Marriage Counseling Without Taking Sides: How Imago Therapy Creates Safety for Both Partners
One of the biggest fears couples have about going to therapy is this: “What if the counselor takes sides?” It’s a valid concern. Many couples have walked into a therapist’s office only to leave feeling like one partner was labeled “the problem” while the other got a free pass. Instead of feeling supported, you walk away defensive and even more disconnected.
That’s exactly why Imago Relationship Therapy is different.
Unlike traditional counseling, Imago therapy ensures that the therapist never takes sides. Instead, the focus shifts away from who’s “right” or “wrong” and toward creating safety, connection, and healing.
Why Do Some Therapists Take Sides?
Traditional therapy models often focus on individual pathology—looking for what’s wrong in each partner. This can make it easy for one spouse to feel blamed or judged. If you already feel defensive in your marriage, having a professional confirm your worst fears can push you further apart.
Couples need an approach that levels the playing field and helps both partners feel seen and heard.
How Imago Therapy Prevents Taking Sides
At the heart of Imago is the Imago Dialogue, a structured communication technique that:
Puts the couple face-to-face, not therapist-to-client
Focuses on listening and mirroring back exactly what’s heard
Keeps the therapist in the role of facilitator—not judge or referee
Creates emotional safety so both partners can express vulnerability
Instead of “he said / she said” battles, you learn to hear each other’s experiences without judgment or interruption.
Beyond Communication: Healing What’s Underneath
Imago Dialogue isn’t just about repeating words back. It helps uncover the deeper wounds driving your frustrations. For example, if one partner feels “ignored,” it often links back to old feelings of abandonment or rejection from childhood. Once those deeper emotions are surfaced in a safe way, compassion replaces criticism.
This is why Imago isn’t just a “communication technique”—it’s a path to transformation.
Why Fairness Matters for Saving Your Marriage
When neither partner feels blamed, both can lower their defenses and actually do the work. Instead of one person being “the problem,” the relationship itself becomes the client. That shift alone is often what gives struggling couples hope again.
The Best Way to Learn the Dialogue
The most effective way to practice Imago Dialogue is in a safe, immersive environment—like an Imago Workshop or our 2-Day Marriage Restoration Retreat. Created by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, these retreats give couples dedicated time to:
Learn the Imago Dialogue step by step
Rebuild safety and compassion
Heal childhood wounds that drive conflict
Leave with a practical roadmap for connection
Key Takeaways
A major fear in couples therapy is that the counselor will take sides.
Traditional therapy can unintentionally reinforce blame.
Imago Dialogue ensures fairness by focusing on connection, not diagnosis.
The process allows couples to uncover deeper wounds and develop compassion.
Workshops and retreats provide the best environment to master these tools.
Sources
Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2019). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. St. Martin’s Press.
Yalom, I. D. (1995). The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy. Basic Books.
Imago Relationships International – Imago Therapy Overview.
Related Reading:
The Imago Dialogue: Does it Solve Problems?
How to Fix a High Conflict Relationship
Is Imago Therapy Just Communication Skills?
