as an individual. Again, you don’t need to necessarily agree with what they have to say about the issue at hand, but it’s important to show that you value their opinion and want to hear it.
Be Open to Other Perspectives
Although you may feel that you are undoubtedly in the right in any given conflict with your significant other, it’s important to take a step back and listen to their perspective. This can open your eyes to other insights and opinions that you may not have considered that are relevant to the situation at hand. Additionally, this can help establish value and trust between you and your partner, showing that you truly appreciate and value their opinion on the matter, even if you don’t necessarily agree. Being open to your partner’s perspective goes hand-in-hand with practicing active listening.
Keep Things Current
If you’re stuck in a heated argument with someone that you know well, it’s easy to fall back on other areas in which they’ve wronged you or caused you stress in order to further validate your opinion in your own mind. Disagreeing with your partner about which side of the family to visit for the upcoming holiday season? You may feel tempted to bring up the fact that they complained about going to your side of the family’s holiday gathering several years back. However, while this issue may feel related, it’s not totally relevant to the present issue at hand. Keep things current and focused on the conflict happening now, rather than bringing up something that happened in the past. That way, you can overcome the issue together rather than spiraling into past grievances that are no longer relevant.
Remember That You’re a Team
When faced with a difficult situation in which you are at odds with your partner, you may feel like it’s a ‘me vs. them’ scenario. However, it’s of the utmost importance to always remember – you are on the same team! Whether you’ve been married for ten days or ten years, you and your partner should see any conflict that comes your way as an obstacle that you must overcome together. Otherwise, you risk undermining the trust and safety felt within your relationship, which can be damaging in the long-term.
Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help
For so many couples, some conflicts can cause so much tension in their relationship that it seems unsurmountable. In these instances, it’s important to remember that there is help out there if you need it. Reach out to an experienced marriage counselor or licensed couples therapist when you feel like you need some assistance in getting over a conflict that feels like it might just be too much for you to handle on your own. They’ll be able to assist you with one-on-one couples therapy or suggest something a little more in-depth, such as a marriage intensive retreat or couples therapy cruise, to help get you both back on the right track towards successful communication.
Turning Conflict into Connection
Any relationship has its ups and downs, no matter how strong or how long you’ve been together. One of the unfortunate downs that comes with every relationship is the ever-looming presence of conflict. Whether it’s a small disagreement over where to go to dinner or something bigger such as how to handle an upcoming major financial decision, conflict can cause high levels of stress in couples. While it may feel tempting to ignore the situation or withdraw from it entirely, it’s important to confront the conflict head-on and keep the lines of communication open with your partner. Additionally, by practicing active listening and remembering that you’re on the same team, you can set yourself up to successfully overcome the hurdle of conflict together. And don’t forget – you can always seek out the help of a licensed marriage therapist or couples counselor if you need it.
