There are do’s and don’ts for successful coparenting relationships. These “rules” are important for your children’s sake, so that they can enjoy a stable environment even when having to split their time between two homes; which is ultimately the goal of coparenting.
Tips to improve co-parenting relationships:
1) Keep the best interest of the child paramount- Children often can become a pawn in a divorce and usually become the biggest victims. Don’t use your child as a tool to punish your ex. Although it may be challenging, always do what is best for your child, even if it means “giving in” to your ex, letting them spend more time together, etc…
2) Learn how to communicate- You’ll be making plenty of joint decisions together and it is crucial that the two of you can communicate in a way in which you both are able to listen to each other in a calm and understanding way. You may not always agree but at least you will be able to discuss what is best for your child. Otherwise, your child will lose out if you can’t get along,
3) Tread with caution when it comes to step-parents- You or your ex may get remarried. This will complicate your situation and could lead to questioning of your child’s loyalty. Don’t pressure your child in their relationship with their new step-parent. Every child is different and relationships take time to build. Discuss everyone’s feelings with regards to involving the step-parent in co-parenting instead of imposing. It will make everyone feel more comfortable in the long run.
Coparenting around the Holidays
The holidays are a joyful time and also a stressful time for many. Pressure can amount even in families where divorce is not the case, all the moreso in a home where parental visits have to be alternated.
It’s important to keep the lines of communication open so that you can be prepared to discuss the needs of the children and any last minute changes they need to make.
In cases where communication is disastrous for all involved, you can’t do much except take care of your own emotional health as you are not able to control others. Being flexible, practicing meditation, breathing or whatever self care rituals feel good for you will be paramount. Surrounding yourself with good friends and people that bring you cheer can help the situation as well.
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