You love your husband but you’re not happy anymore. Nothing feels worse than when you feel unhappy. And you still love him which makes it feel even more confusing.
Let’s understand more about why you are unhappy- with your spouse, your relationship, despite loving and perhaps still respecting your husband. Ask yourself, “When did you start becoming unhappy in this relationship? What changed?” Notice if it’s a scenario or an external situation that you can gain awareness about. Sometimes it might mean that you just need a little more self care.
Relationships have ups and downs, and things are not always going to be static. It’s important to know that your happiness is not dependent on others, otherwise it’s not “real” happiness.
What do you need to have a happy marriage and what can you do to bring that into your relationship?
There is a fallacy out there in society that if something doesn’t make you feel good, then you “should” move on to something else. People seem to think that if they are no longer happy in their marriage then they should just move on to someone else.
Ultimately, no one else will make you happy and you are likely to be unhappy in a future relationship. Marriage is a commitment, for good times and bad, for better or for worse. It’s not a life sentence to being miserable but it is something to be taken seriously and requires effort. And when you do put the effort into your marriage, you’ll discover a relationship that is far more fulfilling than anything else in the world.
We know that to be true based on the chemistry and science behind why you chose your spouse, why you were originally attracted to them is because they have precisely the things you are “missing” in yourself.
Here’s a video explaining what we mean by your spouse having your own missing pieces:
As you work through the conflict together and compel each other to grow, you’ll regain those missing parts of yourself and you will feel more whole and ultimately more happy. You won’t feel bored in your marriage so much anymore.
More inspiration for the feeling of “I love him but I am not happy anymore”:
- Understanding the 3 relationship stages, which one are you in?
- “I love you but I’m not IN love with you”
- My wife has fallen out of love with me, how can I get her to love me again?
- When is it time to give up on marriage and get a divorce?
- Should we try a temporary separation?
- If you’re thinking about getting divorced, please read this
When you start putting in the effort to make your relationship one that you want, you will reap the rewards. Start focusing on the four critical transitions of your day and making those positive or by consistently sharing appreciations with your husband. You might just be surprised at how much happier you will feel in your marriage. Connect in fun little ways throughout the day and be sure to always flush out negativity and toxicity out of your relationship.
We’re not advising you to be a doormat or completely selfless in your marriage all the time, just to know that staying happily married requires active participation in growing your relationship.
It would benefit you to understand why you’re not happy and in love anymore. The FASTEST way to do that is in our 2 Day Marriage Restoration Retreat. Contact us about the retreat right here.
There’s nothing quite like the power of gaining clarity on a confusing situation. Complete the form below to talk with Rabbi Slatkin to see what he thinks would be best for you and your unique situation.