Learn what couples love about the 6 Pillars of Intimacy—and how this framework can help rebuild trust, improve communication, and deepen emotional and physical closeness in your marriage.
Couples searching for One Extraordinary Marriage, Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo, or the 6 Pillars of Intimacy want something clear, practical, and hopeful. Whether they’re struggling with communication, emotional distance, sexual disconnection, or financial conflict, they’re looking for a roadmap that simplifies the chaos.
We had the privilege of interviewing Alisa DiLorenzo, co-founder of One Extraordinary Marriage, whose podcast and intimacy framework have impacted marriages worldwide.
Like us, Alisa and her husband Tony started teaching marriage skills only after living through their own crisis and rebuilding their relationship from the inside out. Their work is grounded in experience, humility, and compassion—qualities couples desperately need when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Why Alisa & Tony’s Work Resonates with So Many Couples
Experience Creates Trust
Couples don’t want perfect experts—they want people who understand them.
Alisa and Tony’s journey mirrors what many couples face:
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emotional disconnection
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seasons of distance
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communication breakdown
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intimacy fading
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resentment and stress
By repairing their own marriage, they gained firsthand clarity about what works and what doesn’t.
Hope Is a Clinical Intervention
When couples reach out for help, they often say:
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“We’ve tried everything.”
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“We can’t get on the same page.”
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“Nothing changes.”
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“We’re roommates, not partners.”
Hope is not a bonus—it’s often the first step to healing.
Alisa & Tony’s story, just like mine and Rivka’s proves to couples that change is possible, no matter how overwhelming the problems feel.
Why Intimacy Frameworks (Like the 6 Pillars) Help Couples in Crisis
When marriages get stuck, couples experience:
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emotional flooding
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panic
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confusion
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circular arguments
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shutdown
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lack of vision
They don’t know where to start.
A clear framework cuts through the overwhelm by:
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giving structure
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showing exactly what needs attention
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eliminating guesswork
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breaking big problems into manageable steps
This is why the 6 Pillars of Intimacy is so attractive to couples—they finally have a way to understand what’s going wrong and how to improve it.
What Are the 6 Pillars of Intimacy? (Shared by Alisa DiLorenzo)
These pillars help couples assess their marriage, understand their strengths, and identify the areas with “cracks” that need support.
1. Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is the ability to:
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talk openly
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share feelings
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feel safe
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express vulnerability
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be curious, not defensive
Without emotional closeness, every pillar weakens.
2. Physical Intimacy
This includes non-sexual touch:
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holding hands
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hugging
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sitting close
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playful touches
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comfort touch
Physical closeness regulates the nervous system and strengthens connection.
3. Financial Intimacy
Money stress is one of the top predictors of marital conflict.
Financial intimacy means:
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transparency
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honesty
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shared planning
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aligned goals
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openness about spending
When finances are unclear, trust erodes.
4. Spiritual Intimacy
Spiritual intimacy can be:
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shared faith
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conversations about beliefs
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meaningful rituals
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prayer or meditation
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connection around purpose or values
What matters is freedom, respect, and openness.
5. Recreational Intimacy
Couples need joy—not just problem-solving.
This pillar includes:
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fun
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play
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shared hobbies
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dates
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adventures
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laughter
Without fun, the marriage becomes logistical instead of emotional.
6. Sexual Intimacy
Sexual intimacy reflects the health of the entire relationship.
Low sexual connection is often a sign of:
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emotional disconnection
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unaddressed resentment
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stress
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lack of communication
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past hurts
When couples repair the other pillars, sexual intimacy naturally improves.
How to Use the 6 Pillars to Strengthen Your Marriage
Step 1: Identify Your “Cracked” Pillars
Most couples have:
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1–2 pillars that are strong
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1–3 that are cracked
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and 1 that is deeply strained
Naming the cracks reduces shame and increases clarity.
Step 2: Focus on One Pillar at a Time
Trying to fix everything at once leads to frustration.
Focus brings traction.
Step 3: Build a Shared Language
Instead of:
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“You never listen!”
Try: -
“Our emotional intimacy pillar needs attention.”
Instead of:
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“You don’t care about sex anymore!”
Try: -
“Let’s look at what’s impacting our sexual intimacy pillar.”
It keeps both partners emotionally regulated.
Step 4: Set Small, Daily Intentions
Examples:
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send one encouraging text
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practice one moment of affection
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spend 5 minutes checking in emotionally
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go for a walk together
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plan a fun activity
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have a weekly money check-in
Small habits → big shifts.
Where the 6 Pillars Connect with Our Work at The Marriage Restoration Project
Shared Values
Like Alisa & Tony, we believe:
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marriages break down from disconnection, not lack of love
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couples need simple, clear frameworks
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practical tools are more effective than abstract theory
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couples need hope, safety, and structure to heal
Our No Blame, No Shame intensives align beautifully with the 6 Pillars because we help couples strengthen these areas rapidly.
Where Couples Get Stuck
Many come to us struggling with:
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resentment
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silent withdrawal
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explosive fights
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loss of intimacy
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emotional shutdown
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feeling like “just roommates”
The 6 Pillars helps them understand WHY.
Our 2-Day Marriage Intensive helps them change HOW.
FAQs About the 6 Pillars of Intimacy & One Extraordinary Marriage
What are the 6 Pillars of Intimacy?
Emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, recreational, and sexual intimacy.
How do I know which pillar is my biggest problem?
Look for where resentment, distance, or conflict are most active.
Can one missing pillar destroy intimacy?
Yes—pillars are interconnected. A crack in one often spreads to others.
Will working on the pillars improve our sex life?
Almost always. Sexual intimacy increases when emotional connection, communication, and trust grow.
How is this different from weekly therapy?
The pillars give a framework; therapy often focuses on issues.
When combined, couples see rapid change.
Key Takeaways
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Couples searching for One Extraordinary Marriage or the 6 Pillars want simple, actionable tools.
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The 6 Pillars framework covers all major areas of marital health.
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Identifying cracked pillars gives couples clarity rather than panic.
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Strengthening intimacy begins with emotional safety, communication, and hope.
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A structured approach (like a 2-Day Intensive) accelerates healing.
