Bringing up the idea of attending a marriage retreat can feel intimidating. Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for a while, hoping it could help you reconnect, resolve long-standing conflicts, or simply strengthen your bond. But you might worry about your partner’s reaction. Will they feel blindsided? Defensive? Will the conversation turn into yet another argument instead of opening the door to healing?
These concerns are incredibly common. Many spouses want help but aren’t sure how to suggest it in a way that won’t trigger resistance. The good news is, with a little preparation and a thoughtful approach, you can share your desire to attend a retreat without starting a fight. In fact, you might even discover that your partner is more open to the idea than you expect.
At The Marriage Restoration Project, we’ve worked with countless couples who were initially hesitant about attending a retreat. By the end, most of them said, “I wish we had done this sooner!” If you’re interested in learning more about how to safely and productively discuss a marriage retreat with your partner, we’re happy to help. Keep reading to discover more about the mindset shifts, conversations starters and strategies that you’ll need.
Step 1: Get Clear on Your Why
Before you even bring it up, take the time to reflect on why you want to go. Is it because you feel distant and want to reconnect? Because recurring arguments never seem to resolve? Because you’re worried about where things are headed?
Clarifying your reasons will help you frame the conversation; instead of presenting the retreat as something that your partner needs, you can express it as something that you value for the relationship as a whole.
For example, try supportive statements such as “I miss feeling close to you, and I think a retreat could help us get that back,” or “We’ve been stuck in the same arguments, and I want us to have the tools to handle them differently. By grounding your request in your own feelings and hopes, you avoid making your partner feel attacked or blamed.
Step 2: Choose the Right Time and Place
Timing matters. Don’t bring up a marriage retreat in the middle of an argument or right before one of you heads out the door. Instead, choose a calm, neutral time when you both have the space and mindset to really talk.
It can help to frame the conversation gently, such as: “There’s something I’ve been thinking about for us, and I’d love to share it with you when you’re in the right headspace.” This approach signals respect and care, making your partner more likely to listen with an active mind.
Step 3: Use Compassionate Conversation Starters
When you do bring it up, start with connection, not criticism. Try conversation starters such as:
- “I love you and I want us to feel even stronger together. That’s why I’ve been thinking about trying a retreat.”
- “I know life has been stressful for us lately, and I think a retreat could give us the time and space that we need to truly reconnect.”
At the same time, make sure that you avoid accusatory phrasing, such as:
- “Since you never listen, we need therapy.”
- “Our marriage is falling apart and this is our only hope.”
Instead, keep the focus on growth, love and the future that you want to create together. This compassionate framing will help keep things positive and keep discussions open and engaging.
Step 4: Address Common Concerns
It’s normal for your partner to have doubts or hesitations. They may worry that a retreat will feel awkward, too intense, or even like a vacation disguised as therapy. This is where reassurance can help.
You can say things such as:
- “It’s not about blaming either of us. It’s about learning new ways to connect.”
- “It’s not a group retreat with strangers. It’s just for us, with a licensed therapist to help along the way.”
- “It’s only a few days, but it can give us tools that last for years!”
Sharing that many couples who attend marriage retreats were hesitant at first but left feeling closer than ever can also help normalize their fears and make them more receptive to the idea.
Step 5: Keep the Door Open, Even If They Resist
If your partner resists the idea, don’t push. This can create more defensiveness. Instead, acknowledge their feelings with statements like, “I hear that this is overwhelming to you. Can we keep the idea open and revisit it later?”
Sometimes planting the seed is enough. Your partner may warm up to the idea once they’ve had time to reflect. In the meantime, you can model openness by showing your own commitment to growth and connection.
Your Invitation to Connection Starts with a Conversation
Asking your partner to attend a retreat doesn’t have to lead to conflict. With preparation, empathy, and patience, you can present the idea as an invitation rather than a demand. And when both partners feel safe and supported, a retreat can become the turning point that changes everything.
At The Marriage Restoration Project, our intensive marriage counseling retreats provide couples with safe, focused environments to break through patterns that feel stuck, rebuild trust, and rediscover the love that brought them together to begin with. If you’re nervous to bring it up, remember this: the first conversation is just the beginning. Sometimes, the most important step is simply opening the door.
Your relationship deserves the chance to thrive. And with the right approach, a couples retreat might just be the key to creating the connection that you both are longing for. Ready to get started? Reach out to our team today and we’ll be happy to help guide you along the way.
Key Takeaways
- Get clear on your “why” — frame the retreat as something you value for the relationship, not as a criticism of your partner.
- Choose the right time — avoid raising the idea during arguments or stressful moments; look for calm, neutral opportunities.
- Use compassionate language — start with love and future goals, not blame or ultimatums.
- Normalize concerns — reassure your partner it’s not about blame but about learning new tools for connection.
- Stay patient — if your partner resists, don’t push; plant the seed and revisit later.
Footnotes & Citations
- American Psychological Association – Improving communication in relationships
- Gottman Institute – Why timing matters in difficult conversations
- Imago Relationships International – How Imago therapy helps couples reconnect
