If you’re feeling disconnected in your relationship, you may have considered attending a marriage retreat or intensive couples therapy—but how do you bring it up if your spouse isn’t on the same page? Suggesting a couples retreat can feel intimidating, especially if emotions are already running high.
This guide will help you start the conversation in a way that’s respectful, non-blaming, and rooted in teamwork.
Why Couples Retreats Can Be Transformational
Many couples wait too long before seeking help, often an average of six years after problems begin.1 By then, patterns of disconnection can feel entrenched.
Unlike weekly counseling, a 2-day marriage intensive compresses months of progress into a single weekend. With expert support, communication tools, and focused time together, couples can often break cycles of conflict and rediscover connection faster.2
1. Choose the Right Time to Talk
Timing is everything. Avoid bringing up the idea right after a fight. Instead, wait for a calm, neutral moment and frame it as something important you’d like to discuss.
“There’s something I’d like to talk about, but I want us to choose a time when neither of us feels rushed or stressed.”
This sets a tone of respect and makes your partner more likely to listen.
2. Use “I” Statements to Reduce Defensiveness
Instead of focusing on what your spouse is doing wrong, speak from your own perspective. Research shows “I” statements reduce defensiveness and open dialogue.3
Example:
- ❌ “You never talk to me.”
- ✅ “I miss feeling close to you and want us to reconnect.”
You might say:
“I love you, and I want us to feel like a team again. That’s why I’ve been looking into something that might help us—a marriage retreat.”
3. Address Common Concerns About Therapy
Your spouse may have hesitations—fear of blame, discomfort with therapy, or worry about privacy. Address these upfront:
- Retreats are private and confidential, not group sessions.
- The focus is on healing and connection, not assigning blame.
- Therapists are trained to guide couples gently through tough conversations.
Framing it this way reassures them it’s not about “fixing” one person, but about creating a stronger relationship together.
4. Share What You’ve Learned About the Retreat
Show that you’ve done your research. Mention details like structure, location, and who leads the retreat. Specificity shows thoughtfulness and reduces uncertainty.
For example:
“I’ve read about The Marriage Restoration Project’s 2-Day Marriage Retreats—they’re led by licensed therapists, and the weekend is designed to help couples rebuild trust and communication quickly.”
5. Make It About the Relationship, Not the Problem
Avoid ultimatums. Position the retreat as an investment in the relationship, not a last-ditch demand.
“I’m not giving up on us. We’ve tried working on our own, and I think we deserve to try something that’s worked for other couples.”
6. Invite Exploration, Not Commitment
Rather than pressuring your spouse to say yes immediately, suggest exploring the idea together.
“Can we look at the website together or schedule a free call to ask questions? That way, we can decide as a team.”
This keeps the conversation collaborative, not confrontational.
| ❌ What Not to Say (Blaming or Pressuring) | ✅ What to Say Instead (Inviting & Safe) |
|---|---|
| “You never listen to me, that’s why we need therapy.” | “I miss feeling close to you, and I think a retreat could help us reconnect.” |
| “If you don’t go, our marriage is over.” | “I’d love for us to try something new together—what do you think about exploring this idea as a team?” |
| “You’re the problem, and you need help.” | “I know I haven’t always been the safest partner. I’d like us to learn tools to support each other better.” |
| “Therapy is the only way you’ll change.” | “I’ve read about these 2-day retreats that help couples make progress quickly—I’d love to learn more together.” |
| “You need to fix this, or I’m done.” | “I’m not giving up on us. This retreat feels like something we can do to invest in our relationship.” |
What Makes The Marriage Restoration Project Different?
At The Marriage Restoration Project, our 2-Day Marriage Retreats are designed for fast, effective transformation without months of weekly sessions. Every couple begins with a conversation with Rabbi Shlomo, who personally matches you with the right therapist for your situation, needs, and location.
Frequently Asked Questions About Suggesting a Couples Retreat
1. What if my spouse flat-out refuses to go?
It’s common for one partner to feel hesitant. Instead of pushing, focus on why the relationship matters to you and how the retreat could help both of you feel more connected. Sometimes inviting them to just learn more together—like scheduling a free consultation—feels less intimidating than committing right away.
2. Will a retreat make my spouse feel blamed?
No. High-quality marriage retreats (like ours) are designed with a no-blame, no-shame approach. The focus is on creating safety and understanding, not pointing fingers. Both partners are guided to feel heard and valued.
3. How is a couples retreat different from weekly counseling?
Weekly counseling spreads progress out over months and can feel slow—especially when disconnection is deep. A 2-day intensive compresses months of therapy into one immersive experience, creating breakthroughs quickly while also providing follow-up support to help changes stick.
4. What if we’re already on the brink of divorce?
You’re not alone—many couples attend a retreat as a last-ditch effort. Often, it provides the clarity and hope they’ve been searching for. Even when separation feels imminent, the retreat helps couples make thoughtful, less reactive decisions.
5. How do I know if my spouse will be comfortable opening up?
Licensed therapists facilitate the process with structured communication tools (like Imago Dialogue), making it easier for both partners to speak and listen without interruptions or defensiveness. The environment is private, supportive, and built for safety.
6. What if the retreat doesn’t work?
While no retreat can guarantee reconciliation, most couples report significant improvements in communication, empathy, and connection. Even if the marriage doesn’t continue, the retreat often provides closure and insight that helps both partners move forward in healthier ways.
Key Takeaways
- Choose a calm, neutral time to bring up the idea.
- Use “I” statements to reduce defensiveness and express care.
- Address therapy concerns—retreats are private, safe, and non-blaming.
- Share specifics about the retreat to reduce uncertainty.
- Frame the retreat as a team investment, not an ultimatum.
- Keep pressure low—invite your spouse to explore the idea together.
Footnotes
Gordon, L. L., Baucom, D. H., & Snyder, D. K. (2004). An integrative intervention for promoting recovery from extramarital affairs. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(2), 213–231. ↩
Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. Simon & Schuster. (Couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking help.) ↩
Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168. ↩
