When thinking about ways to keep a marriage vibrant and healthy, we often find ourselves considering aspects that involve both partners. Whether it’s maintaining healthy and open communication, making sure to dedicate ample quality time together or simply taking the time to show how much you care about your partner, it’s easy to understand why we so often focus on the ‘we’ rather than the ‘me.’
However, there is a crucial component to any strong marriage that is often neglected or overlooked in this day and age – self-care. While it may seem backwards or selfish to think about, taking care of oneself, both physically and mentally, is an essential building block of any long-lasting and successful relationship. From taking time to spend by yourself reading a great book to a few hours spent at the gym to an afternoon indulging in your favorite spa treatment, having a little bit of time dedicated to take care of yourself, your own physical health, and your own mental health can make all of the difference in your marriage.
But how does self-care contribute to a healthy, successful relationship? Why does it play such an important role in keeping a marriage strong? If you’re curious about the part that adequate and meaningful self-care can play in your relationship, we’re happy to help. Keep reading to discover the different ways that self-care can contribute to a positive, happy marriage that lasts for the long term.
Self-Care Can Help Minimize Stress
Think about the last time that you were incredibly stressed and had to have a meaningful conversation with someone important, such as your spouse. Were you able to keep a clear head, or did tensions immediately arise? Chances are that you were immediately even more stressed and argumentative, as you were already in a negative place to begin with. Now imagine that you were calm, completely stress-free, and in a place of zen, about to have a difficult conversation. How would you react differently?
This is where self-care can provide help. Through self-care, you can effectively work to minimize and reduce stresses and anxieties, freeing up your mental space and allowing you to focus on the here and now. It removes negative connotations and thoughts from the onset, giving you the ability to start fresh with a clear mind. This effectively allows you to jump into difficult situations or conversations that may have proven to be detrimental to your relationship before.
Self-care practices such as massage therapy or yoga are an excellent way to reduce anxiety without any additional stress placed on the body. Additionally, taking an hour to hit the gym or complete a workout is a great way to work out stress and infuse you with endorphins, building on your happiness and sense of accomplishment. Even a small spa treatment, such as a facial or pedicure, can help relieve stress and set you up for success.
Self-Care Shows That You Value Yourself and Your Relationship
There’s no doubt that indulging in self-care can bring upon feelings of guilt for many individuals, as it can feel a little self-indulgent at times. However, this practice is actually a reflection on how much you value yourself and your subsequent relationships with those around you. If you do not place a high value on yourself, you’re less likely to take part in self-care practices, perhaps thinking that you are not deserving. On the other hand, if you value yourself and your identity, you’re likely more prone to taking care of your own mental and physical needs through self-care practices.
The same applies to your relationships – if you value your marriage with your spouse, you’ll want to put the best of yourself into it. Whether it’s maintaining a positive, communicative environment or simply spending quiet time together, this is crucial for any partnership. When you practice self-care, you effectively create an environment in which you are presenting your best self to your spouse, showing that you truly value them and your relationship. This, in turn, will strengthen your bond and your marriage.
Self-Care Isn’t About Just You
When you think about it, the term ‘self-care’ is actually misleading. While it does refer to oneself, it’s not as selfish or narcissistic as its name and reputation may imply. Rather, this practice is more about resetting oneself through thoughtful mental and physical care to allow for better reactions to the environment around you. By taking the time to take care of yourself, you’re also showing that you value the environment and those around you. In fact, it may inspire your spouse to take a moment of self-care themselves, thereby building on the trust and connection you already have in your relationship. Perhaps you can even indulge in a little bit of self-care together, such as a couples massage!
A part of self-care that is often overlooked involves reflection, both on yourself and your relationship. For many couples and individuals, this process can be arduous and stressful rather than healing and rejuvenating. If you are someone or part of a relationship that tends to lean towards the former rather than the latter, professional marriage counseling might be a great solution. A licensed couples therapist can help guide you through this process of reflection in a stress-free and supportive environment., giving you crucial tools and techniques to help you better yourself and your relationship along the way. This is an important method of self-care in any relationship for both the individual and the couple.
The Power of Self-Care in a Successful Marriage
While the term ‘self-care’ may feel selfish at times, the truth is that it is an important part of any successful marriage. Taking the time to tend to one’s mental and physical needs is crucial to maintaining a healthy relationship, as it helps to reduce stress, shows that you value yourself and your spouse, and gives you the opportunity to reflect upon yourself and your relationship. Through practicing self-care, couples can effectively set themselves up for a long, happy marriage with plenty of connection and trust.
Enhancing Self-Care Through Professional Guidance
While practicing self-care individually is vital, many couples find that they benefit greatly from incorporating guided support into their journey. Marriage counseling and couples therapy provide a safe, professional environment to explore the deeper aspects of self-care within a relationship, helping partners reflect, reconnect, and rebuild. For couples looking for a more immersive experience, attending a marriage intensive retreat offers the perfect opportunity to dedicate uninterrupted time to strengthening your bond while gaining tools and strategies to navigate life’s challenges together. These professional resources complement personal self-care practices, ensuring that you and your partner thrive both individually and as a team.
Frequently Asked Questions About Self-Care in Marriage
Isn’t self-care selfish when I’m supposed to be focusing on my marriage?
Not at all. Self-care gives you the energy, clarity, and emotional regulation needed to show up fully in your marriage. When you take care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of your relationship.
What types of self-care actually help marriages?
Both physical (exercise, sleep, nutrition, relaxation) and emotional (therapy, journaling, mindfulness, hobbies) forms of self-care support healthier communication, patience, and intimacy in marriage.
How do I practice self-care if my spouse doesn’t support it?
Start small and consistent—like taking 15 minutes to read, walk, or meditate daily. Over time, your spouse will likely notice the positive changes and may even join in. Framing self-care as a way to improve the relationship helps reduce resistance.
Can self-care replace couples therapy or marriage retreats?
No. Self-care complements, but doesn’t replace, professional guidance. While it helps you regulate stress and improve communication, counseling provides tools for deeper repair and growth. Many couples find the two together to be transformative.
Can couples practice self-care together?
Yes! Shared activities like couples yoga, cooking healthy meals, walking, or enjoying spa time together deepen connection. Practicing self-care together reinforces the idea that both the individual and the marriage matter.
Self-Care and Its Impact on Marriage
| Self-Care Practice | Individual Benefit | Relationship Benefit |
|---|---|---|
| Exercise & Physical Activity | Reduces stress, boosts mood and energy | Improves patience and emotional regulation |
| Mindfulness / Meditation | Enhances calm, focus, and self-awareness | Decreases reactivity in conflict |
| Hobbies & Personal Time | Builds self-esteem and fulfillment | Prevents resentment, adds fresh energy to bond |
| Rest & Sleep | Restores energy, reduces irritability | Encourages better communication & intimacy |
| Professional Counseling | Provides healing and coping strategies | Strengthens empathy, trust, and connection |
| Shared Self-Care Activities | Enhances bonding and fun | Reinforces “we” while honoring “me” |
Key Takeaways
- Self-care reduces stress, giving partners clearer minds and calmer communication in conflict.
- Valuing yourself strengthens your marriage. When you practice self-care, you bring your best self into the relationship and reinforce that your marriage matters.
- Self-care isn’t selfish. By caring for your own needs, you create a healthier environment for both partners and may even inspire your spouse to do the same.
- Couples can practice self-care together. Shared activities like couples massages, walks, or wellness routines deepen connection.
- Professional support enhances self-care. Marriage counseling and intensives provide safe reflection and skills that complement individual practices.
Sources
- Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishing.
- Explains how self-regulation and personal wellbeing directly affect marital satisfaction.
- Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. Guilford Press.
- Demonstrates how self-care and self-compassion improve emotional resilience and relationships.
- Proulx, C. M., Helms, H. M., & Buehler, C. (2007). Marital quality and personal well-being: A meta-analysis. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69(3), 576–593.
- Research showing strong links between individual wellbeing and marital satisfaction.
- American Psychological Association. (2019). Stress in America: The impact on relationships. Retrieved from apa.org
- Reports how stress management and self-care contribute to healthier romantic relationships.
