Key Takeaways
-
The couples who succeed are those who commit to doing whatever it takes, even when it’s uncomfortable.
-
“Whatever it takes” means taking personal responsibility, not just blaming your spouse.
-
Emotional maturity = being willing to look at your own thoughts, actions, and patterns that sabotage connection.
-
You can begin change on your own — even before your spouse agrees to join you.
-
Intensive marriage retreats often accelerate healing in days rather than months.
Why “Whatever It Takes” Matters in Marriage
Research shows that commitment predicts marital success more than compatibility.¹ The couples who survive aren’t the ones with zero conflict, but the ones willing to learn, change, and grow together.
Doing whatever it takes doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or neglect. It means:
-
-
Taking ownership of your part.
-
Choosing humility over pride.
-
Investing in the marriage as if it matters — because it does.
-
Step One: Take Personal Responsibility
The first step to fixing your marriage is looking in the mirror. Ask:
-
How have my words, tone, or habits hurt connection?
-
Do I shut down, criticize, or avoid hard conversations?
-
Am I showing up as the partner I want to be?
It’s tempting to focus on your spouse’s faults, but sustainable change starts with emotional maturity and self-reflection.
Step Two: Try Practical Daily Shifts
Grab a notepad while you listen to this episode and write down:
-
Three small actions you can take daily (listening without interrupting, saying “thank you,” sharing an appreciation).
-
One personal growth area you can commit to (patience, empathy, managing reactivity).
-
One boundary you will hold (no yelling, no stonewalling).
These micro-shifts compound into big transformation.
Step Three: Get the Right Kind of Marriage Help
Sometimes you can’t do it alone. Intensive marriage help compresses months of therapy into just a couple of days.
At our 2 Day Private Marriage Restoration Retreat, couples often experience breakthroughs that they never reached in traditional counseling. With structured dialogue and guidance, even years of hurt can start to heal.
“Despite years of history, you can walk away with a different marriage in 48 hours.”
FAQs
Q: Can I fix my marriage without my spouse’s help?
Yes, you can begin the process. When one partner changes the dynamic, the other often responds. But for full healing, both partners eventually need to engage.
Q: Does ‘whatever it takes’ mean staying no matter what?
No. It doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or complete neglect. It means doing your personal work and giving the marriage its best chance.
Q: How do I know if I need a retreat instead of weekly therapy?
If you’ve been stuck in the same cycles for years, or if weekly therapy feels too slow, a retreat offers a focused reset.
Get a pad of paper and pen handy as this podcast episode goes through several ideas for you to begin fixing your marriage problems on your own or together with a willing spouse. Are you ready to begin doing whatever it takes?
Sources
- Stanley, S. M., & Markman, H. J. (1992). Assessing commitment in personal relationships. Journal of Marriage and the Family.
- Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
- Hendrix, H. & Hunt, H. L. (2019). Getting the Love You Want. Owl Books.
