Key Takeaways
- There are three main stages of marriage: Romantic Love, the Power Struggle, and Mature Love.
- Recognizing your stage helps you understand challenges, normalize struggles, and set realistic expectations.
- The romantic love stage feels euphoric, but it doesn’t last forever.
- The power struggle stage is often where couples either grow stronger or drift apart.
- The mature love stage is defined by trust, stability, and a lasting bond.
Why Understanding the Stages of Marriage Matters
Every relationship evolves. Knowing which stage you’re in can:
- Ease anxiety when difficulties arise.
- Help you decide whether to push forward, seek help, or make changes.
- Remind you that conflict doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed — it often means you’re progressing naturally.
Psychologists like Harville Hendrix (Getting the Love You Want) and John Gottman (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) emphasize that relationships go through predictable phases. Couples who understand the stages of marriage are better prepared to navigate challenges without giving up too soon.
Stage 1: The Romantic Love Stage
This is the romantic love stage — marked by excitement, passion, and idealization. Couples in this stage:
- Feel “in love” and inseparable.
- Overlook flaws and differences.
- Experience intense emotional and physical connection.
Important to remember: this stage is natural, but temporary. Many couples panic when the intensity fades, assuming love is gone, when in fact they’re simply transitioning into the next stage.
Stage 2: The Power Struggle Stage
After the honeymoon glow fades, reality sets in. This is the power struggle stage in marriage, and it’s often the hardest. Couples may:
- Notice each other’s flaws and habits more clearly.
- Experience frequent misunderstandings and disagreements.
- Feel disappointed or even question the relationship.
This stage is critical. About half of couples break up here, while others drift into “roommate marriages.” But couples who commit to learning healthy communication, validation, and compromise can turn the power struggle into a foundation for lasting connection.
Stage 3: The Mature Love Stage
Couples who persevere and do the inner work arrive at the mature love stage. Here, love is less about butterflies and more about:
- Deep companionship and mutual respect.
- Security, stability, and trust.
- A balanced partnership where both partners feel valued.
This stage is fulfilling because it’s rooted in reality. Mature love is resilient — it weathers storms and grows stronger through them.
How to Move Through the Stages of Marriage
- Normalize conflict: Recognize that struggles are part of growth.
- Seek support: Counseling, marriage retreats, or structured dialogues help couples stuck in the power struggle.
- Invest in growth: Learn tools like Imago Dialogue to reconnect and heal childhood wounds.
- Focus on daily rituals: Small acts of appreciation and attunement move couples toward mature love.
FAQs
Q: How long does each stage of marriage last?
The romantic love stage on average lasts 6 months. The power struggle may last longer without intervention. Mature love can last a lifetime if nurtured.
Q: What if we’re stuck in the power struggle stage?
This is the perfect time for outside support — such as intensive retreats or marriage counseling — to shift patterns and rebuild connection.
Q: Does every couple reach the mature love stage?
Not necessarily. Many couples separate during the power struggle. But with tools and commitment, reaching mature love is possible.
Q: How do I know what stage my marriage is in?
Ask: Do we feel euphoric and idealizing (Stage 1), critical and conflictual (Stage 2), or safe and stable (Stage 3)? Recognizing your stage helps guide your next steps.
Sources
- Hendrix, H., & Hunt, H. L. (2019). Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples. Owl Books.
- Gottman, J., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Harmony Books.
- Psychology Today: “The Stages of Relationships” (2023).
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