When it comes to life, it’s key to remember that everything is always changing. Nothing that we have or do is set in stone, which is both a blessing and a curse. As we get older, our children will, too, eventually moving out and leaving us empty nesters. We’ll also reach the point in our careers that we can finally retire, freeing up our time. On the other hand, there are also major life changes that can cause high levels of stress and anxiety, such as job loss or a sudden loss of a family member or loved one.
Any situation that comes with these big life changes can put stress on any couple, whether you’re recently married or you’ve been together for decades. This is the case for both positive and negative life changes. During these times, it can be easy to grow apart due to the chaos that inevitably comes with change. How do you ensure that you stay together and strengthen your relationship through life’s major transitions?
If you’re approaching a big life change or currently experiencing one and are unsure of how to keep your relationship strong and secure, we’re happy to help. We’ve put together some of our top tips and advice for how to best build and maintain a healthy, satisfying relationship that can withstand any of life’s major changes. Keep reading to discover more.
Prepare for the Upcoming Change
If you are fortunate enough to see an upcoming major life change approaching on the horizon, it’s time to start planning. Sit down with your spouse and outline how to best prepare for this upcoming change, whether it’s putting a financial plan in place for retirement or planning how to best reorganize the house after your youngest child moves out on their own. While preparation may feel like it’s being done in vain given the unexpected nature of many major life changes, this process can help greatly appease stress and anxiety as it comes along.
Get Excited for an Upcoming Adventure
While big life changes can be daunting with all of the unknowns that often come along with them, they can also be exciting. These are often entirely new experiences that allow individuals and couples to explore novel situations, such as having more time to travel together with retirement or more time to spend on new hobbies with all the kids sent off to college. Of course, some situations such as job loss or loss of a family member can be less exciting than stressful. However, these opportunities can also be seen as a new opportunity for couples to grow together and overcome obstacles as a team.
Don’t Forget – You’re Both on the Same Team
While it’s key to remember at every point in your relationship that you and your spouse are a team, it’s even more important during big life changes. The stress and anxiety that can come with unexpected hurdles can often leave us in a defensive position that makes us more prone to lash out against those that are closest to us. This is especially true if the source of the anxiety can be tied, whether directly or indirectly, to our partners, such as a spouse losing their job that was the key source of income for the household.
When you begin to feel anxious and upset, take a step back from the situation and remind yourself that you and your spouse are a team. In considering the principles of Imago therapy, remember that the obstacle being presented to you is simply that – an obstacle that you both need to overcome together. Reframe your thinking to focus on the actual problem at hand and work together with your partner to overcome it as a team.
Make Time for Just the Two of You
For so many of us, getting caught in the middle of a big life change will take all of our time, energy and attention. This time can be chaotic and can limit the time that we have available to spend with our loved ones, especially our spouse, which can lead to feelings of anxiety and lack of intimacy. To counter this tendency to grow apart during these stressful times, make sure to reserve some quality one-on-one time to spend together, just the two of you. Even if it’s 15 minutes a day to enjoy a cup of tea and cuddle, this special time will help you stay connected and keep intimacy alive.
Call in Extra Help if You Need It
With many big life changes, especially unexpected ones, handling them on your own might not be the best solution. With situations such as job loss or other detrimental life-changing events, it might be in the best interest of you and your spouse to call in expert assistance to keep your relationship functioning at its best. Opting for couples therapy or marriage counseling isn’t throwing in the towel or calling it quits, but rather it’s a safe and effective way to maintain and strengthen your relationship in the face of change and hardship. Whether you opt for a local marriage counseling service or you seek out something a little more involved like a weekend marriage intensive retreat, calling in extra help with a certified marriage counselor is a great way to keep your relationship strong, no matter what life changes come your way.
In life, there’s one thing that’s certain – nothing is certain. Each and every day brings with it the opportunity for change, both minor and major. With big life changes, such as retirement or becoming empty nesters, it can feel a little overwhelming to just deal with the day-to-day chaos of the situation. At this point, it can be easy to feel distant from your partner as you navigate the situation, which can cause more spin and anxiety. By working to prepare for the change, getting excited about the opportunity it brings, remembering that you’re a team, making the time to spend together and calling in extra help if you need it, you can set your relationship up for success in the face of any challenge that life throws your way.
