Marriage isn’t over after you have a baby. Sure it might seem like it. All that is required are a few tweaks and you’ll get back on track in your marriage after baby.
Did you know?
It can be attractive for a woman to see her husband in the fatherly role, taking care of the baby and showing a softer side- so take note, men!
Especially after a baby’s birth, the mother may be a little bit more physically needy. When her husband comes to the rescue, she can experience him as her knight in shining armor.
The Positives Outweigh the Negatives in the Long Run
While there are challenges when children enter a relationship, there are many changes for the better.
Love grows and a baby gives the couple an opportunity to have a partnership about something that they both care about strongly.
Working together for the baby and spending time together as a family with the baby can actually increase opportunities for connection whereas in the past the couple may have not spent as much time together.
Remember to laugh a lot and enjoy the milestones that your baby has. Keeping it light is much more fun than focusing on the negatives (that are usually temporary).
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Bumps along the way
In the short term right after the baby is born, there is definitely going to be a huge adjustment. Hormones and tears are often present, as are feelings of frustration at having little to no sleep, crying that won’t stop, and a lot more physical work around the house needing to be done.
This is where friends and social media can be extremely helpful! Posting in message boards about challenges with colic or breastfeeding can be useful as can hiring help with some of the household overflow.
The key is that you stay connected all throughout the difficulties, no matter how hard they are. Sharing your feelings in a safe and non critical way will keep you connected so that the other can hear you fully.
When in doubt, use the 3 step Intentional Dialogue which asks that you pre-schedule up a good time to talk, with one partner being the “sender” and one partner the “receiver. The Receiver will “mirror” back or repeat what the other says without interjecting their own opinion, validating their partner by letting them know they make sense, and empathizing with them by imagining what emotions they may be experiencing.
This can be very helpful especially when one partner has thoughts that might frighten the other spouse- such as child-rearing ideas, postpartum depression and negative thoughts about parenting.
This safe structure enables couples to talk about uncomfortable topics and feel more connected as a result.
If you’re having any trouble, get help from an Imago Relationship Therapist. In our practice, we know it can be hard for you to get out of the house with the baby and that is why we offer marriage counseling sessions online.
There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.
