If you and your partner have mismatched sexual desire, with one of you desiring intimacy moreso than the other, that can feel very frustrating.

Use the following tips to help you regain desire for each other and improve your intimate life.

Improving your physical connection with each other

1. Use the Imago Dialogue, to communicate with your spouse, about what you want in your intimate life together. Why the Imago Dialogue? Because intimacy is such a sensitive issue for couples, it’s really important that each of you as individuals feels safe in your conversation with each other. The Imago Dialogue, with it’s “scripted” model of communicating is the perfect way to create safety to discuss such a sensitive topic.

How would that work? You would set up an appointment with your spouse to dialogue about your intimate life. When it’s time for the appointment, you could light candles, clear the clutter from your bedroom, put on comfortable clothing and sit across from each other on your bed, looking face to face into each other’s eyes.  Remember, the purpose of this is to connect, not to fight or threaten or blame, even if you haven’t actually ever discussed your intimate life, or whatever discussions you’ve had about your intimate life have been full of negativity.

You may be pleasantly surprised to learn more about what your spouse desires and what would make him/her feel good. That’s the beauty of the Imago dialogue and what can come out of that connected discussion.

2. It’s also really helpful to talk about some of beliefs that you have about sex. When we work with couples we help them draft what is called a “Relationship Vision” which discusses the beliefs that you as an individual have about yourself, your relationship, and your vision for it’s future, getting down to the nitty gritty details all the way from what you are used to from your childhood home to how you would like to spend retirement together, for instance.

It’s helpful to craft a relationship vision for your intimate life as well.

The only steadfast rule here is to communicate. Communicate safely with your spouse and you will be well on the road to sexual health and fixing that sexless marriage.

3) You will also want to make sure there are no medical issues. Sometimes, lost of desire can be a hormonal issue or other medical issue and it can be treated effectively.

We’d be happy to help you rekindle the spark of your intimate life and closeness. Schedule a time to speak with us here or using the form below.

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Shlomo & Rivka Slatkin

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin is an Imago relationship therapist and certified (master level) Imago workshop presenter with over 20 years of experience hosting couples therapy retreats in-person and online. Contact info@themarriagerestorationproject.com or