How My Shopping Addiction Affected My Marriage (and What I Learned About Healing)

When Shopping Becomes an “Exit” From Your Relationship

We all have ways we “exit” when we feel unsafe in our relationship. For some, it’s scrolling on a phone or working late. For others, it’s food, alcohol, or shopping.

A shopping addiction is one of the most common—and least discussed—ways we try to escape emotional discomfort. In marriage, it’s not just about the money. It’s about safety, trust, and emotional disconnection.

When we don’t feel emotionally safe, we often turn to something that gives us control or comfort. Shopping can fill that role temporarily—but over time, it becomes a wall between you and your spouse.

A Real Story: When My Shopping Addiction Almost Ended My Marriage

“I’ve been with my wife for over 20 years, and I’ve always been a shopping addict. It wasn’t so bad when we didn’t have much money, but now we do—and I’ve amassed a mountain of debt.
She’s had enough. I can’t blame her.”

Many couples quietly face this same story. It starts with small purchases—“just one more thing”—and ends with financial stress, secrecy, and broken trust.

If this sounds familiar, please know: you are not beyond repair. Shopping addiction and financial betrayal can devastate a marriage, but with awareness, accountability, and therapy, it’s possible to rebuild.

Why Shopping Addictions Happen

A shopping addiction is rarely about “stuff.” It’s about emotions we haven’t learned how to process safely.

You may find yourself shopping when you:

• Feel anxious, lonely, or rejected

• Want to avoid conflict or shame

• Are trying to feel worthy or powerful

• Need comfort or escape

Each purchase gives a brief hit of relief—followed by guilt and secrecy. In Imago terms, this is an exit behavior—a way to avoid the painful vulnerability of facing disconnection in the relationship.

How Shopping Addiction Damages Marriage

Financial damage is only part of the story. The deeper injury is emotional.

Here’s how compulsive spending affects relationships:

• Erodes trust: Hiding purchases or lying about money creates betrayal.

• Reverses roles: The “responsible” spouse becomes a parent figure, while the other feels shame.

• Breeds resentment: Financial strain leads to anger and disconnection.

• Blocks intimacy: The emotional “exit” becomes a substitute for closeness.

It’s not the spending itself—it’s what the spending is trying to soothe.

The Path to Healing: Recovery and Repair

If you’re ready to stop hiding and start healing, these steps can help:

1. Get Honest and Take Responsibility

Admit the full truth—about debt, secrecy, and motives. Your partner deserves honesty, not excuses.

2. Seek Professional Help

Therapy for both addiction recovery and marriage repair is essential. Look for a therapist who understands the emotional roots of compulsive behavior, not just financial management.

3. Rebuild Emotional Safety

In Imago Therapy, couples learn to communicate without blame. You’ll learn to talk about triggers, fear, and shame safely—without defensiveness.

(See: How to Apologize to Your Spouse in 5 Steps)

4. Create New Accountability Habits

Financial transparency—shared budgets, open conversations, no secret accounts—rebuilds trust over time.

5. Remember: Change Takes Time

Addiction recovery and relationship repair are long-term journeys. But with humility and commitment, many couples not only recover—they grow stronger than ever.

When Your Spouse Has a Shopping Addiction

If your partner is the one struggling, it’s natural to feel betrayed. But compassion and boundaries must coexist.
Encourage treatment, but also protect yourself financially and emotionally. Couples therapy can help you both heal without blame.

Key Takeaways

• Shopping addiction is often an emotional “exit,” not just financial irresponsibility.

• The real issue is disconnection, shame, and lack of emotional safety.

• Recovery requires honesty, accountability, and support from a therapist.

• Most marriages can heal if both partners are willing to do the work.

About the Author

Written by Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist. Founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, Rabbi Slatkin helps couples heal from addiction, betrayal, and emotional distance through private intensives and online programs.

Sources

1. Faber, R. J. & O’Guinn, T. C. (1992). A Clinical Screener for Compulsive Buying. Journal of Consumer Research.

2. The Marriage Restoration Project. “Financial Infidelity: How to Rebuild Trust After Money Secrets.”

3. Hendrix, H. & LaKelly Hunt, H. (1988). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. St. Martin’s Press.

4. American Psychological Association. “Addiction and Relationships.”