Did you know that there is a silent 3rd partner in your marriage? That’s your body language and your non verbal communication. You can fix your non verbal communication problems in marriage through the following communication problems we noticed in the presidential debates!
More inspiration about communication problems in marriage and how to shift them:
- Are you a good listener?
- Effective communication even when your spouse won’t talk to you.
- Enjoy better communication without the typical communication problems in marriage
If we learned anything from the Presidential debates, we learned that body language counts. Your gestures and movements speak louder than words. Here are four cues from the Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates on how to strengthen your marriage with your body language.
1) Look at your spouse in the eye when youโre speaking with him/her: Regardless of who you are voting for, viewers noticed in the first debate that Governor Romney looked at President Obama straight in the eye while he was speaking; Obamaโs responses seemed to be directed somewhere else. He was taking notes, looking down, looking anywhere but in Romneyโs direction.ย ย Romney ultimately came across stronger because of this.ย Eye contact is a sign of friendliness, confidence, and an acknowledgement of the other personโs presence.
Looking away from your spouse makes it seem like you donโt really want to be speaking with them, and thatโs not the impression that you want to create when youโre working on building a healthy marriage.
2) Cut out the eye-rolling: During the Vice-Precedential Debate, Vice President Biden made no attempt to contain his eye-rolling and condescension.
Dr. John Gottman has identified eye-rolling as a non-verbal sign of contempt and disgust.
He explains that this non-verbal cue can create negative repercussions in your relationship.
When your spouse sees that you are disgusted with them, they become much less willing to work out your problems and strengthen your marriage.
Take the initiative in curbing the impulse to roll your eyes. You will see the improvement in your marriage!
3)ย Engage your body in the conversation: While speaking with your spouse, itโs ideal for your movements to be energetic and open. Peggy Hackney, an analyst from the New York University Movement Lab, explains that Obamaโs gestures were more contained and controlled than Romneyโs during the first debate, giving the impression of being more detached from the debate and from his audience. Romney, through the openness of his gestures, came across as friendly, โauthentic, and less studied.โ
You donโt want your marriage to be stilted and detached, so you shouldnโt be either!
4) Donโt laugh!: Sometimes, when youโre speaking with your spouse, they may say something that sounds unreasonable and absurd. Donโt laugh! If youโre in the middle of an argument, that will only make your spouse more upset. And if youโre having a serious conversation, you may have convinced them that you donโt take them seriously.
Jeff Thompson, a nonverbal communication researcher at Griffith University, explained that Bidenโs laughter and smiling during the debate was a clear indication of displeasure with Ryanโs comments.
Your reactions while listening to your spouse is as important as the non-verbal cues that you give off while you are speaking.
Itโs not always easy for your spouse to differentiate between your displeasure with their comments and your displeasure with them. Make sure to keep those under control.
5) Respect each otherโs physical space: The second Presidential Debate resembled more like a boxing match than a political discussion. This was partially due to the town hall setting which allowed the candidates to walk around and even get in each otherโs space. Viewers joke that they were worried Obama and Romney were going to come to blows.
In a marriage, it is important to respect each otherโs space.
When you get in your spouseโs face and intimidate them it sends them a message that they are your foe rather than friend. That, in turn, provokes a defensive response which serves to further alienate.
To engender love and connection, show your spouse respect for their space and do allow them to feel a sense of safety in your presence.
6) Donโt stare!: Didnโt your mother tell you itโs not polite to stare at people? From the looks of the third Presidential Debate, it did not seem that Obama got that message. Viewers noticed on the split-screen how the President stared down his opponent with seeming disdain.
If you are listening to your spouse, look intently with concern and love.
Even if you are upset with what they are saying, your defensive or offensive facial posture and expressions will only serve to exacerbate tension. If you canโt show care in your face, do your best to at least show a blank screen.
Your face is the window into what you are feeling inside. Although you may think your spouse doesnโt not know what you are feeling, it is more apparent than you think.
In your marriage, body language is the unspoken third partner. Take these cues from the Presidential and Vice-Presidential debates to revitalize your marriage by using eye-contact, open body movements, and not invading the otherโs space while you are speaking to your spouse and not rolling your eyes, laughing, or staring with disapproval while your spouse is speaking. It may be hard to change old habits, but you will see that the improvements to your marriage will make it all worth it.