If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, you may have considered attending a marriage retreat or intensive couples therapy—but how do you bring it up if your spouse isn’t on the same page? Suggesting a couples retreat can feel intimidating, especially if emotions are already running high.
This guide will help you start the conversation in a way that’s respectful, non-blaming, and rooted in teamwork.
Why Couples Retreats Can Be Transformational
Many couples wait too long before seeking help, often an average of six years after problems begin.1 By then, patterns of disconnection can feel entrenched.
Unlike weekly counseling, a 2-day marriage intensive compresses months of progress into a single weekend. With expert support, communication tools, and focused time together, couples can often break cycles of conflict and rediscover connection faster.2
1. Choose the Right Time to Talk
Timing is everything. Avoid bringing up the idea right after a fight. Instead, wait for a calm, neutral moment and frame it as something important you’d like to discuss.
“There’s something I’d like to talk about, but I want us to choose a time when neither of us feels rushed or stressed.”
This sets a tone of respect and makes your partner more likely to listen.
2. Use “I” Statements to Reduce Defensiveness
Instead of focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong, speak from your own perspective. Research shows “I” statements reduce defensiveness and open dialogue.3
Example:
- ❌ “You never talk to me.”
- ✅ “I miss feeling close to you and want us to reconnect.”
You might say:
“I love you, and I want us to feel like a team again. That’s why I’ve been looking into something that might help us—a marriage retreat.”
3. Address Common Concerns About Therapy
Your spouse may have hesitations—fear of blame, discomfort with therapy, or worry about privacy. Address these upfront:
- Retreats are private and confidential, not group sessions.
- The focus is on healing and connection, not assigning blame.
- Therapists are trained to guide couples gently through tough conversations.
Framing it this way reassures them it’s not about “fixing” one person, but about creating a stronger relationship together.
4. Share What You’ve Learned About the Retreat
Show that you’ve done your research. Mention details like structure, location, and who leads the retreat. Specificity shows thoughtfulness and reduces uncertainty.
For example:
“I’ve read about The Marriage Restoration Project’s 2-Day Marriage Retreats—they’re led by licensed therapists, and the weekend is designed to help couples rebuild trust and communication quickly.”
5. Make It About the Relationship, Not the Problem
Avoid ultimatums. Position the retreat as an investment in the relationship, not a last-ditch demand.
“I’m not giving up on us. We’ve tried working on our own, and I think we deserve to try something that’s worked for other couples.”
6. Invite Exploration, Not Commitment
Rather than pressuring your spouse to say yes immediately, suggest exploring the idea together.
“Can we look at the website together or schedule a free call to ask questions? That way, we can decide as a team.”
This keeps the conversation collaborative, not confrontational.
What Makes The Marriage Restoration Project Different?
At The Marriage Restoration Project, our 2-Day Marriage Retreats are designed for fast, effective transformation without months of weekly sessions. Every couple begins with a conversation with Rabbi Shlomo, who personally matches you with the right therapist for your situation, needs, and location.
Key Takeaways
- Choose a calm, neutral time to bring up the idea.
- Use “I” statements to reduce defensiveness and express care.
- Address therapy concerns—retreats are private, safe, and non-blaming.
- Share specifics about the retreat to reduce uncertainty.
- Frame the retreat as a team investment, not an ultimatum.
- Keep pressure low—invite your spouse to explore the idea together.
Footnotes
Gordon, L. L., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(2), 213–231. ↩
Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Simon & Schuster. (Couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking help.) ↩
Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168. ↩
