by Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, LCPC, a licensed clinical professional counselor, relationship expert, and co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project. For more than 20 years, I’ve helped couples move from crisis to connection through evidence-based marriage counseling, Imago therapy, and our highly structured 2-Day Marriage Intensive Retreats.
If you’re searching for advice on how to stay present in a relationship, you likely already feel what so many couples quietly struggle with: daily life pulls you everywhere except toward each other. Between work, parenting, stress, and endless obligations, even deeply committed partners drift into autopilot.
You may catch yourself wondering:
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“Why do we feel like roommates?”
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“How do I reconnect with my spouse?”
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“How do we bring back that spark without starting from scratch?”
These are real, vulnerable questions—and answering them starts with one deceptively simple shift: presence.
Below are additional resources if you’re also exploring reconnection strategies:
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The easiest way to fall back in love again
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How do I get my wife to love me again? A marriage crisis averted with this simple, powerful technique
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What to do when you feel like you’re falling out of love
Why Presence Makes or Breaks Connection in a Marriage
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we’ve worked with thousands of couples who tell us the same story:
“We love each other… but we don’t feel connected anymore.”
Presence is the bridge back to connection. It is the antidote to disconnection, resentment, and emotional distance. When you slow down enough to truly “arrive” in the same moment together, your nervous systems soften, your walls lower, and your relationship becomes a place to rest—not another stressor.
And the most accessible doorway into presence?
Eye Contact: The Fastest Way to Reconnect and Feel Emotionally Safe Again
Eye contact is one of the simplest and most overlooked techniques we teach couples—because it works immediately.
When couples sit face-to-face and simply hold eye contact, something remarkable happens:
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Their limbic systems regulate, relaxing fight-or-flight
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Stress chemicals drop
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Their bodies soften
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They remember, “Oh right… you’re my person.”
Even couples who arrive feeling tense, distant, or shut down often rediscover warmth within minutes of gently looking at each other again.
“When was the last time you really saw each other?”
Most couples can’t remember.
Life becomes full of logistics—who’s picking up the kids, who’s paying the bills, who’s doing bedtime. Without noticing it, weeks or months pass without the simple act of being in each other’s presence without distraction.
But the moment couples take even 60 seconds to look into each other’s eyes, the emotional fog clears. It becomes easier to:
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Feel cared for
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Feel chosen
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Remember love instead of frustration
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Rebuild trust
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Believe change is possible
It’s a refreshing reminder:
“Oh, it’s you. I’ve missed this.”
This tiny practice often reignites warmth in marriages that feel stale or stuck.
How to Practice Eye Contact to Feel More Connected
Try this simple exercise tonight:
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Sit facing each other
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Place your feet on the ground
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Breathe normally
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Look gently into each other’s eyes for 30–60 seconds
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Notice what comes up—emotion, calm, sadness, gratitude, anything
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Do not talk; just stay present
You don’t need a big conversation. You don’t need a perfect mood. You don’t even need to “try hard.”
Presence itself does the work.
Key Takeaways
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Presence is the foundation of emotional intimacy. Without it, couples drift into distance even when love is still there.
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Eye contact is the fastest, simplest tool to bring you back into connection.
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Your nervous systems respond instantly, reducing stress and increasing safety.
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This practice works even when the marriage feels stale, tense, or disconnected.
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Small daily moments of presence often create bigger breakthroughs than long, complicated relationship strategies.
FAQs About Staying Present and Reconnecting With Your Partner
1. What if eye contact feels awkward for us?
That’s normal. Many couples feel awkward because they haven’t slowed down enough together in a long time. The awkwardness usually fades within 10–20 seconds as the nervous system relaxes.
2. Can this help if we already feel disconnected or distant?
Yes—especially then. Presence is often the missing ingredient when couples feel like “roommates” or emotionally checked out. Reconnection begins with safety, not big conversations.
3. How long should we hold eye contact?
Start with 30 seconds. Increase to 1–2 minutes if it feels comfortable. You don’t need long sessions—consistency matters more than duration.
4. What if one partner avoids intimacy or pulls away?
Go slowly. No forcing. Invite the partner gently, or start with shorter intervals. Sometimes couples need guidance from a trained therapist to rebuild safety first.
5. Should we talk afterward?
You can, but you don’t have to. Some couples like sharing what they felt. Others simply enjoy the peaceful moment. Both are valid.
Sources & Research
While this article speaks from clinical experience, the following research supports the relationship between eye contact, presence, and emotional bonding:
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Limbic Resonance & Co-Regulation – Studies on how eye contact synchronizes emotional states in close relationships
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Attachment Theory Research – Eye contact as a core component of bonding and secure attachment
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Psychophysiological Studies – Eye gaze reduces amygdala activity and increases connection-related oxytocin
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Mindfulness & Presence Research – Presence improves relationship satisfaction, communication, and emotional attunement
