Stages of Relationship Dissolution: Understanding the Emotional Journey of Divorce Consideration
By Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, Founder of The Marriage Restoration Project
When couples reach out to us at The Marriage Restoration Project, they are often in pain—overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted, and unsure of what to do next. What they’re experiencing is more than just conflict—it’s often the early or advanced stages of relationship dissolution.
Relationship breakdown doesn’t happen all at once. It’s a progression through several emotional phases, from denial to acceptance. Understanding these stages not only helps you make sense of what’s happening—it can also be the first step toward healing your marriage.
1. Denial: The First Stage of Relationship Dissolution
In this stage, one or both partners pretend everything is fine. Life may feel emotionally flat, but it’s easier to stay silent than admit the relationship is in trouble.
You may avoid hard conversations, brush off concerns, or even tell yourself “this is normal.” But unresolved issues don’t go away—they resurface in harmful ways.
2. Anger and Blame: The Most Explosive Stage
After denial, emotions begin to surface—often in the form of anger. This is the blame game stage: “You never listen,” “You always shut down,” “This is your fault.”
Arguments escalate. Old wounds resurface. You may begin to question whether you even like your spouse anymore.
What helps here? Validating your partner’s pain without defending yourself. This is where the 5 Step Plan can make a real difference by restoring safe, structured communication.
3. Bargaining: Hoping for a Quick Fix
At this point, you might try to salvage things with shallow solutions—temporary separations, half-hearted counseling, or simply trying to “be nicer.”
This is a fragile place. You want to save the marriage, but without a roadmap, you’re likely to repeat the same patterns.
Our 2-Day Private Marriage Retreat is specifically designed for couples at this crossroads.
4. Depression and Emotional Exhaustion
When bargaining fails, the reality of potential divorce sets in. This stage brings sadness, numbness, and a deep grief over the potential loss of your shared life and identity as a couple.
Understand the true financial and emotional costs of divorce.
You might begin to withdraw emotionally, stop trying altogether, or lose hope that things can change.
5. Acceptance: Clarity About Your Relationship
The final stage is acceptance—not necessarily of divorce, but of reality. You realize that something must change. There’s less emotional volatility, and more calm clarity.
Committed couples decide to do the hard but rewarding work of repairing and restoring their marriage.
Where Do You Go From Here?
Understanding the stages of relationship dissolution helps you realize you’re not alone. These phases are deeply human—and reversible with the right support.
Whether you’re still in denial or reaching acceptance, you don’t have to walk this road by yourself. Our mission at The Marriage Restoration Project is to give couples the tools they never learned—to connect, to repair, and to love again.
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