While we may hate to admit it, no relationship is completely stress- and conflict-free. Each couple faces unique disagreements and stress points in their relationship, whether it’s due to money issues or arguments about how to best raise the kids. For many, conflict stems from different parenting styles—when one spouse prefers one approach and the other sees things differently. This type of conflict can quickly raise tempers and cause long-term resentment in the marriage if not properly addressed. Yet research shows that parents who find ways to collaborate and compromise foster healthier child outcomes and more stable marriages¹.
So what should you do when you and your spouse have different parenting styles? What steps help lower stress, reduce conflict, and present a united front to your children? Below we’ll explore proven strategies from the field of marriage and family therapy to help couples navigate parenting disagreements effectively.
Keep the Lines of Communication Open
Research in family systems theory shows that open communication reduces conflict and improves children’s emotional security². Make regular time to discuss parenting—whether evaluating your child’s needs or chatting through possible challenges. Use active listening: pay close attention, avoid interrupting, and repeat back what you’ve heard. This builds mutual understanding and reduces defensiveness.
Remember That You’re a Team
Parenting disagreements can quickly feel like “me vs. you,” but reframing conflict as “us vs. the problem” strengthens both marriage and parenting. Studies have found that couples who adopt a collaborative mindset when problem-solving report higher relationship satisfaction³. This may involve compromise—trying out different approaches to see what works best for your child, not just who “wins” the argument.
Show Your Children That You’re a Team
Consistency matters. Children feel safest when they see both parents aligned, even if the decision isn’t perfect. Undermining each other in front of kids creates confusion and stress⁴. Instead, support your partner’s parenting efforts and resolve disagreements privately. Modeling cooperation teaches children the value of teamwork in relationships.
Don’t Forget About Your Children
When coping with different parenting styles, it’s always important to remember the heart of the issue at hand – your children. Remember, you’re in it to raise your children properly together, prioritizing their wellbeing at each step of the process. No matter how much you disagree on how to parent them, never forget that they are the most important piece of the puzzle and it should always be your utmost priority to ensure that they feel safe, secure and loved by both you and your spouse. Research emphasizes that interparental conflict—not just divorce—is a strong predictor of child stress, anxiety, and behavioral issues⁵. Keeping your child’s needs at the forefront makes compromise easier and protects them from unnecessary tension.
Ask for Help if You Need It
If you and your spouse find yourselves stuck in a cycle of parenting disagreements, reaching out for help isn’t a sign of failure—it’s a step toward building a stronger, more united partnership.
Working with a licensed marriage counselor or couples therapist can help you both explore your differences in a safe, structured environment while learning how to align your parenting goals and communication styles.
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we offer both online marriage counseling programs and private 2-day marriage intensives designed to help couples reconnect, reduce conflict, and move forward together. Whether you’re looking for a flexible online option or a deeper, focused intervention, our approach offers the tools you need to rebuild trust and create a united front—as partners and as parents.
How to Handle Parenting Disagreements Without Hurting Your Marriage
No couple is perfect and no marriage comes without disagreements. This is especially true for couples that have children that can’t seem to agree on the right methods of raising them. From how to discipline to simply what to make for dinner, these disagreements can quickly cause tension in any relationship, leading to eventual resentment. This can also place undue stress on children, as they can see that their parents are experiencing conflict. By keeping lines of communication open, remembering that you’re on a team, presenting a united front and keeping your children’s wellbeing at the heart of any discussion, you can set you and your partner up for success in navigating disagreements around parenting styles. And don’t forget – you can always reach out for help if you need it.
Key Takeaways
- Different parenting styles are common, but unresolved conflict harms both marriages and children.
- Communication, active listening, and compromise reduce stress and build alignment.
- Presenting a united front fosters consistency and security for children.
- Keeping children’s needs at the center helps couples move past “me vs. you.”
- Seeking professional help can transform recurring conflicts into opportunities for growth.
Sources
¹ Feinberg, M. E. (2003). The Internal Structure and Ecological Context of Coparenting: A Framework for Research and Intervention. Parenting: Science and Practice, 3(2), 95-131.
² Cummings, E. M., & Davies, P. T. (2010). Marital Conflict and Children: An Emotional Security Perspective. Guilford Press.
³ Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony.
⁴ Kitzmann, K. M. (2000). Effects of marital conflict on subsequent triadic family interactions and parenting. Developmental Psychology, 36(1), 3-13.
⁵ Harold, G. T., & Sellers, R. (2018). Annual Research Review: Interparental conflict and youth psychopathology. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 59(4), 374-402.
