The tragic passing of actor Robin Williams reminds us how invisible depression can be. Someone who brought joy to millions was suffering deeply inside. Sadly, this story resonates with many couples: how many of you are married to a spouse with depression, silently carrying a burden you cannot always see?
Depression does not just impact the individual—it affects marriages, parenting, family life, and even work. Many couples wonder: “Can our marriage survive my spouse’s depression?” or “How do I support my partner without losing myself in the process?”
Understanding Depression in Marriage
When your spouse struggles with depression, it can leave you feeling helpless, resentful, or even isolated. Research shows that depression in one partner increases marital conflict and decreases relationship satisfaction for both spouses¹.
What makes this harder is that many marriages suffer in silence. Just as Robin Williams’ public joy masked private pain, your spouse’s depression may be invisible to others. Couples often compare themselves to others, assuming that everyone else’s marriage is “better.” But the truth is, you are not alone.
Psychologist Dr. Irvin Yalom identified universality as one of the healing factors in therapy: realizing that others share our struggles helps reduce isolation, validates our experiences, and provides hope².
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
We tend to get wrapped up in ourselves. We may become fixated on our own struggles to the point we are not aware that others are having a hard time.
We may even look at others and assume they are fine and that only we are suffering. We look at other couples and think their marriage is great, or that they are better parents than we are.
Yet, the truth is that we are all struggling.
When I meet with couples, I often help them conceptualize their conflict in a way that normalizes their experience.
When we think our situation is an exception to the rule, we lose hope for improvement.
It is when we realize that what we are going through is “normal”, that provides us the encouragement that we can get through this and that our relationship is not doomed.
One of the curative factors of group therapy according to psychologist Dr Irving Yalom is universality.
The recognition that we may share our experiences with others helps remove the sense of isolation, validate our experiences, and raise our self-esteem.
Realize that you are not alone and reach out to others for support when you need it.
Can Depression Ruin a Marriage?
Left unaddressed, depression can lead to emotional withdrawal, lack of intimacy, and ongoing conflict. But with proper treatment and support, couples can actually emerge stronger. Studies show that supportive relationships buffer against the worst effects of depression³.
How Do I Support a Depressed Spouse Without Burning Out?
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Practice active empathy: listen without judgment, reflect back feelings.
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Encourage treatment gently—therapy and medication can make a huge difference⁴.
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Set healthy boundaries: supporting your spouse does not mean neglecting your own self-care.
Should We See a Therapist Together or Separately?
Individual therapy may help your spouse, but couples therapy provides tools for both of you to communicate, reduce conflict, and share the emotional load. Intensive marriage retreats and structured online therapy can be particularly effective for couples in crisis.
Practical Steps for Couples Coping with Depression
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Communicate openly: share feelings without blame (“I feel worried when you…” vs. “You always…”).
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Stay connected: plan small moments of joy or calm together, even during difficult times.
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Seek outside support: friends, family, group therapy, or professional counseling.
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Normalize the struggle: remind yourself this is not a marriage failure—it’s a challenge many couples face.
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we’ve helped couples for over 20 years navigate crises like depression, trauma, and disconnection. As therapist working exclusively with couples, our experience shows that couples can heal and even grow closer through adversity when the right support is in place.
Key Takeaways
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Depression impacts both partners and the marriage, not just the individual.
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Many couples suffer in silence, but recognizing that you are not alone brings hope.
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Supportive communication and empathy are essential to surviving depression in marriage.
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Therapy—individual and couples—offers proven tools to restore connection.
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Hope is possible: depression does not mean your marriage is doomed.
Sources
¹ Whisman, M. A. (2007). Marital distress and DSM-IV psychiatric disorders in a population-based national survey. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 116(3), 638–643.
² Yalom, I. D. (1995). The Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy. Basic Books.
³ Beach, S. R. H., & Whisman, M. A. (2012). Relationship distress and depression: The role of marital processes. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 4(1), 48–59.
⁴ American Psychological Association. (2020). Understanding psychotherapy and how it works.
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